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| Hate Crime Jesus
by foos at 3/27/2008 4:34:24 PM
What was up with Mel Gibson, first he goes crazy, and then he goes to making the passion movie, which to me was like" Why bother?". Why bother making another Jesus Movie after "the last Temptation of Christ". Cause to me, the Last Temptation of Christ was the be all, end all Jesus movie. It took Jesus and made him more interesting then he had ever been in the bible. Cause in the bible, it was all beatitudes and miracles and shit. And he dies for us, and he always has something nice to say, or the right thing to say at the right time. But the the Last Temptation of Christ made him total Pimp. Cause he was Like "I don't know if I want to be God". And then he goes out to the desert, and he comes back saying" I use to believe in love, and now I believe in this". And he has a f**king Ax. And your Like...
GET HIM JESUS!!!!!!
CUT THEM DOWN!!!!!
BREAK THE CHAIN OF EVIL!
AW JESUS IS HERE, SHITS ON!!!
But then the f**king "Passion" movie, they took the man's balls away. And then to take it one step further , they decided to go "Lets beat the F**k out of Jesus". It was like total Hate Crime Jesus. Beating him up cause he was a man of peace. And people Went to droves, they paid to go see it. I remember the day it came out, a local church paid to rent out our movie theater to show nothing but that movie in all 24 screens. Bus loads of Jesus loving Christens, with kids. All Going to see Jesus have his ass kicked. I was taught to love Jesus, not beat him up. SO I was just not down with that movie. Plus, it didn't deviate from the script. So I was lick, 'F**k it, I read the book', I know whats going to happen. It's like going to see "Titanic". The whole time I was like, "The boat f**king Sinks". Like we know this, there is no way the boat won't sink. And the Jesus movie, Like Titanic, you know how it will end. No two ways about it, any Jesus movie will end like this
http://www.lionlambmedia.com/Silhouette_of_Jesus_on_Cross.jpg
So I was like 'F**k it, i don't want to go'. You want to show me a movie about Jesus, show me a movie about his life. If it was me, I would have deviated from the text a little, do things a little differently. Set the movie up differently. I say f**k it, have him die at the top. Have him being nailed up with everyone shouting "AHHH Die king of the Jews" SO the whole time people in the Audience are thinking "well maybe he'll tell it in flashback form" But no, we don't do that. Because just as he is about to die and pass in to the heavenly kingdom and the glory of god, Two Ninjas Swing in.
Two Ninjas carrying Uzis. Spraying Centurions. So people are going "Ninjas with Uzis, this is the most anachronistic movie ever made". One Ninja scurries up the Cross, Pulls out the Nails, and put Jesus on his back, Jesus says" I'm suppose to die" and the Ninja goes "not on my Watch". Then You got interesting places to go with that Movie. You can go anywhere with that movie. If I'm sitting there, I'd be like "I am f**king In" But then the Ninjas get his to a safe distance, and Jesus goes "who are you". The ninja;'s remove their masks........
Jay and Silent Bob! And all they have is a Cameo. Silent Bob says something From Star Wars, and they pimp away. And Jesus is Lead to live a normal Life. Jesus Goes "well I think I will become a Accountant, I like numbers, multiplication is my bag" And then he goes "F**k christianity, I'm a Satanist now". And he holds Black masses when he is not working with numbers and shit. You would F**k with a billion Christens Heads. They would be like, "Is this in the book? Religion just came to life" A lot more kids would start getting into it. "Jesus is into Satan? I am Down with the G O D"
But it don't f**kin happen like that
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