|
|
|
Back To Blog Entries
| I know, I know, I know better
by irishguy48 at 8/13/2009 7:07:05 PM
Ok, ok I know, I know, I know better...
So I spend some time fishing...not with a pole but a "pen" (yeah, right, it's a keyboard, not a pen) I meet some interesting, some weird(er than me!), some cute, some funny, some downright absurb, some perhaps not human, some not of the gender or age they purport to be...
I stumble, as it were, accross paths by way of someone elses thread a woman who says something that seems so "with it" and together...so, I follow my nose, and end up in a garden of profound, funny, entertaining, sad, enlightening, tough as tender, prose...intrigued indeed...
...a month or so later of some waggish exchanges she agrees to actually meet me...I go on a date with an incomplete stranger...enough details to know and regognise that face...what happens next astounds even me!
Never before has anyone, any woman, ever been able to keep up with my twisted sense of humor, been able to top it, been able to one-two-three up me! Yet here she is sitting accross a table from me, all I want to do reach accross and take her hand; I do and am in awe of the delicate fingers, the clearly gentle as morning dew hue and texture of her skin...
Much celebrated laughter, glimpses of past pains, hopes for the future, deep concern and love for each's own children shared and shared alike, we bid adieu to the restaurant and then she ZINGS ME! And the laughter is deep and all consuming, fears burn away, the past fades like contrails behind a jet, leaving the merest hint of where we came from, of how it is we got to here, there, then, evey painful moment, every tender mercy ever received, leading us both to that specific moment in time.
After a few shared cycles of pasts exposing our weaknesses, failures, dreams for another day-another way, she leans close, pulls me closer and our lips compress against the others; so soft, so gentle, so tender, and brief a moment which lasts a lifetime...a star blazes accross the galaxy of time and there is no-where, there is no-when, I'd rather be, and I thank every step of my life, all of it, every rotten, every blessed, every everything, which brought me to that place, that woman, for just that one moment in time!
...and now here I am, more facinated than before...caution out the window, fear builds...been hurt too much,...everything... but still...there IS something...then more fear, walls crumble...and I don't care...I want to live... I don't want to get hurt... I don't want to cause any hurt, I don't want to push, I want to accept whatever comes like a reed accepting the ebb and flow of the tide...
So where do I go? What do I do? How can I proceed without exposing my fears...do I let it go? Do I?
Can I? Can she? Can any of us? Most of us here are here because we want something, but what is it truly?
Do we, do any of us actually believe we can find "the one" in this cyber-world? Is this a pipe dream?
Could this woman really be? Could I be hers? Am I a fool? Am I on a fool's errand?
The exchanges since have suggested, way more than suggested, that she too is feeling much as I; yet she is more careful...she too has been hurt, deeply, terribly, by those she has trusted...but the picture she presents is of hope, a hope which mirrors mine. Can it be? Dare I, dare she, to believe it?
|
|
|
|
 |