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| "The Ghost"
by steelcowboy59 at 10/20/2009 9:00:39 AM
If you do not love you do not live. I am not of the living and not of the dead. I feel the sun on my face, and the wind in my hair. The evo that thunders under me turns the wheels that take me through a never ending movie that plays all around me. The sun glints off the chrome, as I move through a world I am not part of anymore. In my head I cling to the shadow of a world that once was. So the wheels turn, and the world keeps turning. It goes on forever through the city, and the traffic. Through the country with it's smells and it's feelings. And I take it all in. I see the small towns and the big city. And I see the people. I look down and see people living their lives. I see them going about their days and nights. But they do not see me. I am not here anymore. My life is in the past. I still feel the love, and the pain that once was. I see the children playing with their toys. They still dream the dreams of a child. Dreams of a future, and what they will become when they are older. I am older now. And I dream no more. I do not wish to sleep. I will sleep when I die. And I am not ready to die, so I wonder on. Searching for more, this can't be all. Just wanting to feel something. Something in the here and now. I have been told to forget the past. But there was love there, in the past. I know, I remember love, I remember everything. Even the things I would like to forget. I tried to forget. The more I drank, the more I remembered. I don't drink anymore, and I don't try to forget. Why should a ghost forget?
In my mind I revisit the people and the places. And in my mind they never changed. They are as they were. Forever frozen in time. To be replayed as part this story. And the music plays just as it did then. Journey plays open arms. Like some old movie sound track,this to is part of the story that plays in my mind.
Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mind
Softly you whisper, your so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side
I see the candles now. They light up the room in a soft glow. I smell their scent as it hangs in the air. And I know the taste of her lips as they meet mine. I ride on, and I feel a single drop of something wet on my face blowing from under the shades I am wearing. I know how this story ends. Sometimes I wonder if she found what she was looking for. I know I can not go back there. She does not need to know me anymore. To much went down in the name of love. I remember the blood falling from her finger tips from the cuts on her wrists, and the tears falling from her eyes. One of us had to walk away. And as usual that would have to be me. I am someone else now. She would be someone else now. The tattoo on her lower back is a testimony of the love for the man she knew then. Not the ghost I am now. But she would remember, just as I do now. And so the ride goes on.
I drift to another place now. A place with endless miles of over hanging trees, and a long twisting two lane. It is Fall, and the trees ablaze with color. I see a kaleidoscope of color all around me. And the sun flashes in and out of the scene as I pass through the overhanging trees that line the road. The leaves are also lining the road on both sides. They are deadly to a fast moving street bike like this one. One minute your leaning over farther than the bike can. (My bike is lowered, and is not more than an inch or two off the ground in hard turns) And the next minute you can hear that sick noise of metal on asphalt . You are on the ground, just hoping you do not hit anything hard before you stop sliding. But for now they are just laying there adding to the visual impact of the road. As the canopy above us breaks up the sun, the air blows cool and sweet here. The miles pass slowly, and the Evo settles into a dark hollow thumping sound as the pipes broadcast their message into empty space. But the miles do pass. Just as the time passes, unnoticed. With nothing to mark time it still passes. Ten years can pass in an instant. And I drift back farther in time. To another love, and another time. Has it really been ten years? It feels like ten minutes. I can still see her eyes looking up into mine. I hear her soft sweet voice as she takes my hand and tells me her name. Her's is a name I will never forget. But mine is lost to her now. It marks ten years lost to both of us. They put her away for ten years. And a part of me went with her. I served the time in a prison of my own making. I had the key, but I turned and locked the door. I could not forget her. I was a fool, but I was her fool. She had a life, but she wanted to play. She played very well. But I was playing for keeps. And I don't know if she understood that then. I think she knew latter though.( Closer to the end,) If there ever was an end. And if there was, it would have been the day I walked back into her life. She had been released, and was staying with her family, and working at a fast food place. I stopped in for a coke, and there she was. A ghost from my past. But ghost do not scare me, I know them to well. I walked right up to her. Close enough to touch her. My God I so wanted to touch her again after ten years. But she didn't know me any more. I removed the shades. And I looked into her eyes again for the first time in ten years, and she still didn't know who I was. The fear was gone from her eyes at least. No way I was going to tell her, and put it back. I just turned and walked away. I destroyed her life once. But not twice. Sometimes you stop trying to fix things. And you just ride on. That works well for a ghost.
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