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| Guide for Men
by trippy_hare at 10/24/2009 9:14:32 AM
I've been getting a lot of positive responses lately about the advice I've been giving (much to my own chagrin)- so I figured I'd write up a little guide for people new to the whole internet dating thing.
Let's start with the guys- because men in general are fairly simple- but add the internet, and most men become retarded. So, this is for the guys.
I'm assuming you're literate, so a good start would be to ACT LIKE IT. Seriously- learn how to write a simple sentence, with a Capital at the beginning and a period at the end. Read it aloud- and if it sounds like something you'd hear on TV- not the Springer show, but actualTV- you've done well. If not, try again. And again.
Next- DON'T SEND WOMEN PICTURES OF YOUR PENIS. It makes me throw up to be in the same gender as people so mind-numbingly stupid they need to be told that. DON'T. SEND. PICTURES. OF. YOUR. PENIS. See, women are actually different then men. They think differently, their brains are wired differently, and they are aroused and attracted by VERY different things than men are. If a man sees pictures of a woman's naughty bits, he immediately is intrigued on a subconscious, primitive level. WOMEN AREN'T LIKE THAT. Let me repeat- WOMEN ARE NOT TURNED ON BY SEEING A PENIS. They aren't. Really. Women's brains work differently, remember? Women like having conversations, discussing things, and building a rapport. No, that doesn't mean you can show her your penis after a long talk about the Middle East or whatever. NO PICTURES OF THE PENIS. EVER. EVER! Clear on that?
Moving on- don't put on your profile "women only like the bad guys, and poor nice guys like me are always ignored. Boohoo, boohoo!" or anything remotely similar. What most nice guys fail to realize is that Nice Guy = Doormat. If you identify as a nice guy, you're a doormat. Did you know that? You are- see, women don't like "nice guys" because nice guys are boring, clingy, spineless, wimpy doormats. NOT attractive. So instead of declaring yourself a nice guy(doormat) and whining about how no women appreciate you, try this- stop trying to always please them.
On a related note- putting things like "tired of being hurt", "sick of being lonely", "tired of the single life", "looking for a nice girl", or any of that overused cliche bullshit is going to make every sane woman look at your profile and say "ugh, another sappy loser who will spend our first date pining for his ex." Which, by the way, isn't typically a good way to earn a second date.
Next up- know what you want. This is actually pretty tricky, becuase most men think they want a girl with: big boobs/nice legs/tight ass/misc. physical attribute, no or little to no brains, no friends, an insatiable sex drive, and a sycophantic need to please. In reality, girls possessing all those attributes are f**king CRAZY. F**KING. CRAZY!!!1 Stop looking for a girl who can mentally picture as a porn starlet, and start looking for a girl you can talk to. Because as I mentioned above, girls like conversations- so if you want to have a girlfriend, you need to have conversations. So it's a good idea to find someone you can talk to.
Moving on- don't be afraid to say hello. Yes, JUST hello. NOT "U R Hawt!!111111111", or "U so Fine!!111" or "hit me up!  ", or ANYTHING OTHER THAN HELLO. Women get a BAZILLIONTY emails from barely-literate internet scumbags consisting of "U R So HOT!!!!"s and "damn grrrl, U so fine!!!11"s and all that other txt-lingo bullshit. Stop it. JUST. F**KING. STOP. Do you WANT women to think you're some two-bit loser who can't string together a single f**king sentence?! No. Say "hello". Start a conversation. I believe I've mentioned conversations and their importance already.
Another really important thing- learn to take rejection stoically. Meaning, if a woman tells you to get lost, or just stops talking to you, sack it up and leave it at that. None of this "U DONT NO WAT U R MISSNG!!!1" nonsense. If a woman says no, for whatever reason, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way. Take care.  " JUST. LIKE. THAT. You can call her a b*tch and a c*cktease and anything else you want in a blog, or to your idiot male buddies over a beer, but do NOT say so in a message! For f**k's sake, have some dignity, and just let it go.
DON'T SEND THEM PICTURES OF YOUR PENIS. Just a reminder. DON'T F**KING DO IT, MORON!
Be realistic- amazingly enough, there is no such thing as the Magic Temple of Attractive Single Women. There is no one place where you can find a woman. So don't just sit around and maon like a crybaby that women aren't beating a path to your door. Get involved- there's forums here, where you can voice your opinion about things that interest you. There's a SEARCH feature, so you can actually look for women that appeal to you, instead of waiting for them to come to you. Then there's also the Outside World- get a hobby. A hobby that involves other people. Then- lo and behold- you'll actually meet other people. 50% of which will be women. some of them will even be single- and then, you can have CONVERSATIONS with them about a topic that interests BOTH of you!
Confidence. Holy shit, confidence. The reason you THINK women only go for bad guys, is because bad guys don't give a shit about other people's opinions- which is easily mistaken for CONFIDENCE. Confidence, for those of you who don't know, basically means "know your shit". Know what you're talking about. Making shit up is a lot harder than actually knowing what you're talking about- and as I've covered, talking is important. VERY important.
Don't lie. Seems simple, right? Well, apparently, most men still think it's easier to make up bullshit than to just come out and say "I'm not into you. Sorry." It isn't. Lying takes skill- skill you don't have. Men have no skill at this- because a man's brain doesn't work that way, it doesn't interpret data in abstract. To lie, you need to concoct a plausible story, with plausible minutiae (little, trivial shit that you think is unimportant, but serves to set the ambience and thus is something women will notice if it doesn't add up), then KEEP UP the same story with the same details... it's much, much, MUCH f**king easier to just say "Yeah, I'm not attracted to you" or "I'm just looking for sex" or whatever. Stop thinking yourself so damn clever, because you aren't. Period.
There's another thing- being a "player" and having lots and lots and lots of sexual partners doesn't make you cool. It instead gives you herpes or HPV- which then leads to penis cancer. That's right- being a man-wh*re gives you c*ck cancer. Me personally, of all the places to get cancer, that seems like the worst. You know how they treat c*ck cancer? They nuke your d*ck, then they chop it off. DON'T WH*RE AROUND.
Lastly- don't give up. If nothing else works, try taking some community college classes, or work towards a promotion. It may not get you any women, but it will make you feel better about yourself.
I'll post a guide for women as soon as I'm done writing it.
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