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| Every day is sunny in southern California!
by irishm at 3/23/2008 9:27:18 PM
Even though the drive was long and lonely, at least I didn't scream all the way as I did when I returned home Feb. of 2006. My heart is still heavy at times, but I am in a new location, a new job, a new chance to make a new life, and maybe a chance to make me into a person that can be happy with what is now, and not grieve for what was. Mostly I miss my farm, the animals, and the beauty and peace in the Ozark Mountains. I am surrounded by huge, towering mountains with snow on top and it is 78 degrees down here! But there is no soft new green grass or cardinals flying in and out of the flowering trees of redbuds and Dogwood. And I miss my house. It would be awesome if it were here and paid off. I have never had real money, don't get me wrong, i've made money, but there was always something to use it to buy for the farm, bills, feed. Now I am concerned about just surviving. I'm totally broke. I don't know when I get paid. I just hope I can make it to the first deposit and be in the clear. I don't want to jeapordize my credit. This job is a lot more technical than anything I've ever done before. I'm slower and more cautious than when I was younger. My grasp on learning the IT part of the job takes a lot more concentration and patience than it used to. I just want to do my job and leave here much more grounded in the technicalities of my work. I've lost a lot of self-esteem in the past year, along with everything else. I need to re-learn how to be alone, take care of myself and live in my skin.
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