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| My Motherly Instincts...Was I wrong?
by gingersnap79 at 10/3/2008 6:49:58 AM
I've had numerous
talks with my
oldest Son
over the years.
I can tell this little man
so much.
He's compassionate,
understanding,
honest,caring,
loving little man.
He isn't very attentive
when it comes to "LIFE"
but I'm starting
to see how he is changing.
He is being raised
to understand
many things about
life,society,ignorance,
love and pain.
He listens to a lot
of what I tell him
but my problem is;
is he "Hearing Me"?
I listen to my kids all the time
I listen to friends all the time
But They all have no clue
If I am really "HEARING THEM"
Believe me there's
a HUGE difference.
Last night,
My little one's
were in bed asleep.
I was watching one of my
favorite shows
with my Oldest Son.
It was called "The Cleaner"
my son has never seen this show ever.
I figured what the hell,
He's old enough now.
If you know
what show I am talking about
great, if not,
then I'll explain
it to you.
It's about serious
drug addicts
that have
a job to help
and find people
to get them "clean".
yet, the whole time
tempting fate as
they see what is in their
surroundings.
Watching this show
is something i watch at night.
I was a serious drug addict.
I tore my whole life
apart at one point
in time.
I'm not proud
of that part
of my life, but
I have come to
except
what I was.
I'm not talking weed.
I believe weed is for b*tches
who can't handle
"real drugs".
Only because
they are scared to death
to try anything harder.
My Son had
a lot of questions
last night.
I was ready for
what he wanted to have
the answers to.
He asked all kinds
of questions.
he told me of things
he learned in school about
drugs and what happens when
you take them.
Now, I agree
with a little
of what he was taught
in school, but
not all of it was truthful.
That worried me
a lot, more
than I think it should have.
What is wrong with the school's?
They should be "REAL"
and teach our kids
the "TRUTH".
But that's another story.
We had about a 2 hour conversation
on drugs, alcohol,sex,all kinds of things relating to this show and I answered all his questions truthfully and he cried.
He asked me why I did those things?
How many times a day did i get high?
Did I sleep around with a lot of men?
Did I enjoy it?
Did I ever do any of that when I was pregnant?
How does it make you feel?
What did my parents think?
Do my parents know about it?
etc...etc...
I had no choice but to be honest as I always am with my children and everyone else I know.
He looked at me at times like I was a stranger, as if, he didn't even know who I was.
Truthfully, At that time in my life I didn't know either.
I lost everything and everyone that I loved.
My family shunned me.
I lost my children.
I lost my ex.
I lost my job.
I lost "my life".
It didn't matter to me back then.
I barely knew who "I was" anymore.
I know for a fact that, it took
all of that "losing" to wake me up.
I know a lot of people who
still to this day are in the same situation.
Not trying to get the hell out of that
trapped life.
Not wanting to listen to reason.
Not comprehending that"dying" is what will
happen if they don't get the help they need to survive.
It will take these people a long time to realize, but by then, I will be at their funerals.
I'm not throwing stones at "glass" houses.
I'm not different or better than they are.
I just know a lot will happen if they refuse to take a chance and get the hell out.
I explained all of this to my son last night.
I told him the shoulda,woulda,coulda's about it all.
I let him know that if ever there comes a time,
I'm sure he will have many, that
he feels like doing this to his life.
That I am here and I will not fault him for anything he chooses to do.
He tells me that he will Never do this!
It's what he says now though.
Later on in life there's all kinds of influences
people you can not avoid so easily.
Peer Pressure is a m*f* and will suck you in
like there's no tomorrow.
That's what will happen, you will no longer have a life after you make certain choices.
You won't have anything or anyone to pick you up when you fall.
You won't have your loved ones to call.
I hope for my son's sake and for the rest of my children, that they understand to the fullest, that I will always be here for them. I will always love them and tell them nothing but the truth.
I want my children to have so much more out of their lives then I did.
I want them to stay in school.
get careers, have a good family life.
I can hope and pray all I want, the truth is.....
THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE'S THAT CAN WALK THEIR LIFE'S PATH.
All I can do, with myself, is help them along the way.
Hopefully all of my friends have read this, Maybe you think i did the wrong thing by letting him watch the show, or Maybe talk to him about life the way I do, But that's why He's My Son!!
Leave your comments if you'd like.
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