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| Regrets
by obeydisorder at 5/12/2008 5:56:28 PM
Do you have any regrets? I couldn't help but notice people seem to feel that having regrets are a bad thing, or that people only regret the things and events that were explicitly negative. For example, a person might regret hooking up with someone who was a jerk to them the next day, regret going to see a movie that turned out badly, or regret blowing someone off who they found out later was a really cool person. But, it's only because the results of what they chose were less than desirable. Going back in time to the point of the decision, the person was sure and content with the decision hence, the decision was made. Those type of regrets are all perfectly fine, but how often do people really regret the act and not just the result? It's these kind of regrets that are the ones worth having.
People seem to hold the belief that having regrets are bad because the actions/events they went through in life made them the person they are today. And since the healthy thing to do is love yourself for who you really are, people then conclude that they must be happy with all events that they went through and regret nothing or very little. However, I offer an opposing point of view.
As the cliché' goes, no one is perfect. That's why everyone will make mistakes and hopefully learn and grow from them. Part of that growth is realizing some actions/events are worth regretting and not just for the negative results, but the actions themselves. If a person hooks up with someone who turned out to be a jerk or cheats on their bf/gf, they might argue they should not and do not regret it because the experience, while tragic and unfortunate, helped make them who they are today. And then, of course, they love who they are today. Hopefully they think they've learned from the bad experience, but if they've really grown from it they will, too, regret it.
This is not to say they should dwell on it, because everyone must be able to face their past and accept it. But, the act of regretting is merely acknowledging, they and the others involved would have been better served if the act was never committed. Because if they were to go back in time and relive the situation, they would be a better person today had they not committed whatever mistake or atrocity. The notion that they should not regret it because it's what made them who they are today implies that they could not have learned whatever lesson they gathered from the experience had they not gone through with it and experienced it. This thinking is quite flawed.
A person is not limited to learning through trial and error. A good man will make a mistake, learn from it and not make the same mistake again. But a great man will observe his neighbor's mistake, learn from it and never commit the mistake to begin with. Thus, if a person has grown and matured spiritually and intellectually, they will regret every poor course of action they previously chose because in a perfect life they would have been able to learn the right course of action by observing their surroundings and subsequently never made a mistake. That is to say, the person who may have cheated on their bf/gf, lied about something or another, physically or verbally attacked someone unjustifiably, or did not put as much effort into something/someone as they should have would have been better served to have observed others around them and never committed such acts than they would be to have had to learn from committing the faults themselves.
Furthermore, the entire argument that one shouldn't regret things because it made them who they are today ignores a huge part of the equation - how it affected others involved. Maybe cheating on someone, lying to somebody, slacking off on something/someone, or attacking someone made you a better person because you were able to learn from the particular act. However, it may have had a very adverse affect on someone else.
Part of growing into a mature and sensible person, is not only being self-aware but being aware of others and how you affect others. Therefore, the act of regretting is a sign of maturity and growth because it also acknowledges that you understand the negative affects you imposed on others and have grown to realize and recognize they didn't deserve them and would have been better served not having gone through them. And so I conclude, yes it is impossible for someone to never make a mistake. So if they are bound to make them, why should they regret them? Because although we'll never reach perfection, we should always persist to try. So, I offer a challenge, do not fear to regret. Instead, beckon for the courage to do so. It's a sign of maturity.
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