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| Part 2. The Choice is yours... continued
by joy617 at 7/29/2009 3:55:02 PM
My grandmother always told me, you will get wiser as you grow older. It is a shame that it took a Near Death Experience for me to realize that it doesn't hurt to give others the benefit of doubt and to be nicer to people. I had been taught that as a child, but it took lying on my back with casts and immobolizers all over my body for me to look up to God (no pun intended) and truly understand what he means when he says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself".
I realized that no one intentionally says mean things to hurt us. When I started thinking in terms of forgiveness, understanding and unconditional love I had my eyes opened to a depth of knowledge that I had never experienced.
God's still working on me, but I am better than I was. I'm glad it's not too late to think positive and be optimistic about life.
I had been a volunteer Clergy at Mills Manor Nursing Home in Mayfield, KY since 1992. I began volunteering at Hickman County Detention Center in Clinton, KY.
My goal was to accept everyone reguardless of their "crime" and to tell them my story of survival. I had men to come up to me and say, "I'm a rapist! I've tortured many women. Do you think you love me preacher lady?"
The first time this happened I admit I almost feared this man for a second. I had been a victim of rape and I could have chose to allow that experience to anger me.
I hugged him and asked if I could pray for him. My prayer went something like this.
"Lord, only you know the hearts of people. This man stands before me admitting he has sinned. You give us Grace, Lord. I pray for my brother to find Peace in his heart as he surrenders to you the pain from his life that caused him to respond to society the way he did. I pray Lord for strength for him as he tries to figure out the "Why Me?" in his life and the "If onlys" that could have been. I thank you for peace that passes all understanding and may he receive unconditional Love from me, Lord... a rape victim. Forgive me, when I fail you, as you forgive this man when he has fallen short to do your will. Bless his life Lord. From this day forward may he be pleasing unto you and serve you. May he never again cause harm to others and may no one else cause harm to him. I thank you for him attending my service to hear from you through me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."
You could have heard a pin drop in that prison. I opened my eyes and one man was glaring at me. He said, "Lady are you just stupid or do you not have a bit of fear in your body?" I dismissed the other men and I sat on the desk to answer his question.
"I have no fear, that is true. God gives me strength to do what I do. He removed my fear and gives me courage to come here and minister to you and the others. To answer your question, 'Are you just stupid?' Well, honestly some times I do think I am. Then God reminds me that it is FAITH that brings me here! Compassion of Christ that keeps me here and unconditional love that brings me back. Is that stupid? I don't think so. I just want life to be better for everyone on earth. If I can be one drop in the bucket to make that happen... well, here I am."
He shook his head and made a "Tsk" sound as he left the room. The next day the jailer asked if I could come by for a talk. I worked it into my schedule and dropped by (about 50 miles from where I worked).
He said, "I know what you do is a good thing. I just never expected the response that I have seen. Last night one of the hardest criminals we have here got saved in his jail cell. He kept asking to see you. It was late. I told him if he would quit yelling that I'd ask you to come see him today."
I was taken to the man who scoffed at me the day before. He said, "Sister, when I heard you pray for that man I thought, 'She's a fool! Nothing but a fool! No body needs her here! Heck, I'm only here to see her to get out of my cell. She's useless to all of us.' Then I had a dream about dying. I woke up more scared then I have been in my life. I woke up the whole hall. I was like a caged animal. I got to sweating and the only thing I had to fan with was your newsletter. I sat in the floor confused and fanning myself. I seen your name on it and I opened it up. On the first page was the "Salvation Prayer". I read it out loud mocking you. Then I began to cry and I read it again. My whole body shook. I read it again. Then I had a thought about you. What if everyone in my life had been accepting of me and had cared the way you did. Would I even be in here? That's when it hit me like a flood. I really truly prayed that prayer again. This time I wasn't angry, I was just hurting deep inside, you know? You alright, girl! Even if you are stupid for coming here. You alright!"
He sobbed like a baby and I held him in my arms. Something I usually didn't do in the prisons was to touch the men.
I thank God for giving me the chance to really "be all that I can be" for His glory!
God bless!
Hugz,
Jan
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