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| His mouth covered mine and other thoughts
by amy1968 at 3/26/2009 1:21:40 PM
by Amy
His mouth covered mine in a hungry lock as we grappled on the over stuffed couch. His taste was deliciously filling my mouth. My arms wrapped around his powerful shoulders. I pressed more of me against him to savor the intoxication strength of his masculine energy. That served to ignite him even more as I felt his body press down on me. His fingers firmly tangled in my hair as his hips pushed into mine, urging me to open to him. I felt his desire harden quickly against my leg and, although I wanted to obey his demand, I was reluctant. He was still too new to me for me to feel safe enough in that ultimate state of vulnerability.
Yet, I continued to play with fire knowing how dangerously close I was to completely loosing my self-control. My body cried for him. I felt the flood of my own desire. It had been too long since I was last touched with such fervor. I wanted him. I needed him.
STOP right there! I gotta know right now! Before we go any further. Do you…
It would seem that in order to attract a man and enter into a more meaningful experience, women must withhold certain physical relations until a/the suitor in question demonstrates the appropriate interest. This is troubling to me that one must play this “game” of pursuit and with holding. Yet, I find my nature longing to be satisfied and, more importantly, filling that need to be wanted, touched and held in the safety and comfort that only masculine energy can provide. In addition, there is so much I have been waiting to explore with my partner. Not just life adventures, but intimate ones as well. This explorative curiosity is not the totality of a relationship, but certainly a large part of it, for me anyway.
I am brave enough to admit my weakness in having given into my physical desires on first dates or the occasional attractive stranger in the bar. Yet, I certainly wouldn’t want to present an impression that I give my sex to anyone. This potentially demonstrates a lack of confidence that is far more unattractive then any physical characteristic that I can think of. So, this leaves few options for satisfying certain physical needs that this sexually healthy female has.
Masturbation, while physically fulfilling, does little for the need to be touched. “Friends with benefits” fills both needs yet I am left with an empty feeling as they leave. Heavy sigh.
It is a conundrum for true. If I spend energy trying to get the physical met then what I truly desire, a long term partnership, is left in secondary priority and that is certainly not the impression I want to give the universe. A long term partnership is my priority and intent.
So, in my waiting, I do all I can, with what I got, from where I’m at. I am on dating websites and put myself in situations to meet people, more specifically single men. FYI ladies, sports bars are veritable cornucopia of single men. Of course, you have to be willing to allow him his “fan-dom”.
The dating scene is all about numbers. Much like being salesmen one must put your self “belly to belly” (so to speak) with as many potential buyers as possible This is the only way I know to get the accurate feel of their energy and potential. This gives one plenty of practice presenting yourself as yourself. This may sound easy, but getting over the first date butterflies can be a challenge.
Good thing I’m an extrovert. Yet, I get the impression that my out going personality can be overwhelming and be received as being too masculine. So, I have an additional challenge of embracing my feminine qualities. I.e.: Don’t shake his hand; rather touch him on his shoulder. Am I laughing to loud? OOOooo don’t yell at the T.Vscreen even if your team is screwing up and you’re sure they can hear you.
Certainly, I am capable of relaxing into softness. I like the feeling of being weak around a man. The deep voice, broad shoulders and musky smell of his cologne is enough to melt me in my seat. Their strength thrills me. Yet, he needs to know how I am up front so that he can make an educated decision about weather he wants spend more energy with me. No false pretences here. It is an exercise in harmonic balance for sure.
I have read that all women have to do is look good, smell good, and wear something short. Really? That may be all well and good. With enough money and good fashion advice this can be easily accomplished. For myself, I find the “allowing” the most challenge. “Don’t call him, let him call you. Let him take the lead in the conversations. Be comfortable with silence. Don’t force it, be soft. Ask for and allow him to help you. You don’t have to be self-sufficient all the time.” I am doing my best NOT to be the independent girl my Mother raised me to be. LOL
So, hear I am so eager and ready for that special fellow to come along, as I know he soon will. I do the drill. I meet them, and decide. Next. I meet them, and decide. Next. All are great in there own way. None so far have that certain something that I’m seeking. I guess you would call it chemistry. In the back of my mind I secretly say “Am I attracted to him?”, "could he take care of me to my expectations?", "Is he trust worthy?", "Is this the best conversation he can do?",“could I have sex with him?”,"...
It is a premature evaluation perhaps. It is still an important one to me. After all there is so much to be experienced. … Ah, well, maybe the next guy. And until then, I will continue my self love and write pornographic short stories.
Hugs and Kisses!
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