| 7/5/2008 6:22:30 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 50
| My daughters wedding is soon to be here..The 26th of this month.
Do Brides get very VERY bossy and controlling with all this planning etc...
along with demanding it has to be her way to the exact detail?
I've no clue if this is normal or not...
more questions as well as we go along
[Edited 7/5/2008 6:23:51 PM]
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| 7/5/2008 6:44:38 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
ncsarah
Trinity, NC
age: 45
| Hi Foxy,
Wish I could help ya but I haven't a clue! Could it be nerves maybe??
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| 7/5/2008 6:54:28 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
muldoon1959
Vallejo, CA
age: 49
| I'm guessing this is normal.
I remember when my brother was gettng married,
his bride to be was complaining about her mother
trying to take over "her" wedding plans.
Fast forward 25 or so years, when her daughter got married (my niece),
and low and behold.........same complaint over heard from my neice
about my sister in law!
I guess some things never change 
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| 7/5/2008 7:06:15 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 50
| Its not me trying to take over anything.
I gave advise at the beginning and it wasnt taken or understood as to the why's
so now I just get told what I am to do like it or not. I dont think as a mother I should be told everything I need to do.
Another wards keep your mouth shut and do as I say
Its not right
There is just so much happening here and I've no one to talk this over with to get help w/this.
I've tried to talk w/her but there is just no reasoning..Its like her way or the highway.
I have been deeply hurt by her and I am trying t not let it bother me ..Yet this one thing I AM taking the STAND on. For I am so tried of being told about everything what I need to do and how I need to do it.( in every aspect of my life not just this)
Shes getting married OUTSIDE in July..In Nebraska that means VERY Hot and Very Humid.
I tried to explain how this is not a good idea and she should be considerate of her guest.
This doesnt seem to matter to her not one bit. Now comes the part that I also forwarned about..High humidity means her bridesmaids and I her maid of honor will have problems with our hair staying curled and our hair looking nice for the wedding and the pictures after the wedding..Why not pictures before if she is suddenly so concerned..Didnt matter when I spoke up that its not such a good idea..and now she is telling ME I have to wear my hair up.
Well I dont want to. I want it down with curls etc I am the only one with long hair and btw she hates my hair this long...and she tells me I have to obey her and do this!
With her saying............Its My wedding so you have to do as I say.
I say I am Mom do I even count?
also not to mention what it may do to ppl with all that heat..I guess I am always looking out for everyone
.........there is more........
this is beyond nerves ..this to me is controlling
yep I do believe she has controlling issue's
[Edited 7/5/2008 7:17:30 PM]
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| 7/5/2008 7:23:41 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
muldoon1959
Vallejo, CA
age: 49
| I certainly didn't mean to imply anything Foxy,
and I'm really sorry if that's how you took it.
[Edited 7/5/2008 7:25:20 PM]
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| 7/5/2008 7:35:46 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
here4now08
Jacksonville, FL
age: 51
| wish i had advice for you too. i'm sure she's nervy. i loved our wedding, in the backyard, easy going, in jeans. everyone brought food. we got the kegs.
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| 7/5/2008 8:12:19 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
deannalynnr
Sparrows Point, MD
age: 44
| No she shouldn't tell you how to wear your hair I agree with that but since its going to be so hot out maybe its not such a bad idea afterall...it will be somewhat cooler on you and maybe kept presentable for pics afterwards but with her wanting an outside wedding....it is HER day and she has the right to want an outside wedding if thats what she wants and anything else she thinks that will make it perfect. Hopefully this is going to be the once in a lifetime day for her so I would just bite my tongue and go along with her wishes and make the best of it so she will have that perfect wedding all girls dream of.
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| 7/5/2008 8:19:51 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
naturallysweet
Blue Hill, NE
age: 44
| No she shouldn't tell you how to wear your hair I agree with that but since its going to be so hot out maybe its not such a bad idea afterall...it will be somewhat cooler on you and maybe kept presentable for pics afterwards but with her wanting an outside wedding....it is HER day and she has the right to want an outside wedding if thats what she wants and anything else she thinks that will make it perfect. Hopefully this is going to be the once in a lifetime day for her so I would just bite my tongue and go along with her wishes and make the best of it so she will have that perfect wedding all girls dream of.
I have to agree, grin and bear it for now, of course it is her special day and she wants it to be a "perfect day" hopefully it will be for her, and I have a feeling that once it is all over the nerves will settle down and you'll get to enjoy the day. Hang in there!
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| 7/5/2008 8:33:00 PM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
mmhgirl
Creswell, OR
age: 38
| This is what I would do, as I've seen and been in many weddings so far in life... I would try to take her away to a lunch (or whatever works for you) and sit her down and tell her, nicely, that how she is treating you is hurting your feelings and that you would love to help her with her wedding and be a part of her day. But that as her mother, you don't need to be "told" what to dow and how to do it. Politely make other suggestions and hope for the best. Good luck and I hope that it all turns out great!
M
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| 7/6/2008 7:16:11 AM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 50
| Thanks Everyone..
I know its her day etc... I wouldnt take that away from her at all.
I guess I am one that would be concerned for everyone not just me myself and I
This isnt about nerves...sighs ..I wish it was just that
I've tried talking to her a few times for a year now before she became engaged..
I bite my tongue alot with her and let her have her life as she wants it.
When I bite my tongue about how she has treated me her mom..as a mom I let it slide..however trust me letting it slide only makes it worse when its your child.
It doesnt stop it continues
This wedding though has shown even to her bother how much of a controlling person(due to insecurities maybe) she is..and most of us know what that means.
Thats the problem and its heart breaking to see this as a Mom
I will stand my ground as far as my hair goes
I mean come on..its even down to what kind of bra and panties.
I look at my daughter and think .....who are you? Her change happened at 18 and I wasn't around her after that for 3 yrs.(I was re-married and he got a job in another state)
When I became 18 I led my life as I wanted and I would never stop her from doing so.
It's a whole new world to me now with her. One that is so different than I taught her as she was growing up.(sighs)Sure she is spreading her wings and all I understand that.
It's how she treats ppl that bothers me.
When you see your child doing things or acting completely different and they live in that "Me" world..Its very difficult and you ask yourself how they hell did that happen?
there is more ..I shall remain quiet about the rest here on the forums its probably better that way
Calgon take me away
[Edited 7/6/2008 7:29:17 AM]
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| 7/6/2008 7:25:51 AM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
countryboy63
Mount Vernon, MO
age: 45
| You had me at bra and panties.
But really Foxxy, Stand your own ground on what you can control, the way you look ect. Sounds like she is dead set on making her own misstakes. Good luck to you.
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| 7/6/2008 7:33:28 AM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 50
| Yep thats part of it, maybe a lot of it..making her own mistakes
as a mom I have to sit back and let her just do that no matter how much it pains me.
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| 7/6/2008 7:40:48 AM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
sunfish66
Mooresville, NC
age: 42
| what about taking her for a spa day where you both get massages? Maybe it'll help her release some of this need to control and get a grip on how she's hurting those around her.
And if she won't go, please go yourself. If you've never had one, it's really a great way to let go of all this stress, and get grounded so you can find a way to enjoy the wedding without being dragged into her drama. It's HER DRAMA...nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally. From what you've told us she IS being unreasonable, but there's no reason you have to be dragged down by it. If you lived nearby I'd say come in to see me. Good Luck!
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| 7/6/2008 7:41:27 AM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
deannalynnr
Sparrows Point, MD
age: 44
| Yes I agree thats taking it way too far...hang in there girl and stand your ground especially when it comes to her showing you respect!!
When our children are small they step on our toes when they become adults they step on our hearts
[Edited 7/6/2008 7:43:13 AM]
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| 7/6/2008 7:49:51 AM | Wedding coming up..HELP | |
foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 50
| I've never had a spa day..she has though
As for myself I cant afford that..sounds wonderful though thx
I shall dream of this and release myself in that dream
lol I wish it was that easy
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