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| Wolf Lament
by woffies at 8/20/2009 3:06:57 PM
Dreams are dangerous. I once thought that the world of facts and logic was nothing but heartbreak. No matter how hard you work to reach a goal something happens to sabotage the struggle. Someone trips you at the finish line for some other to win the heart so desperately needed to survive. Some dishonorable wretch who would not care either way, it was just a moments tryst anyway. She is nothing…a toss away. The thought of violence to all like him is so purely natural it horrifies. Again, with the dreams- now dark and delicious, I can feel the bones break in my grip. I can taste the blood as I rip, in lupine grace, the throat of this heartless creature. I can smell the fear and panic. It is only the sound that always brings me back. It is a wet foaming choke of a dying man that suddenly stops.
No wonder I shrank from it. It is no wonder at all I dove head long into an impossible goal- why not? If I was going to fail anyway, as I seem to do, why not fail on a grand scale. Why not reach for the Moon, or her Daughter, and blissfully die trying to hold and to loved her. So badly I have always felt this way and never knew just what I was feeling. Never a face, never a name but the longing was always there as well was the primal need to protect. So I have tried to call out but there is never an answer. Never is there a match for the hunger, at least none that I have found.
I wish to be able to give into it. I need to find the one true mate for me and lose myself for a time. It would be so easy, a sublime submission. The perfect violation as she bites deep to mark her pet. But that is not what is called for. No. All must be broken down. Rebuild again into another form. Another way must be found. Dreams are nothing it seems. It is this puzzle I struggle with night after night. I still Dream. .. I still crave and hunger for this match. Am I to be some martyr to always help others to happiness and never to find my own? Am I truly a Cosmic Jester to the Fates to be shown all the possibilities and have each and everyone denied me as a cruel amusement? I know she is out there. I just need to be patient but it is so hard in the waiting. The biggest worry is that when I find her and the time is right…will she see me as I see her? Have I found her already and lost my chance to timid action? Would I know her when her teeth were even at my own throat?
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