| 6/9/2008 12:03:08 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
scorpion1975
Leitchfield, KY
age: 32
| I had met someone, not on here, and we were talking and things were going well. We had not committed to anything at all yet so we were both still looking and talking to others. She was in the middle of a divorce so we really couldn't get too involved, her husband comes crawling back to her begging for a second chance. They have been married for 17 years and she still loves him so I, being me, told her to look into her heart and mind and make the decision that would be best for her. She chose him, which I knew she would, but says it broke her heart to do so because she was really starting to fall for me too. I did what I thought was the right thing to do and that was help her through some choices and ask the questions that herself and nobody else would ask her. She came to the conclusion that she was willing to give him a second chance because she had promised in front of God for better or worse. I know if a marriage is salvagable that it is the right thing to do by saving it, but why does it hurt me so much? Especially since we were/are only friends.
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| 6/9/2008 12:10:27 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
dark341
Salt Lake City, UT
age: 34
| Whew. There are a lot of things happening there. 17 years of marriage is nothing that is tossed aside easily even in the very best of circumstances, or worst. Not knowing any other background or the people, it must be considered that there was/is a marriage that lasted 17 years. But I am not sure that attempting to understand those circumstances are going to make it any less painful.
Here's where I think too many of us, myself definitely included as a worst offender, we forget sometimes things are just a certain way. Things, especially in the realm of dating and relationships, never seem to make ANY sense at all.
So I don't have an answer, not even a bad answer. Not that you were asking me what I thought, my ego isn't that big. *insert stale drunk laugh here*
As for the right thing, it is easy when it is easy. Character is revealed, good or bad, when doing the right thing is hard and requires true sacrifice on the persons part. That is when you find out for yourself if you can live with yourself or not.
[Edited 6/9/2008 12:10:40 AM]
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| 6/9/2008 12:36:24 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
ladyvirtue52
Redding, CA
age: 52
| Sounds like you had hope..Hope that the relationship would grow..That was all shattered when she chose to patch things up with her husband..I was married over 23 yrs, we divorced because he cheated on me but now he wants to come back..Our divorce is final now. I dont have trust for him any longer so I cant bring myself to take him back, even though I still have feelings for him..
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| 6/9/2008 12:53:51 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
westcoast_sam
Delta, BC
age: 39
| Time is a great eraser of pain...not too mention the unbelievable amount of karma, and grace and selflessness...WOW you will meet a wonderful woman with not only a free open heart, but because eventhough you wanted this woman, you were a man about it, and my friend...thats HUGE, I'm proud of ya!!
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| 6/9/2008 2:04:40 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
808_sm
Honolulu, HI
age: 40
| You did the right thing. Plain and simple. She respects you a lot more and if the fact that 17 years couldn't hold them together the first time chances are she'll be free again. Don't think this story has an end yet.
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| 6/9/2008 2:54:59 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
film381
Tarpon Springs, FL
age: 64
| It hurts because you have invested quality time! You dignity and integrity should be lauded because you are in the minority when you think of others. Part of being such a high quality person is giving and you gave the gift of freedom... freedom to hope. Hopefully some day you will not look at it as hurt but that is was a quality gesture on your part. A side effect though is you really let yourself down easy compared to if you would have continued investing and she eventually did leave you for another try. I respect your integrity and good sense.
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| 6/9/2008 2:56:52 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
roggor
Merlin, OR
age: 80
| You became emotionally invested in an outcome.
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| 6/9/2008 3:31:16 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
irparis39
New York, NY
age: 49
| Even as friends we hope for something deeper, especially when as a friend you felt an extrodinary connection. You let go of that connection and that hope, and that can hurt. But your selflessness is of the quality kind that says so much about you. 17 years is not a drop in the bucket, its not something that can be given up on, I'm sure you would not want your spouse to give up on you over an err in judgement. You gave her hope, and understanding and the ability to look at her marriage through different eyes and make a more informed decision.
Doing the right thing for the right reasons is something you should be proud of. You obviously are a man of principle and you recognize that this woman although maybe upset with her husband, she was not prepare to move on and give of herself to anyone else fully. Whether is works our for her or not, who knows, but if she does come back, she'll come back knowing that you gave her the skills to find quality in her life.
Kudos to you.
Paris
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| 6/9/2008 3:40:35 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
lillibet
New South Wales
Australia
age: 51
| Whats not to hurt??? you were emotionally invested in this women and i think you are very brave giving her the advice you gave..It was a very unselfish act on your part thats a truly loving gesture. I hope you find someone to love you and time will ease the hurt you are feeling right now...Be kind to yourself .. best of luck.
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| 6/9/2008 6:16:59 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
scorpion1975
Leitchfield, KY
age: 32
| thank you to all of you that have responded to date. I just felt in my heart of hearts that she wasn't ready to proceed with her divorce and even though he made a mistake he begged, pleaded, and asked for a second chance to make it right. She told me he was crying on more than one occassion when he asked for his chance and that he was constantly calling and wanting her to talk with him. I told her that she should give him a second chance but to keep him on "a short leash" so to speak.
that hurt me more than most people may ever understand. some of y'all may understand some of what that means. I just have to stay strong and know that I did the right thing here, plus I told her that I am always around as a friend (and I mean it, as long as she wants to stay in contact I will talk to her).
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| 6/9/2008 6:25:48 AM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
rosebelieves
Phenix City, AL
age: 47
| I am proud of you for doing the right thing. We were just discussing these type of issues in another thread the other day. Tough place to be, I'm sure. Thanks for sharing. I think that is the first step to healing. Best wishes to you!
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| 6/9/2008 12:06:34 PM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
susansheart839
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 60
| I have the utmost respect for what you did. Even though you were emotionally invested, you let her go back to repair her marriage. In fact, you helped her in a big decision. That she decided to opt for giving her husband a second chance should not reflect poorly on you. Who knows? She may opt out of the marriage and ask you back into her life. At that point, however, I would make it clear to her that you will only come back if she is, indeed, through with her marriage.
Good luck to you, one of the good guys 
Susan
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| 6/9/2008 12:27:45 PM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
gr8stwoman
Dingla
Nepal
age: 89
| You obviously developed strong feelings for her even though you were "just friends." Anytime you get close to someone who is still married, you are taking a huge, emotional risk. I'm sorry it worked out that way, but, unfortunately when someone is still married, it often does. In the future, do yourself a favor and don't become close to or get involved with anyone unless they are truly available. JMO Best wishes!!!
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| 6/9/2008 12:30:57 PM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
lobo_corazon
Kingston, ON
age: 39
| Look at what you have "lost"... A woman who is still in love with another man.
While I know it hurts - Good riddance, imo. You are better off moving on asap and looking for someone who can be there for you whole-heartedly.
Good luck finding her! 
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| 6/9/2008 12:42:28 PM | Why does doing the right thing hurt so badly? | |
christi8680
Ithaca, NY
age: 40
| Scorpion~ While I agree and applaud you for being such a good person with great morals and integrity....What are you doing for yourself? How are you dealing with doing the right thing?
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