To be or not -

Back To Blog Entries

To be or not -
by dld01 at 6/21/2009 9:58:06 PM

For several months I've been regularly checking to see who's viewed my profile hoping for I don't know what...tonight I stumbled onto a log of somebody who wanted to end it all...this had me wondering just what is my reason for being...as more days than not are just so dang painful.

Been a struggling single mom for the entire life of my soon to be 20-yr old son. Worked my druthers as hard as able with all the hurdles childrearing brings...first he had years of asthma and pneumonia...then at schoolage the ADHD diagnosis...the meds for that brought on ITP and hemolytic anemia and then steriod meds for those conditios added morbid obesity and sleep apnea and then psoratic arthritis to the woes of his anger issues with me and his life thought processes...all through all that I worked full time and put myself through school to only need at this point to complete a thesis for a master's in business admin...and there has been many medical issues for myself as well...I just can't give up without continuing fighting for a better day or a better way...there has to be something good coming...I really believe it has to be some time soon.

I'm so tired and have worked so hard to get my kid graduated from high school...then he has not been able to get a job...finally there was a light shining I thought for a much deserved rest...in May my son got approved and finally on 6/9 finally got him off to JobCorp to finish his education and get himself a life...and for me to be finally free at last...what a joke...the kid trashed my place and the clincher for that day...I fell, shattered my arm in three places and ended up in the hospital for a week with surgery being required to put a rod and pins to put this Ms.humpty dumpty back together again.

I do not want sympathy - when life gives you a load of lemons...make lemonade or pie just make something good from it...find the ying that goes with that yang...it got to be there somewhere, somehow, sometime.

Comments
stillawildman	6/25/2009 8:12:50 PM yopu are not alone in this world and this economy.in aug 2007 was returning home ,when an 85 yearold woman crossed the double yellow and pulled out in front of me as i was merging into traffic at 55 both wrists/my knees/my shoulder.neck sufferd.after 18 months of operations and therapy.i am almost back to normal,now was a gov electrician,but they do not hold the jobs open,so i too see a crappy future,but with a smile and laugh and sometimes medications...It will be alright,,and old USMC stament comes to mind improvise.overcome and adapt..take care
dld01	6/26/2009 4:41:58 PM so sorry about the accident - not fun when somrbody pulls the rug when you'e standing on it - have been doing just that, improvise, overcome and adapt - as long as I breathe the buzzards aren't going to pick my bones - a smile, a laugh with a few good friends and some good meds helps - like I keep hearing and this too shall pass - you are right definitely not alone in this world - tace care and keep in touch if you like, can never have too many friends