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| The cause of conflict in ourselves and with others
by safetyglrl at 5/18/2009 9:49:07 AM
I recently observed some conflicts on our little Utah message forum that has been the inspiration for this specific blog.
I only have desire with this post to place a buffet of the knowledge of the human psyche that I have harvested through my years so that each that reads may pick up their own plate and serve themselves with the concepts that they may find personally relevent.
I feel compelled to repeat one of the insights from the Celestine Prophesy
The Fourth Insight... The Struggle For Power
To gain energy, we tend to manipulate or force others to give us attention and thus energy. When we successfully dominate others in this way, we feel more powerful, but they are left weakened and often fight back. Competition for scarce human energy is the cause of all conflict between people.
We must identify which control drama we instigate when we are low on personal energy and consciously or unconsciously attempt to steal from the energy stores of others. The control dramas are:
The Interrogator
The Intimidator
The Aloof
The Poor Me
Putting controls in place for ourselves is good, while complete abandon is not, all while recognising that our ability to control is limited ONLY TO OURSELVES. And we all need to realize that even tho we may not be personally involved when control dramas are instigated by another to steal someone's energy, our own stores of energy can also be depleted simply through observance of the event if we have our own issues which are subsequently triggered.
My BEST FRIEND explained to me just last night that when dealing with anger issues, we each must determine the SOURCE of our anger, rather than merely focus upon the CATALYST which is typically and merely an event. Once the source is examined and resolved, then a repeat of the event will no longer be a trigger for our personal feelings of anger or resentment.
On the same Utah forum referenced above, I posted in the "What do you miss" thread a quote from the movie, "Shall We Dance" which stated that marriage was about someone being a witness to our lives. Many of my friends have stated on this same thread that THAT is what they miss as defined in their own manner of wording. They miss someone to confide in, to discuss important decisions, to feel safe in the arms of, someone who listens and understands them. When we are stripped or strip ourselves from the comfort and security of significant relationships we are prone to be thrown off balance and subsequently feel a little lost, confused and wonder if our existence is significant even to ourselves.
Abraham Maslow's pyramid suggests that there is a hierarchy to the needs of humans and that we cannot progress to the pinnacle point of self actualization until our lesser, yet more basic needs have, at least, reasonably been met.
The needs pyramid begins with a wide and solid foundation where physiological needs reside. Each subsequent level is more finite and consists of needs that may better be defined as desires or wants. Each human being resides somewhere amongst the levels of this needs pyramid based upon their very personal attainment and fulfillment of the needs described. Depending upon the events we experience in our lives and how we address them or let them affect us, we fluctuate up and down IN each level as well as AMONGST the levels.
Physiological Needs
These are biological needs. They consist of needs for oxygen, food, water, and a relatively constant body temperature. They are the strongest needs because if a person were deprived of all needs, the physiological ones would come first in the person's search for satisfaction.
Safety Needs
When all physiological needs are satisfied and are no longer controlling thoughts and behaviors, the needs for security can become active. Adults have little awareness of their security needs except in times of emergency or periods of disorganization in the social structure. Children often display the signs of insecurity and the need to be safe.
Needs of Love, Affection and Belongingness
When the needs for safety and for physiological well-being are satisfied, the next class of needs for love, affection and belongingness can emerge. Maslow states that people seek to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This involves both giving and receiving love, affection and the sense of belonging.
Needs for Esteem
When the first three classes of needs are satisfied, the needs for esteem can become dominant. These involve needs for both self-esteem and for the esteem a person gets from others. Humans have a need for a stable, firmly based, high level of self-respect, and respect from others. When these needs are satisfied, the person feels self-confident and valuable as a person in the world. When these needs are frustrated, the person feels inferior, weak, helpless and worthless.
Needs for Self-Actualization
When all of the foregoing needs are satisfied, then and only then are the needs for self-actualization activated. Maslow describes self-actualization as a person's need to be and do that which the person was "born to do." "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, and a poet must write." These needs make themselves felt in signs of restlessness. The person feels on edge, tense, lacking something, in short, restless. If a person is hungry, unsafe, not loved or accepted, or lacking self-esteem, it is very easy to know what the person is restless about. It is not always clear what a person wants when there is a need for self-actualization.
The only competition that we should really engage in, is that of where we are now and what we want and choose to become. We really should cease to use our elbows to shove our way through mankind in an effort to get ahead as this effort is futile and returns the exact opposite of what we desire and seek.
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