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| The Clarity of My Mind & Desires...
by irresistiblered at 10/21/2009 3:30:27 AM
I have this plan...no ...dream to accomplish certain things within the future...move..go to somewhere else which makes my goal possible. They are awesome dreams. Great stories.
For someone like me...which of course you don't know, but my goals and motivations are my life...without them, I become imbalanced, wither, and die....so, for someone like me, these goals are what is making me take every breath, get up in the morning, forget my fears, and run after what I want.
As precious as these dreams are...I would put them in my briefcase, and take the other path...because after being alone for decades...after being scared and terrified of sharing what is inside of me with another soul....after all that I have done, all that has been...after so long...or maybe even EVER...I found a man who only wants to have fun...(what a foreign concept)...makes me laugh...irritate me to death...banter over everything and nothing at all...make me wanna hate him...make me wanna kiss him...makes me wanna faun over him...make me wanna discover every inch of his body and let him find every inch of mine...
Someone who is not afraid of my fears...
A man who is not quick to love, but is easy to understand...for me. As I am easy for him.
He might be impossible...he is impossible...I know...I have watched him for what seems forever. But even from the first moment...I saw him...and he saw me.
He didn't see my defeats...he found the victories.
He didn't fall for my usual game of repelling and rebelling.
He carved those out and picked the pieces that were intact, but buried.
I am not his life...he was a part of my past...but I never met him. I never knew.
I told him I fear...he shrugged them away. I told him I am scared...he laughed them off.
He told me of the tiny bit of possibilities...he said he wants to be breathlessly waiting till he comes home to her...That HER is who I want to be.
In that place...that simple one sentence place of His dreams, my fears are gone, I traded them off with those possibilities.
If I have to resurrect the woman that I was...if I have to go miles...if I have to fight to be who I was, so I be a part of his life...if I have to become worthy of the woman he needs...God help me, I shall.
There won't be too many second chances to reclaim a life.
If I, one day, have his love...I will fight to keep that love.
Because for someone like me...there are just very few precious men....the real ones who don't even know what they have right underneath the tough skin they had formed to bury what they deemed impossible.
I just wish that I am not too late to reclaim what I was offered one day.
And all he wants in return...are my stories...and my love...and my Self...with all the good...and all the bad...and all that is worthy.
I will not hold back...and I hope he is capable of giving them all to me, as I am.
Can he bare it all?? His soul...his heart...his thoughts...just as I have? Can he remembers the softness of his desires, and the tenderness of a caress that runs along his skin and touches the deepest part of his heart?
Can he shed the tough skin and be just the man, wrapped around the woman? Can he surrender?
Oh God...I wish...and I hope...because I have finally learned to surrender to him.
And that...is my new clarity.
I am taking steps...is he going to run, or will he go the miles?
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