Girls who won't commit

6/28/2009 12:40:46 PM	Girls who won't commit
rig216 Red Deer, AB age: 47 online now!	I have a 25 years old daughter who won't commit, and she had numerous short term relationships. I've never seen her with a broken heart, but many young men she dated have cried on my shoulder. Sometimes I feel giving them a warning message, but I never did...in my mind, I just tell them "good luck". She won't date men who are financially stable, brought up in a good family. She rather date a disposable loser. She is extremely beautiful, a talentual signer/guitar player, and financially far ahead for her age. Your thoughts....
6/28/2009 12:50:07 PM	Girls who won't commit
bbw47reader Frederick, MD age: 47 online now!	Hinky post.
6/28/2009 1:04:14 PM	Girls who won't commit
ladybugbp Pittsburgh, PA age: 51	Dad, probably should worry about his dating life and let his daughter worry about hers. You have raised her. She is on her own with what you instilled in her the first 18 years of her life. Good or bad.
6/28/2009 1:04:31 PM	Girls who won't commit
stl1 Saint Louis, MO age: 55	Hell, shouldn't most of them be committed? Oh, Im gonna pay for this.
6/28/2009 2:38:10 PM	Girls who won't commit
spider77 Adamsville, AL age: 58	Commitment is likened to having to be responsible. Know anybody looking for responsibility or accountability? Today its party hardy, 24/7.
6/28/2009 3:37:50 PM	Girls who won't commit
flowerpower2 Cascapedia-Saint-Jules, QC age: 40	I actually was the girl who could not commit, dated the guys that treated me bad that way if they left me it wouldn't hurt. took me till I was twenty five to see the pattern. She will see it in her own time hopefully. good luck
6/28/2009 3:39:24 PM	Girls who won't commit
rodneyg668 Seattle, WA age: 36	Give her a few years to allow her priorities to change, she she realizes that she won't find what she is looking for with the disposable dates she'll start looking at what else is available out there.
6/28/2009 3:45:55 PM	Girls who won't commit
john346 Riverdale, GA age: 37	Quote from rig216: I have a 25 years old daughter who won't commit, and she had numerous short term relationships. I've never seen her with a broken heart, but many young men she dated have cried on my shoulder. Sometimes I feel giving them a warning message, but I never did...in my mind, I just tell them "good luck". She won't date men who are financially stable, brought up in a good family. She rather date a disposable loser. She is extremely beautiful, a talentual signer/guitar player, and financially far ahead for her age. Your thoughts.... My man: You need to sit back and watch as your daughter is about to hit rock bottom. she is gonna learn a lesson of a life time with great pain. Pain will wake her up from her ugly way of life. In addition, you seem to be enabling your daughter in this pattern of life. You need to confront her about it, if you truly love your daughter.
6/28/2009 3:55:31 PM	Girls who won't commit
rocket000 Murrayville, GA age: 51	If you label the men she picks as "losers" WHY would you want her to commit? She is only 25 and doesn't need to commit to a man at this time. If she has a pattern of picking losers there is a good chance she watched this at home. Of course no family "thinks" they're dysfunctional. Are you or her mother alcoholic, passive aggressive, able to resolve conflict in an adult manner, loving, communicative? Did you provide ample praise for her when she was growing up? YOU may both want to get some counseling to understand your patterns and behaviors and how to make appropriate choices.
6/28/2009 4:47:13 PM	Girls who won't commit
rig216 Red Deer, AB age: 47 online now!	Quote from rocket000: If you label the men she picks as "losers" WHY would you want her to commit? She is only 25 and doesn't need to commit to a man at this time. If she has a pattern of picking losers there is a good chance she watched this at home. Of course no family "thinks" they're dysfunctional. Are you or her mother alcoholic, passive aggressive, able to resolve conflict in an adult manner, loving, communicative? Did you provide ample praise for her when she was growing up? YOU may both want to get some counseling to understand your patterns and behaviors and how to make appropriate choices. Thanks for responding. She purposely choose losers...she already knows from the beginning that it will be a short term relationship. She feels comfortable if her boyfriend has less money, less assets, and no vehicle, and she insist on paying for night outs. Looks like she wants to be in control, and not be in a owing situation. She owns her house, and she is renting the downstairs. She owns her business, and been working since she was 14. Graduated highschool with honors, and broke school marks records dated back to 1974. At 10 years old, she wouldn't play scrabble with kids of her age "no challenge", she always wanted to play with the the adults, and outsmart them. [Edited 6/28/2009 5:15:08 PM PST]
6/28/2009 5:22:06 PM	Girls who won't commit
wileyguy Wilkes Barre, PA age: 38	Quote from rig216: Thanks for responding. She purposely choose losers...she already knows from the beginning that it will be a short term relationship. She feels comfortable if her boyfriend has less money, less assets, and no vehicle, and she insist on paying for night outs. Looks like she wants to be in control, and not be in a owing situation. She owns her house, and she is renting the downstairs. She owns her business, and been working since she was 14. Graduated highschool with honors, and broke school marks records dated back to 1974. At 10 years old, she wouldn't play scrabble with kids of her age "no challenge", she always wanted to play with the the adults, and outsmart them. sounds to me like she's afraid to meet her match
6/28/2009 5:27:47 PM	Girls who won't commit
rig216 Red Deer, AB age: 47 online now!	Quote from wileyguy: sounds to me like she's afraid to meet her match Wiley, I think so too, or she is not ready to meet her match. She always have other priorities....4 months ago, she never played the guitar in her life, now every wednesday night, she plays guitar, and sign at a bar, and the crowd are coming back to see her.
6/28/2009 5:29:23 PM	Girls who won't commit
zipperlynn Porterville, CA age: 39 online now!	To Let Go Takes Love -To let go is not to cut yourself off, it is the realization that you cannot control another. -To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. -To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in your hands. -To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. -To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. -To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own future. -To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality. -To let go is not to criticize and regulate others, but strive to become what I dream I can be.
6/28/2009 5:33:26 PM	Girls who won't commit
i_am_bill Astatula, FL age: 50 online now!	Quote from rig216: I have a 25 years old daughter who won't commit, and she had numerous short term relationships. I've never seen her with a broken heart, but many young men she dated have cried on my shoulder. Sometimes I feel giving them a warning message, but I never did...in my mind, I just tell them "good luck". She won't date men who are financially stable, brought up in a good family. She rather date a disposable loser. She is extremely beautiful, a talentual signer/guitar player, and financially far ahead for her age. Your thoughts.... Are you and her mother divorced? If so was the divorce at an early age? Or are there other circumstance where you or her mother were not together? Bill
6/28/2009 5:42:50 PM	Girls who won't commit
rocket000 Murrayville, GA age: 51	You mentioned that you think she likes to be "in control". Who was the more dominant parent(or stepparent) in the household when she was growing up? Where is she meeting these men? I still think counseling might be in order to uncover "why" she keeps picking men that are not on her level. Perhaps she could become involved in a chess club, mensa, political campaign, take a high level course at a university. If she were in an environment where there was a higher caliber of person it might help. Of course if her purposeful choice are loser she will need professional help to learn "why" and how to make appropriate choices.
6/28/2009 5:48:50 PM	Girls who won't commit
rig216 Red Deer, AB age: 47 online now!	Quote from i_am_bill: Are you and her mother divorced? If so was the divorce at an early age? Or are there other circumstance where you or her mother were not together? Bill Thanks bill, there is one thing that troubled her a lot when she was eight years old, and she hated her mother for many years. I came home late one night, and she was in tears, and she kept saying that I was her daddy...She caught her mom and her boy friend in action. Do you think this unfortunate incident has anything to do in her present behavior? Sometimes I wonder. Ex and I seperated in 1992, and divorce 1998. I had custody of her until she moved out of town to work. [Edited 6/28/2009 6:00:13 PM PST]
6/28/2009 5:57:38 PM	Girls who won't commit
i_am_bill Astatula, FL age: 50 online now!	Quote from rig216: Thanks bill, there is one thing that troubled her a lot when she was eight years old, and she hated her mother for many years. I came home late one night, and she was in tears, and she kept saying that I was her daddy...She caught her mom and her boy friend in action. Do you think this unfortunate incident has anything to do in her present behavior? Sometimes I wonder. Children that come from chaotic divorces and have traumatic abandonment issues often seek chaotic relationships. They choose partners that they can never be close to, often they spiral into self destructive behavior. She will not break this cycle without help and unfortunately you can recommend this to her until you are blue in the face but until she decides it then life will continue as is. You should seriously seek out a professional and find out why you are so involved in her life. It no doubt stems as well from guilt that you failed her, but I don't know anything about your life, just from what you are saying. Suffice it to say, that it is unusual for a father to come into a dating forum and ask how to fix his 20 something daughter. So there is reason to suspect alot of chaos in your family and as you pointed out my hunch was right. Don't try to "fix" her,,you cannot undo what has been done, it is up to her. But you can "undo" what issues you have, seek help, and then you can be the best dad for your daughter when she needs you rather than a contributing factor to her issues. Best wishes, Bill.
6/28/2009 6:11:27 PM	Girls who won't commit
rig216 Red Deer, AB age: 47 online now!	Quote from i_am_bill: Children that come from chaotic divorces and have traumatic abandonment issues often seek chaotic relationships. They choose partners that they can never be close to, often they spiral into self destructive behavior. She will not break this cycle without help and unfortunately you can recommend this to her until you are blue in the face but until she decides it then life will continue as is. You should seriously seek out a professional and find out why you are so involved in her life. It no doubt stems as well from guilt that you failed her, but I don't know anything about your life, just from what you are saying. Suffice it to say, that it is unusual for a father to come into a dating forum and ask how to fix his 20 something daughter. So there is reason to suspect alot of chaos in your family and as you pointed out my hunch was right. Don't try to "fix" her,,you cannot undo what has been done, it is up to her. But you can "undo" what issues you have, seek help, and then you can be the best dad for your daughter when she needs you rather than a contributing factor to her issues. Best wishes, Bill. Good points. For myself, the past is water under the bridge. The ex and I get along very well, and we occasionally socialize with the grown up kids. Today, my daughter has a normal relationship with her mother, and I'm very happy about it. Note that I've never discredited her mom, nor play games, and I've encouraged her to open up to her mom since the seperation in 1992. Again, I had custody of her after the seperation.
6/28/2009 6:17:13 PM	Girls who won't commit
i_am_bill Astatula, FL age: 50 online now!	Quote from rig216: Good points. For myself, the past is water under the bridge. The ex and I get along very well, and we occasionally socialize with the grown up kids. Today, my daughter has a normal relationship with her mother, and I'm very happy about it. Note that I've never discredited her mom, nor play games, and I've encouraged her to open up to her mom since the seperation in 1992. Again, I had custody of her after the seperation. The damage or programming that happens to people happens at a very early age. It matters not what the relationships are today, the damage has been done. Until she (you) recognizes the cause of the behavior that is troubling you (her) and gets professional guidance to come to terms with it then it will continue. I wish you and her luck. Bill
6/28/2009 6:26:05 PM	Girls who won't commit
rig216 Red Deer, AB age: 47 online now!	Quote from i_am_bill: The damage or programming that happens to people happens at a very early age. It matters not what the relationships are today, the damage has been done. Until she (you) recognizes the cause of the behavior that is troubling you (her) and gets professional guidance to come to terms with it then it will continue. I wish you and her luck. Bill Thanks bill, I'm going to proceed with your recommendation....I should have done it long time ago. This thread is now close, thank you all for posting.
6/28/2009 6:55:12 PM	Girls who won't commit
stastas Brooklyn, NY age: 45	Quote from rig216: I have a 25 years old daughter who won't commit, and she had numerous short term relationships. I've never seen her with a broken heart, but many young men she dated have cried on my shoulder. Sometimes I feel giving them a warning message, but I never did...in my mind, I just tell them "good luck". She won't date men who are financially stable, brought up in a good family. She rather date a disposable loser. She is extremely beautiful, a talentual signer/guitar player, and financially far ahead for her age. Your thoughts.... I think that although she is beautiful, she has low self esteem and picks easy guys that she won't regret to lose and in fact it makes her feel better about herself that someone cries over losing her, it is cheap trick and she will get over it soon, she is just scared of being rejected by a good guy, so she prefers to torture losers
7/6/2009 8:19:04 AM	Girls who won't commit
hazeleyes1982 North Bergen, NJ age: 27	Tell her she needs to find someone stable because in the long run thats how she is ever gonna be happy She will eventually find a man that will sweep her off hner feet.
7/6/2009 4:15:10 PM	Girls who won't commit
doreen1111 Brenham, TX age: 45	At 25 ... she's already decided what she wants... that's too bad!!!
7/7/2009 12:30:23 AM	Girls who won't commit
angelofhonesty San Antonio, TX age: 40	This is most certaintly a strange twist...most fathers are glad that their daughter isn't committed to one man at such a young age and is prefering to focus on her career and own ability to care for her self financially.....sounds like you are in the twilightzone dad? she's young let her have experiences...hey sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs(loser), to find your prince charming!!! [Edited 7/7/2009 12:31:07 AM PST]
7/7/2009 12:37:02 AM	Girls who won't commit
photodude111 Sedona, AZ age: 45	She is 25 and in play mode, it might take here a few years to break out of that one. You can only teach them to the best of your ability and move on, some things they will have to figure out for themselves. Good luck
7/7/2009 2:12:06 AM	Girls who won't commit
th6231 Point Pleasant Beach, NJ age: 62	Dating a better class of men requires more committment than she is willing to extend. She somehow feels that "disposable" can come and go and she is not wasting her emotions on them. Its a phase---she will change when she is ready to. She--being a female--is seeing this differently than a man sees it--so you will never understand it.
7/7/2009 7:00:45 AM	Girls who won't commit
misunderstood24 Savannah, GA age: 24	I'm 24 and I've been ready to settle down since I was 20. I thought that the guy I was dating was going to be it. But in saying this maybe she isnt sure what she wants. I have a good idea of what i want now, but there are many times I dated the loosers. Dating loosers also had something to deal with my self-esteem, which I've overcome and have alot more confidence and selfworth about myself.
7/7/2009 7:17:15 AM	Girls who won't commit
longhairedgal Lakeland, FL age: 53	She is playing the field. Leave her alone. She is only 25. I have two daughters. Now they both wished they would have waited until over 30 to get settled down and married. But it is too late. Be glad she is not in an unhappy relationship. She sounds healthy to me. I have a sister who has and still does make the boys/men cry. It was so funny too me. I had to counsel one of her 35 yr old boyfriend into hanging in there. I told him, maybe one day she will marry him. My sister is 48 yrs old. She is simply gorgeous. She is independent and was only once in love with my twisted ex-brother-in-law. I think she still loves him. What a mess. But she is my hero. She makes the big boys cry. JUST KIDDING!!! I feel sorry for them, somewhat!