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| "Ew, Shes got cellulite."
by marymiso at 9/3/2009 9:55:15 PM
"Ew, Shes got cellulite."
so i was at my best friends house today and he said thee above about this girl that had stripped down to her bra and panties for a commercial. i had thought it was great they used real people and not women and men that had the "perfect" body. my best friend... well... let me explain how he looks. 6 foot. stunning face. great, nice fit body and just all around amazing looking. now... me... 5 foot 6 about... over weight. and not very good looking as a whole. now for him to say this right in front of me... i was shocked. i was hurt. even tho it was not about me... there is this beautiful nice bodied women on tv and all he can say is "Ew. Shes got cellulite." i would kill for this womens body and my a**hole friend says that. a lot of you wont see that as a big deal but to me it is which is really weird because i am not one to hold my tongue just becuase it might hurt ones feelings. but i think i was more put off at the fact that my best friend that is truly amazing to me would say or even think something like that. when he said it i turned around and gave him this glare after i gasped with surprise that he said it. he laughed and said sorry.i had let it go in till later that we were online looking at models photos and we came across a lovely photo of these two women. the first thing he does is point out that the plus size girl was not good looking and he changes the page. the next photo is of course a "hot" skinny, fit girl with her a** in the photo and then he goes straight to looking at her page... as where he didnt take a second look at the other girls who i think had a better over all photo. yes i realize not everyone or anyone for that matter will share what i think but it just put me off how he was acting. i then called him shallow and it had really hit him hard. he does not and will not see himself as shallow. he had dated a plus size girl for a little over 3 years so it never came up. when him and i later talked about me calling him shallow he could see i was rather hurt and i had brought up the "Ew, Shes got cellulite." thing and he had said sorry yet again but in a truthful way. after that i had told him again i am sorry that me saying he is shallow hurt him and that he is right that he is not truly shallow but yet was saying rude things. he texted me a little bit after i had gotten home saying "youre right im really sorry" and i took his sorry that he had given me back at his house but with the text i could tell he was thinking about it ever sense i had left. i of course replied with "like even tho u didnt say it about me it really hurt that you would think something or say something like that but yeah its cool" and yet he says "i know and i feel really bad" i know he does but i cant bring myself to reply to that. we have plans to do stuff online tonight and i dont think i can bring myself to talk to him. at least not tonight. part of the reason it hurt so much is because i like him more then a friend as well. have for over 3 years. i cant even bring myself to reply to his last text. i cant just say its okay.. even tho yes.. 'IT' is okay. but 'I' am not. i know he would never want to hurt me but... it hurts... a lot. i have always been able to be 100% open with this man and now i just feel so in the closet. and i mean that with my body. i finally got myself to not wear a jacket around him and now i feel like i cant do that anymore. he truly does not realize how bad it hurt and i dont want him to know but i cant lie to him. hence the none response. i dont feel like i can be myself with out him thinking "Ew, Shes got cellulite." about me now. i just dont know what to do. if you have read all of this thank you very much. even if you have something rude to say thank you muchly for reading this. i know i might be expecting to much from him but i mean out of all the 3 years we have known each other... we have only been mad at each other once before and we both felt like shit for that. he was hurt by what i had said and i was hurt by what he had said so this is now the second time. he can say sorry 14872384712834 times but it wont change that i no longer feel at home with him. and i cant even let him know how i feel which makes it that much worse.
i just.... need... i dont know. a hug.
all i can think about is him holding me as we lay on the hill at the park and him saying how sorry he is [only half of that has happened but its just what i see happening if i tell him how i feel] i can forgive him as i do but it wont change how i feel.
=[
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