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| The Quality Of My Thoughts.
by blackvomulence at 5/17/2008 9:50:39 AM
I did a lot of soul searching. I started to think about my "friends"... ones that have been there all along. Ones that I thought I'd never lose abandoned me, but then I realized that maybe I just need to let it happen. See what comes my way and make new, better, stronger friends. True friends will only stay with you as time goes by.
Or maybe saying the term "friends" is just stretching it. They're just people in general. How they come and go out of your life. You never know how they'll appear, what they'll do while they're around or how they'll leave you. It's all about how you look at it I guess. You have to realize that you have zero control over it. There's no escaping it.
I see those "friends" around me... and I use the term loosely, trying so hard to be something that they're obviously not. Or rather, something that I don't think they are, but then again... I've been a poor judge at that before so maybe there is no justification to me even making the assumption.
Anyway..........
You, the one reading this. Are you happy with who you are? The "who" or "I" that you've become. Rather... what you've become? You have to live with the choices that you've made... it may affect those around you, but they'll move on because, in reality, they have their own lives that they need to focus on. So why waste time on pointlessness? There comes a time when you just have to sit back and realize that things happen for a reason. For example: You are reading this. Are you learning or feeling anything from it?
It's not what you say... but how you say it. You don't know what kind of day they've had. You don't know how they'll react to what you've got to say. So calm down. Take a step back... and realize that this is me talking to you now, telling you clearly. Not everyone can be your friend. People will love or hate you. It's in their nature to love and hate. I want to love, but the longer I'm on this Earth, people are finding new ways to test my ability to overcome the obsticles that they lay before me. At work, while driving, talking, etc. You have to stay focused. Period.
Stop trying to be overpowering and all-knowing, because you're not. Really, you're not. Please just get off the high horse. I've seen enough of you out there who think you're above everything. We're all put here for a reason and after 32 years of fighting, I've come to realize that you're no better than me. Many of us are getting to the age or have already reached the age when we realize what our faults and limitations are. I want to be the best, but not at the cost of hurting others.
I've been let down. And I am okay with saying that it's my fault because I had a bad habit of putting too much faith in people in general. It won't happen again. Not anymore. I'll take you for face value. Enjoy your company. Laugh at your jokes. I will never be used again. There comes a time in ones life when they have to recognize their own strength. And I know how fragile love can be. Do you?
Look around you. People get hurt everyday. By what? By whom? Learn from them; from their mistakes. Make the same ones if you will. Take something away from it. Life is just too short. Hold your head up. I know you're stronger than you think. Look at what you've been through, what you've seen. Take one look back and never turn around again. I know I won't.
What was scripted to work, what was meant to happen, everything you think you know... at some point....... didn't work, shouldn't have happened, was simply wrong. It's really nice when things do work out and go according to plan though, don't they? You have to have enough play room to be or stay flexible. So I'm asking you to work with me.
Try taking a giant step out of the box you've been living in? There really is a whole new world out there and until you open your eyes and stop being so selfish, you'll never grow. Those around you will lose faith and eventually give up. Is that what you want? Talk to them, let people know what's troubling you. When you cap things up or keep them bottled inside you... let's face it, you know good and well that situations have the tendency to explode at the most inopportuned times.
That's when you lose the ones around you. It happens to the best of us. Sadly, people just don't fight for anything anymore. They don't fight for you, they give up. What are you gonna do? Fight? Run away? Neither? Will you consider which will be most beneficial to you first? This is what defines the type of person that you are. How am I doing? How are you?
Try standing up for yourself. If you belive in something, don't take "no" for an answer. If you look like a fool, embrace it. At least you're being true to yourself. You can only be you and no one else. Laugh when you feel like laughing. Shout when you feel like shouting. Realize that there might be consequences. Learn to accept them. Continue living. Life goes on. It'll try to keep you weak, keep you in line.
Stand up with me.
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