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| Just weird....
by woffies at 7/3/2009 5:48:58 PM
Sometimes I have the strangest dreams and for the most part I can just shrug them off or use them for stories. There are moments, however, where they come back to me in a flash of déjà vu. It’s unnerving how a scent or a sound or even a flash of a face makes me remember so clearly a moment that I swear happened but I know did not.
Here is the example which sparked this writing…
I was in the lab the other day and got a whiff of disinfectant. It was not real strong but that and all the lab coats walking around triggered a memory.
I remember sitting there with something to say but knowing it didn’t matter what I said or who I said it to since they closed the little door. It never matters what comes out of my mouth ever since they put the snug jacket on. I remember that the walls were not white but more of a camel tan but they were padded just like in the movies none the less. I remember smelling that smell of disinfectant every day before lunch time but never knowing if it was truly lunch since there were no windows in my room. I had to take the nice orderlies word for it. They, at least, were not like the movies. No one beat me. No one strapped me to a table and shocked me. They were all so nice and that made me want to rip out their throats even more. They all were so willing to help but too stupid to understand. So wrapped up in trying to figure out how to cure me they were blinded to their own danger. I remember craving the feel of crushing a wind pipe in my jaws. I remember the aching want to look into the eyes of the nice Doctor Williams as the life left them. I remember thinking to myself it was only a matter of time before the grip would loosen and then I could hunt.
Now I can understand where most of this comes from- me being who I am and the Demons I have to deal with but I have to say each time I have these little “scenes” play out there is a little twisted part of me wondering which is the dementia? This leads all the way back to the story of a man dreaming to be a butterfly who is dreaming to be a man. Am I sitting in a mad house somewhere just waiting for the right moment and living a life in a cracked mind? If it were just the same scene over and over I would strongly consider it but these vary in time…not allowed…and over all events. Meh. I was just cyber-thinking…figured I would share.
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