| 7/18/2008 12:46:05 AM | Cleaned out the emotional baggage then discovered FEAR! | | 
awakeing
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36
| Dating wasn't working for me so I took the last 5 months to be by myself.
I made sure I really dealt with myself so that I don't make the same mistakes and
took every effort I could to learn better communications skills and got my own head
and heart in order. I was feeling really happy and good this last month.
Then I accepted a lunch date 2 days ago.
24 hours later and I darn near had an anxiety attack! Once I accepted the date it
was like karma turned on my happy life.
I got 3 horrible emails here from men calling me all sorts of b*tch and stuck up
for not dating for awhile. I felt that just accepting that date called all kinds of
"drama" in my life. I felt such fear that I canceled my date.
This is a new experience for me. I've never really been "afraid" of men before.
It was like all of sudden every Bi polar man on this site decided to send me a
message at the same time. Freaked me out to say the least!
I am now right back to telling myself forget it! At the same time I want to come
out of my self imposed cocoon to share talks, laughter, smiles, and hugs.
I have the urge to really connect again but darn if this "fear" hasn't knocked the wind out of my sails.
Any tips for getting over this or should I just go back to quietly admiring men
as I watch them pass by?
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| 7/18/2008 8:33:16 AM | Cleaned out the emotional baggage then discovered FEAR! | |
sumbeach777
Red Springs, NC
age: 45
| This is what you do, do not take this site that damn serious, believe me. You are whats important, And thats all. We women spend so much time worry about what men think, it's madness.
We need to find who we are, and enjoying doing just that, most of the women I know let men control them. I being one of them , I think and wonder why, Maybe its because they came first, and we came from them, Not really sure. But you know something? Im me, and thats all that matters. Don't allow men to control us. I want a man to be my partner , friend.
Now that a real human being....good luck. and enjoy.......JMO.....Beach
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| 7/18/2008 3:25:33 PM | Cleaned out the emotional baggage then discovered FEAR! | |
flwrgrl123
Saginaw, MI
age: 49
| I agree we spend to much time worring about what men think, myself included. And yes don't take anything as gospel from here. It's wonderful you took the "me" time to clear out the baggage. Continue to do what is best for you and be patient. Have fun, go out with friends, date, enjoy life and don't let fear hold you back. Use your intuition when meeting men, our gut feelings are usually pretty accurate, we just choose to ignore them. I wish you well!!!!
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| 7/18/2008 3:59:44 PM | Cleaned out the emotional baggage then discovered FEAR! | |
skipjoe
Tulare, SD
age: 51
| WOW, you must have really been hurt to knowingly be that afraid of dating. You seem realistic enough to know there are creeps out there and just being on a dating site is putting you at greater risk to have them contact you. 
I admire people who do not allow others to call them names. I, on the other hand, used to think I "deserved" all the name-calling and poor treatment I received.  You have enough self-love that this type of treatment bothers you. That is actually a healthy sign.  However, to the point of addressing your fears. What helps me to address my fears is to think of what is the worst thing that can happen and can I deal with that. For example, I used to be afraid of the idea of riding a bucking bull because I do not like pain, but I wanted to try because I like the rush I get when I am close to powerful creatures and the rush I get thinking about doing something legal but dangerous.  I had to decide what the worst thing was that would happen if I tried. Perhaps you might not relate to this, but the worst thing I could think of was NOT getting hurt or even dying -- it was becoming unable to move from the neck down and surviving. I then thought about the things I could do with my mind even if I could not move and it was not so scary. I decided to go to the bull-riding practice that some friends of mine were having that day -- God stepped in and sent pouring rain. After I was over the fear, I was over the strong desire to do something that really would not go any good for me or the bull.
If you have already tried the traditional methods of addressing fear, perhaps you can let the person know you are afraid -- if he does not understand, why would you want to allow him to rob you of precious time or energy? Just block him. If you find someone you want to meet, perhaps you both could come up with a means to help lessen the challenge for you. Perhaps he will allow someone else you trust to "check him out" before you go out with him?
Regardless of what you decide, continue to know you do not deserve mistreatment from anyone. 
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| 7/21/2008 1:11:13 PM | Cleaned out the emotional baggage then discovered FEAR! | |
alicekathleen
Fresno, CA
age: 63
| I once heard a line " I do not owe an explanation to anyone" and I use it often. You have your personal inner life
to work on, as we all do. Unless you have asked for a comment, remember that line next time anyone
comments on your choices. Fear and love are the two strongest, maybe the only, emotions!
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| 7/21/2008 4:52:51 PM | Cleaned out the emotional baggage then discovered FEAR! | |
chinatown_girl
Oyster Bay, NY
age: 19
| whichever guys sent u that message were just resentful that u didnt date them. it seems to be a lot easier for people to be rude and snotty online; even though some are better than that in real life.
some of my friends here don't really mention a date publicly until afterwards so they don't jinx it.
its too bad that u canceled ur date because of those guys; u might have had a nice time and met someone nice. the other sad thing is now this guy will have the sad experience of being dropped from a date he was happily looking forward too. hope u are able to try again, when u feel safer. good luck!
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