MEN: Help, need some opinions

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MEN: Help, need some opinions
by ohnomrbillohno at 9/7/2009 7:07:22 AM

From a guy's perspective...

Is it rude or best for me to email guys to say, "Thanks, but no thanks," or should I just delete with no contact whatsoever?

I used to do it all the time, saying you know, thanks but no thanks. And then I read on a relationship/ dating site that that's just not necessary. It's time consuming plus it makes both parties uncomfortable and, not to mention, hurts the feeling's of the party not getting the interest.

So I stopped. I was glad I did. SO much easier.

But then I come here, or to other dating sites, and guys are all like, "Well, at least a no thanks would be nice instead of just 'delete, delete' without even looking at me. That's so rude!"

Okay listen, first off - - stop whining about it! You're supposed to be grown men. Get over it and move on. This is what's up:

1) We DO look at you. Or at least we have already. Face it, there is something we didn't like or were not into about you. Most likely, it's nothing personal since we don't know you. AT all.

Or 2) We looked at you AND read the message, or should I say, deciphered it? It's really annoying being talked to in text speak unless, you know, we're actually TEXTING. This isn't Twitter. You have more than 140 characters man. KWIM?

FYI: This makes a horrible first impression. If you can't spell or form a complete sentence, or are just too lazy to attempt either, you're probably not the guy for me. Sorry.

I'm torn on this. On the one hand, yes of course I think it's a little rude. But on the other hand, WHY is it rude? I don't know you, you don't know me. I'm BUSY. I don't have time to send a personal no thank you to every single dude messaging me. And since I don't have a pissy profile for a change, LOL, there seems to be a lot lately.

So what are your thoughts on this? Ignore and delete, or send a thanks but sorry dude, email?

Frankly, I get sick of it. I block my profile a LOT.

EDITED TO ADD: Just realized that I've gotten 2 more emails just since I started typing this...

Comments
gamer989	9/7/2009 7:29:52 AM You know you aren't going to make people happy either way you go. There will always be someone that takes it personal. Don't let people pressure you into thinking you are rude. You have a life & can't look at every single person on here. I say you do what you feel is right for you. Not them. I, personally, just deleate them. I just don't understand why there are some women that start to talk to you & then just stop. Now that's rude.
geocab123	9/7/2009 7:49:22 AM I guess it depends, is that an exact quote of you turning them down? I'd prefer a delete if so. If you're more tactful about it, I'd like a simple rejection e-mail. For the ones who can't handle a rejection and yell at you in return, you should just laugh because you can now see why they're single. I don't understand the whole text speak thing either. I read somewhere that "every communication you send out to the world is a reflection of you." I type like this even when texting. I don't understand the popularity of Twitter. "I just inhaled...and now exhaled." "A plane flew overhead." Sorry about the tangents.
lickingood69	9/7/2009 7:55:40 AM Do what makes u happy. We don't know each other, get over it dudes, grow up people! She may not like you or what u say n profile. U go girl, do what u want.
bizyguytiday	9/7/2009 8:21:51 AM I personally appreciate it when someone takes the time to say they're not interested. I'm not bent if I get no response, though, either.
ohnomrbillohno	9/7/2009 9:43:10 AM Thanks guys! I see this all depends on the guy... So I have no problem at all with a simple, "No thank you" but Geo - what exactly is a "tactful" way to reject someone? I was always under the impression that, "Thanks but no thanks" was both polite and, for the most part, tactful. I mean really, why make it so complicated? Did you not see the part where I said I was BUSY and didn't have time to be typing personal rejection letters? I'm probably just going to stick with deleting... and for those of you who DO think it's rude, it shouldn't be a problem then. You don't want to be with someone that you think is rude anyhow, do you?
geocab123	9/7/2009 5:11:46 PM Well, MrBill, I didn't mean for you to type out an essay, I simply thought that the wording of "Thanks, but no thanks" sounded a little b*tchy with a hint of arrogance. A simple, "thank you, but I don't see us being compatible, good luck" would be more tactful in my eyes. That's just the way I would take it, even if you don't mean it that way. Just my opinion. Too busy? How many e-mails are you getting a day? 437?
oneawesumseabee	9/8/2009 6:05:05 AM To be honest .. I would rather a woman just say what you said .. that way I can go on knowing you are not interested. I am a realist .. so like i said that says it all and if a guy can't take it .. he should just MAN UP !!!! Any way .. you are an individual .. and that is what makes us all very unique. Some guys can take it the extra mile though and just think of it as an angle in on trying to get you to say yes. So, do what you want .. no one is your boss .. but you. Take care... and good luck!
ohnomrbillohno	9/8/2009 7:18:17 AM Geo, from yesterday to right now, I have 14 new messages in my Inbox. I'm not looking @ pics and deleting, I actually like to take time and read their profile. So maybe you have a lot of time to spend here, but I don't. Here is (usually) what I would say just so there is no more confusion, "Thanks for... (whatever, if they had left a compliment.) I don't think you're the one for me but good luck. There's someone out there for everyone!" To this I'll add that I've gotten emails back from guys ASKING why they are not for me, making me think OMG, like Bee said above, MAN UP. I'm not the best looking or the nicest or the last woman on earth. Just find another.
geocab123	9/8/2009 9:47:21 AM See, I was going off of your exact quote before, what you just wrote is perfect. If they can't take it, or want more of an explanation, I'll third what Bee said, "Man up!!" Either they have no confidence, or too big an ego, neither is worth a second response.
wilee4	9/8/2009 4:42:47 PM I read this post just after sending an e-mail myself. thank goodness I spelled out sentences! I don't get text anyway. My resonse however, is do unto others.
randbo64	9/10/2009 3:56:00 AM Personally, I would look and if not appealing to me I just delete them because if you have contact then they think you might be interested them. "JUST DELETE THEM" good luck.
ohnomrbillohno	9/10/2009 7:34:44 PM Thanks guys! I appreciate all your responses. Still wading through the Inbox... Lol
hotgreek12	10/2/2009 7:53:29 PM Ur time is valuable just dont respond.
ohnomrbillohno	10/3/2009 5:44:56 PM Thanks guys!
modernborn	10/5/2009 1:42:00 AM OMG - their is only one answer, and that is no thanks, if you do not respond at all you are likely to get more emails. Did it really take a rocket scientist to figure this out. No thanks means Less emails. come on people. and as for spelling give it a break its closer to texting, lighten up.
ohnomrbillohno	10/8/2009 10:04:26 PM Thanks modern! All opinions are appreciated