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| my thoughts and fears!
by charming_peach at 1/24/2008 10:17:48 AM
i am soon to be a 50 year old widow and my fear is being alone for the rest of my life..i never dreamed i would be alone and at this age with no job and basically having no life..my husband and i were married for 31 years and when he died suddenly 2 years ago,my life crumbled..i had it all,a wonderful man that loved me,adored me and did anything and everything to make sure i knew that, and now he's gone and i'm left to wonder whats next..i have 2 wonderful kids,a son 33 that has given me 3 beautiful Granddaughters and a daughter 30 with 1 beautiful daughter and another girl coming soon..they are my life and what i live for these days..they fill this void that sometimes leaves me feeling desperate and needy..the silence at night when their in bed,the lonely days when its just me here and the lonely bed i have to crawl in at night alone gets to me at times more than i care to admit..i have friends that i can talk to and family too but sometimes thats just not enough..their wonderful and care but its not the same..i can and do hide my feelings well at times but sometimes they see through me..i feel like i'm a burden,unworthy of love,useless unless they need a babysitter or someone to cook and clean..i have become a maid,cook,babysitter and never get paid for it,what a life huh?..i guess having a roof over my head and food on the table is pay enough in some eyes but its not when you feel your used and stepped on..its bad enough to have to be taken care of but to feel you owe them when you raised them and gave up things for them,its just not right..
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