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Back To Blog Entries
| Returning to the masses
by tincupblueeyes at 4/3/2009 11:24:23 AM
Thank you for wanting to learn more about me. If my kids ever find out "I" did a "blog", they'd be rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically. To me it just feels "awkward". But this is my first one, so we'll see how it goes. You may end up on the floor laughing.
Since "us guys" don't set around and talk about "our feelings", I don't know whether other gentlemen feel the same about things as I do. I've read some of the forum stuff and don't really see anyone expressing the way I feel about relationships. Don't get me wrong, there seem to be some very nice gentlemen out there.
I went through a very disrepectful first marriage. I was no better than her and her no worse than me.
We were just too young and self-centered. I spent the next three years bar and bed hoppin', figuring I would never get married again. Heck, I had no responsibilities and was getting sex 5-6 nights a week, wherever and with whomever. Good thing HIV wasn't around back then.
Then I met "HER". And for the first time, I found myself actually caring. By my own choice, I quit drinking and running around. Just wanted to be with her all the time. Luckily for me, she wanted to be around me all the time, too. We had a whirlwind romance and married 2 months after meeting. For the next 25 years, learning how wonderful it was to be in a nurturing and loving partnership was great. Sex was replaced with INTIMACY (still had some "monkey love" when the time was right) and the complete feeling of knowing I was where I should be. I have no regrets and am grateful for the miracle I was given.
We gave each other the room to pursue individual interests, and developed mutual interests as well. It was so easy to be supportive when you knew that you would be supported also. That mutual support helped us to be adventerous and willing to take risks. And we did do that. Financially, emotionally and professionally. We made some mistakes, some bigger than others, but always knew our lives would still be intact. What a wonderful thing that was. We vowed never to refrain from doing something just because it scared us.
Our "lovemaking" started the minute we woke up and continued throughout the day and evening. Touching was a very large part of who we were. A stroke of the face, a kiss on the back of the neck, a brush of the hand across the behind. Never parting without saying "I love you."
Marriage is funny thing. When you first get married, you each have your own personality. Then the marriage starts to develop a personality. And the longer you're married, the stronger that personality becomes. And then all the sudden, one day, that personality is gone. Whether it be from divorce and the loss of the one you love. Then, all the sudden you're faced with "who am I" all over again. I know who I am in a relationship, but I'm not in one now. This is HUGE re-learning process.
I hope to have all those things again, because it truly was happiness. I know I have to date in order to find that someone, but it sure is scary.
I've been out with a number of ladies from different dating sights. They have all been very nice. There are a few I have had several dates with. After talking and getting to know each other, each time has resulted in the same conclusion. While we found each other attractive and nice, we also found that our ideas concerning healthy relationships weren't the same. Neither good or bad, just different.
I hope everyone finds that special someone, including me.
Thank You,
Russ
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