| 9/14/2007 1:55:46 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
mettaman
Madras, OR
age: 58
| I sometimes struggle with the issue of contacting someone from outside the area in which I live, or within easy travel distance. I know the world is much smaller, what with autos and planes and such.
But what is your opinion about making contact with someone far away? I am not really into flirting with bunches of people (although I love to flirt). And I'm not into jumping into the sack with the first Jane that comes along. I prefer to invest time and energy to get to know someone. As a result, lots of emotional investment occurs. I sometimes think it's easier to make contact with someone relatively close, invest a little time to try to find out compatability and then make arrangements for a face to face just to make sure the connection is as strong in RL as it is in computerland. This is quite difficult when the person is quite a distance away.
But then when I actually do expand the computer search engine for those farther away, there are some people who appear to be just what I'm looking for. Do I make contact? Will I get rejected because of something in my profile, or more because of the distance?
So what's your take? Should we invest the emotional capital for someone far away?
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| 9/14/2007 2:02:33 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
jane_133
Frederick, MD
age: 48
| Tough question. What is the dating pool like in your area? Is there a lot of people who are reasonably close by and do you have an option or interest in them? If so, you might want to say 'long-distance friendships cool, romance cross the world maybe over time'. That only works tho if you don't mind having friends somewhere else and won't feel weird about it if you DO find someone nearer you like and are involved with.
Since you aren't a real young guy, picking up and moving or doing a lot of long-distance romancing and commuting has to be from a practical standpoint. Do you want to actually start the physical meeting and stuff before you really take some time and get to know a person better? That's expensive, but certainly up to you. I don't recommend trying to maintain long distance relationships. It's hard even if you are married!
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| 9/14/2007 2:04:16 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
thepkk
Everton, MO
age: 53
| If you are willing to travel I'd say go for it. Long distace takes effort on both parts with alot of communication. If you chat easy with each other and have alot in common you may need to broaden your search. Good luck
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| 9/14/2007 2:11:37 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
mettaman
Madras, OR
age: 58
| While my question was offered in a general vein, I don't mind responding to jane's lucid reply. I am fortunate enough to own my own home. But for me having a partner is equally important. I have a vocation that is needed and am decent at it, so I can actually move anywhere. And while I like my house, I'm not so attached to it that I couldn't sell it and get another one somewhere else. Sometimes there is something to be said about starting over in a new place.
On the other hand, perhaps that's how the potential partner feels, too, and they might decide to relocate to where I live.
I think that the relocation thing is significant, but in the long run the connection with the other is most important. Should it warrant the discussion about relocation, the two of them might know who is best suited to make the move.
But there is that whole first step thing needed with making a deep connection and so the question, does one look locally, statewide, regionally, nationally, internationally? Do we paint lines around our search or not?
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| 9/14/2007 2:14:50 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
peaches73036
El Reno, OK
age: 41
| I just said forget "looking" and decided to meet all kinds of ppl and make friends. if god wishes me a mate..he'll dump him in my lap! 
xoxoPeaches.
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| 9/14/2007 2:20:59 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
jane_133
Frederick, MD
age: 48
| okay money or moving aside, how long do you date and take to get to know a person to decide one or the other of you should be in the same area? If you haven't got a problem with doing that over time, or your version is 'I think I'd know and be willing to make a big change shortly' then, hey, don't exclude anyone in the USA or world if you like the idea of exotic or people from other cultures especially.
If you are really asking, can you meet, fall in love with, live with or marry someone from somewhere else, that you never would have expected to have met? Sure you can. The whole deal is about give and take and making relationships with people you share things in common with or enjoying and getting things in common with someone. If you are good at it, where they or you come from doesn't matter----just where you go!
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| 9/14/2007 2:26:07 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
happyrunnr1
Mechanicsburg, PA
age: 27
| Mett Im not sure how to answer your question Ive done both in an out of my state an niether of them worked. I think for you you have to decide do I want to meet someone in my state do I want to be that close to them or do I want them to be 1425mi. away you choose what suits you best for your lifestyle and your needs and wants b/c in the end your the one who has to face the choices you make.
be well
happy
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| 9/14/2007 2:27:15 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
mettaman
Madras, OR
age: 58
| So then the questions might morph into something more along the lines of:
If someone from farther away winked or contacted you here, would you ignore them, or in some way devalue their overture because of the distance?
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| 9/14/2007 2:30:15 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
happyrunnr1
Mechanicsburg, PA
age: 27
| I dont think i would devalue it I think if the other person and i have alot in common got along and could carry a convo i think i might venture out.
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| 9/14/2007 2:33:54 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
trublu5ft2
Columbia, TN
age: 51
| Most of us are willing to jump out of a perfectly good airplane but will not not risk a little time and money to see if that one who lives 2 states over or clear on the other coast is THE one. Two ships that pass in the night is not always just 2 ships passing in the night! I believe in fate. And if I feel like my future is on the ship in passing... I'm gonna jump overboard and swim to that ship to find out! JMO
What better tool than the net to meet someone whose paths might not ever cross otherwise?
[Edited 9/14/2007 2:35:31 PM]
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| 9/14/2007 2:34:36 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
cats43injax
Jacksonville, FL
age: 44
| Although getting to know someone that is in another state can be a challenge, I still think it's worth the time and effort. I don't limit myself to just what is in the local pool. That first meeting with someone can at least answer some of the questions you may have on attraction, chemistry, and the ability to get along with the person. Just speaking (or writing) to them on the net is not a good tool for measure. Many folks are totally different in person than when they are hidden behind the computer screen! Just like phone calls can also aid in your quest. Voices can add or totally dismiss attraction. Good luck in your search!
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| 9/14/2007 2:35:08 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
lawrence084
Honolulu, HI
age: 41
| My take is, you really should get out and about in your area. There are fund raisers, walking or jogging a certain scenic route daily, find a good book and hangout at the coffee shop or bookstore. There are a million ways to meet people in your area, and in my opinion it is a lot better than picking profiles from an online dating site.
So use the online dating to look outside you area, because there is 99% chance you would have never run into any other way.
Most of the people I chat with online are from another country.
Use the online stuff in your area, but don't make it you sole way of meeting people. And yeah, try to hookup with someone outside your area. Beleive it or not, I have had several women come out to meet me. But then I live in Hawaii, so it is a bit misleading. I am not too sure they would have come to see if me I lived in the midwest.
JMHO
[Edited 9/14/2007 2:37:20 PM]
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| 9/14/2007 2:49:20 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
mettaman
Madras, OR
age: 58
| Lawrence does make a good point about getting out and about in your local area, using the Net to just chat with people. This medium can so often lead to false impressions.
But for those in a very rural area, the pool of willing, available, compatible options can be severely limited.
What then?
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| 9/14/2007 2:52:48 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
trublu5ft2
Columbia, TN
age: 51
| I agree Metta... I live in a crime infested, bubba-filled town and all the surrounding towns are same way.. not much selection here unless I wanna enjoy a night with a bubba who thinks a 6 pack of brew ( 12 pack if he really likes ya) and a bug zapper makes for a fine date
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| 9/14/2007 2:57:20 PM | In another state: Is it worthwhile | |
hamandbeans
Reading, MI
age: 43
| i know how you feel. if I just looked around here there would be nothing but cows goats and hogs. and there not really my type.
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