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Back To Blog Entries
| my first blog
by pickles83 at 10/18/2009 4:14:04 PM
So this is a blog. Well ive never done this before. according to the explaination here on top of the page, a blog is a sort of "online journal". Ive had a journal before, but why you would want one to share with the whole world is beyond me. I highly doubt that anyone really wants to hear about my life and whatever problems i might be having. I'm sure that with all thats going on right now in the world my problems are nothing compared to those that some are having. But according to this website its a good way for people to get to know you. Not only that but i'm feeling a little bit down today and as pathetic as this may sound i want to throw myself a little pitty party. Cause lets face it, anyone that writes on these things and posts there life problems all across the internet, either wants attention or they want to feel sorry for themselves and the want the world to as well. Well, in all honesty and unfortunatly for all you people that are actualy reading this, i am looking to acomplish the later of the two. I dont know why. I try really hard to be a positive person and try to stay upbeat. But today sucks, and right now i am feeling so down, and i'm feeling way to lazy to actualy do something about it. Its much easier to just sit here and b*tch and moan about it, so that's what i'm going to do. some may think less of me for doing it, but quite frankly, right now, i really dont care. Besides i think everyone needs to do this every now and again. Maybe it will make me feel better. So here we go.
I am on this stupid online dating thing to meet someone. I am doing this only because i'm to shy and socialy awkward to meet people, especialy woman, any other way. I dont have very many friends. Well actually i shouldn't say that. I do have alot of people that have been there for me as a friend, but i find myself avoiding them alot. I just dont know what to say to them. I often get real anxious around people. I'm not a freak or anything, its just that i've always kind of liked being alone and doing my own thing. It just also suck sometimes being alone. I know it sounds crazy dont it. So anyways, I live alone and i isolate. The only time that i feel relaxed enough and i'm not afriad to meet people is when i'm drinking. but that only gets me in trouble. I mean dont get me wrong, i'm most defiantly a happy drunk, and either drunk or sober, i dont start trouble with people. But a couple of weekends ago, I went out to the bars by myself to try to meet someone, and i accidentaly got drunk and blacked out. I still dont know how i got home. The good news is that i walked from my house to the bars so i know for a fact that i didn't drive. But still, the next morning it realy kind of freaked me out. I've blacked out from drinking before, but never that bad. Maybe that's why i am feeling really down right now. Because despite all that, here i am. Sitting here alone in a empty house, feeling bad for myself. But you know what? Now i actualy feel a little better. Maybe i just needed to vent. That's probable what this whole blog thing is all about. Well sorry to those that read this. Hope i didn't ruin your night. I am just being honest and writting about how i feel. Isn't that the whole idea behind a journal? Even if its one posted on the internet?
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