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| A Traveler's Guide to These Here United States II
by eric1313 at 1/13/2008 10:22:06 AM
A continuation of my observations regarding the place we call home...
North and South Carolina
It is very important that we correctly distinguish the difference between North and South Carolina as we might stir the ire of rednecks on either side of the border. In North Carolina, the Hatfields only inbreed to the first cousin to keep the state's population of flipper-babies at an acceptable level. In South Carolina, the McCoys figure what the hell. Flipper babies happen!
The People's Democratic Republic of California
Have you ever noticed how the most repressive of Communist countries always include the phrase "People's Democratic Republic of?" It has nothing to do with the people nor the concept of a Republic. In Republics, people vote until someone like Julius Caesar comes along to f**k it all up.
California, like its brotherly states North Korea and Cuba, is home to all sorts of cradle-to-grave Big Brother protection laws. In the People's Democratic Republic of California it is against the law to smoke in bars. If one were to visit a club, one would immediately notice that all of the patrons are on the back patio while the one non-smoker at the club is inside enjoying the protection of Califonia law.
Smart people buy their cars outside of the People's Democratic Republic of California and have them shipped in. This is because the emissions laws are so stringent that only the most weenie of engines can pass. Perhaps that is why has-beens like Ed Bagely drive those clownish electric cars. All residents of the People's Democratic Republic of California live in constant fear of the dreaded "Tail-Pipe Gestapo" who live to fine wayward drivers. It makes me wonder how the hippies that inhabit San Fransico can drive their stupid '68 vintage Volkswagon Beatles without consequence.
New York
Originally, New York was settled by the Dutch and christened New Amsterdam to commerate a city invaded by drug addicts and criminals. Then the British took it and renamed in New York to commemerate the much-conquered city of York. In its heyday, York was overrun by Celts, Saxons, Romans, and Vikings. With the birth of the United States in 1781, we kept the name New York and now it is invaded with Puerto Ricans, Hatians, and East European thugs.
Alaska
Seward's Folly is a chunck of ice on top of a massive oil field. Yet, the Environmentalist hippies of the lunatic Left like paying $4 a gallon in gas as we are held hostage to camel jockey barbarians. They claim that drilling for oil in Alaska would hurt the rich eco-system of an inhospital chunk of ice where the temperatures might warm up to a cozy ten degrees. The only animal to have successfully managed to live in Alaska is that alien from John Carpenter's movie, "The Thing."
The tragedy of Alaska is akin to a dehydrated man in the desert and within reach of a pool of fresh water, only to have someone prohibit quenching his thirst. Remember the salad days of dollar a gallon gas? We could have that again! It is within our reach...under a massive chunk of ice we call Alaska. I suggest the next time Nancy Pelosi complains about a national energy plan based on recycling our sandals, someone should grab her by the throat and scream, "B*tch! Let us drill! I'm sick of deciding whether or not is too expensive to drive to the grocery store! F**k saving that alien from that John Carpenter movie, 'The Thing!' We need oil!"
Washington State
Washington State is where we find the music mecca of Seatle, home of the whiney grunge rock of the '90s. For those of you weened on the illiterate ramblings of thug-life hip hop, Grunge was a music explosion featuring every heroin junkie in the northwestern United States. Since Kurt Kubain developed a 12-gage head-ache, no one cares for Seatle anymore. In fact, all of the rest of Washington State is uninhabited save for BD Cooper who still lives as a fugitive from the law since he robbed that airplane and parachuted somewhere into the wilds. Way to go, DB! Stick it to the Man!
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