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| married but separated...
by a4x4girl at 10/31/2009 10:09:22 AM
So I'm sure that we've all heard this once or twice, "I'm separated but still married." I was dating a guy who had told me that. Yes, he actually did live separated from his wife but he was still tied to her paying her house payment and miscellaneous other bills. He said he'd been separated for almost a year...but the paperwork for divorce hasn't been filed.
We had fun on our dates, we shared the same interests and all that but...I as a woman must ask myself, "is he really ready for another relationship?" I doubt it. The stress and emotional spillover from his current marriage is likely to cause some problems in my relationship with him. The problem, I was already falling in love with him. Irony eh?
If I'm already involved with him before his separation I am probably setting myself up for the insecurity and the probability of history repeating itself. Each time he said he had to go to his "wife's" house I worried that he would miss his married life - he even stated that he enjoyed telling people he has been married for 19 years!
I have found that rebound relationships tend to be more of an emotional (possibly) or sexual (not the case with us - we hadn't had sex) self validation for the person recently broken up or divorced, and less of a stable, honest commitment. This person hasn't had enough time to themselves to get past their history and not let it affect their relationship with someone else.
So my solution, I told him I cared about him, and that when he gets his divorce, he and I can talk again. One last note: It hurt me to tell him but in the end I feel it was for the better.
~T
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