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can i really be that bad
by amanda31207 at 12/31/2007 12:34:48 AM


i dont even know where to begin...i was with this guy for 2 years and it was perfect at first then i got pregnant and the bills started pilling up and we became parents...im not gonna lie i loved him alot he said he loved me and wanted to marry me then one day out of the blue just left didnt say anything nothing i didnt know where he went or anything...the next at 300 he came home and said he didnt love me anymore he was unhappy everything...i tried sooo hard for us to work out i even begged him to stay...be he didnt want to he made that clear so here i am no family down here i only know one person my bestfriend alicia who imstaying w/for now and im alone for the first time in my life im alone...he came over today to see our son i knew it was hard for him to leave scotty i could tell but when he left he went to a party and it made me feel like i wasnt important and that i was a bad person i mean i dont know what i did or didnt do i dont know why he left other than he was unhappy... last week he loved me and wanted to get married this week he hates me i mean we have a son together and it seems like he just walked out and now scotty has like i guess a broken home..i dont think it sunk in until brandon left and scotty cried for him...and i was like my god how could i have let this happen to my baby...im scared i hate being alone like this w/no one but one friend who has her own problems ...and im on this stupied sit just to go through it all again? put scotty through this again? im not looking for a father for him he has one..but what about me dont i deserve someone? if someone is reading this please dont think i want anyone to feel sorry for me thats not the case i just want to let it out i guess...after brandon left alicia said to go on this site one more time and i did ..i talked to someone and he made me feel soo good like w/out even knowing it its been so long since i have "talked" to someone and it felt good he got my mind off bills and brandon and all the problems i didnt want him to go...i felt like i really clicked w/him i mean i know he dont think that..but he made me feel noticed and worth something in a strange way i felt like i knew him forever...but hes in another state sadly he seems like a great guy we kinda got lot in common like we both want 3 kids my bday is 1-15 his is 1-17 he has a son i have a son and some other things i dont know anyways hopefully things will look up pretty soon i dont know how long i can do this for...what if i cant do it what if im not strong enough ?? what if i fail scotty as a mother ...there has to be something wrong with me or something cuz how could i run someone off like that??well i vented haha im going to bed...until my next part of my dramafied life....