| 11/20/2007 9:10:08 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
kazyka
Hudson, NH
age: 38
| How do you get back out on dates after being so hurt, and burnt. I was raped in the military 15 years ago. I healed from that by working at a rape crises center helping other survivors. Now, my ex leaves me after 12 years of marriage (we were high school friends). He just said he did not want to be married anymore. We divorced in June and he started bringing someone around our kids in August and now he is moving in with her and having her son go to our kids same school together. I know I don't have to date just because he is moved on. I just want to know HOW DO YOU MOVE ON?
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| 11/20/2007 9:16:01 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
wileyguy
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 37 online now!
| sorry to hear that.yes,it's tough no matter what.
if the rape crisis counseling helped then maybe doing something along the lines of dating coordinator might help.i know some of the bigger sites are always looking for people like that to coordinate spped dating events and/or singles events.you can also try writing.i've done some freelance work even though i can't write.that may help.
but get in here and chat,especially with the ladies.there's bound to be some in same boat or have been there.
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| 11/20/2007 9:19:48 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
kazyka
Hudson, NH
age: 38
| Thanks, just feel like I cry all the time, or sleep to block it out. Yet he just jump right in to another relationship because he couldn't stand on his own to feet. I think the holidays are making it hard too.
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| 11/20/2007 9:20:46 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
kjsabatovich
Alma, MI
age: 25
| sorry to hear all of your troubles...i have been shafted a lot in life, but think of it this way, you are a better person, you deserve love and happiness, and eventually you will fall into it. dont force it!
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| 11/20/2007 9:25:12 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
pwin_here_n_now
Annapolis, MD
age: 38
| Kaz: Well.... I can relate on all counts... and it is tough. But ABSOLUTELY Move on!
Accept that things will be the way they are going to be... With your child --- You will always be "mommy" no matter what (I could really bend your ear on that one....)!
Be there for your child as the rock you have always been- but take some time for you. I sought counseling through the YWCA... Best thing I ever did for me! The Pain???? No spell or quick fix. Just know that you need to bring together who you have been since you were innocent and young, who you grew into, who you became & who you want to be now and in the future. You must take some responsiblity in the failing of your marriage, but that doesn't mean you beat yourself up for it.... Just learn from it. And don't repeat it again...
Contact me any time you like... I've been through the counseling thing within two years....
P.Win
god speed lady!
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| 11/20/2007 9:30:47 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
classyguy333
West Fargo, ND
age: 57
| Just take your time. If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it. And no, I'm not a bible pounder. But, I've learned I haven't been given anything I can't work through. And I've had my share of adversities. Just play the cards you are dealt, and hold your head high.
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| 11/20/2007 9:42:46 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
kazyka
Hudson, NH
age: 38
| Thanks, I am trying therapy through the VA. It's free. Thats always a good thing. I feel better already just hearing from you guys. Thanks. I did like the idea about trying to organize single dances and stuff. Maybe I'll try that. And I too, thing God lets thinks happen to us for a reason. When my ex asked for the divorce, I was a mess, but it has been a blessing in disguise. My 3 children and I have been doing so much better and it shows on all of us. I do have to fake it till I make it (in front of them sometimes). Kazy
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| 11/20/2007 9:51:43 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
pwin_here_n_now
Annapolis, MD
age: 38
| Kaz: when I said be "the rock" it didn't mean fake it.... be real with them... they will learn from it. Being the rock is continuing to make sure that you are there for them emotionally, and also to pass on the wisdom you have gained. NO One can go through life not showing true emotion. and they best they can see is you being.
For them, continue to enforce the boundaries and teach them them the values. For you be "real." We are all vulnerable - and that is not something to be ashamed of. "it is what it is...."
P.Win
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| 11/20/2007 10:19:57 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
falcon77
Eugene, OR
age: 42
| Kaz,
I refer to this period as your threshing floor experience. In biblical times there was a place called the "threshing floor" where the good wheat was pulled from the chaff during harvest time. You are the good wheat and the chaff is everything unusable in your life that is to be burnt up. In modern day, this is exactly what happens in our lives, the chaff or bad works gets pulled apart and burned up. God is in essence pulling you spiritually from a situation where certain people in your life can go no further with you on your spiritual journey any longer. You are simply growing at a faster rate and heading in a direction that your ex is not? It's a good thing for you. Don't focus on him. God wants so much more for your life and is indeed going to give it to you, but he must take you out of a bad situation first so he can speak to you. The key is to focus on the pain and suffering at hand, understand it for exactly what it is (a growing tool in simply understanding fear in our lives),and then we learn how to walk through the middle of it using Christ's example. You are being molded into something incredibly beautiful here. Trust in that. You are being refined by the great refiner and it takes fire to strengthen you.
[Edited 11/21/2007 9:36:17 AM]
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| 11/20/2007 10:28:37 PM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
pwin_here_n_now
Annapolis, MD
age: 38
| Falcon: That was inspriring! Kudos!
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| 11/21/2007 1:28:42 AM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
ayeshah
Albuquerque, NM
age: 30
| WOW, I know how you must feel ,I was also with my ex for a long long time and he cheated its not the same but the pain is similar and I can relate cuz it seems like:why now and what could I have done right or changed to make him stay..,
Well honestly you couldn’t of done anything once some one makes up their minds thats it most times, As to how can you move on, I think you should work on yourself and get over him before starting to date again, but wait you never said your over him or not?, it doesn’t seem like it from what I read but if you are,
that's 1 part of the healing and YES it’s a healing process just like many thing it takes time recover from sometime like this, and there are some support groups for divorced ppl out there, and other things you can do,
I hope you find happiness with in your self and can move on, it’ll take some time and look I have something in common with you and if you’d like to talk just email me. I don’t talk about my past much well that part of it but if ever you need to talk I’m here well email me and I’ll email you back,
Also question were you and ya ex together when you got hurt(don’t like to even use the word ”R“) and do you think it also traumatized him? I don’t know his motives for leaving but maybe just maybe it’s taking its toil on him.
I apologize for you going through this but Hun your not alone!
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| 11/21/2007 4:26:32 AM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
kazyka
Hudson, NH
age: 38
| Falcon: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, I never looked at it that way. What you wrote really moved me! Kaz
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| 11/21/2007 6:11:15 AM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
kkjchl
Elizabethton, TN
age: 41
| By being on this site you are saying that u are ready to take a chance. I had to leave my husband of 10 years because he was addicted to meth. I put myself out there and met someone wonderful not on this site but on singalsnet be brave and bold!! Good Luck! Julia
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| 11/21/2007 6:27:22 AM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
nicksterdemus
Little Rock, AR
age: 50
| Just do it........knock the charcoal off n waltz back out. Might get burned again, nuttin' ventured....................
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| 11/21/2007 6:32:03 AM | How do you get back out there after being so burnt? | |
bamarose
Sterrett, AL
age: 39
| It takes a while. It took me MONTHS after breaking up with my fiance. I dated in the process, which was unfair to those men. I was not emotionally ready to date and should have let them know that up front. Take care of yourself, surround yourself with good friends and the day will come when you wake up and don't think about him.  
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