Forums: Introductions: need help from some one who has been there
12/3/2007 1:18:04 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

kenk
Rolla, MO
age: 66

HOW TO BEGIN OVER AFTER LOOSING YOUR MATE?

12/3/2007 1:38:56 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

waytogo51
Prairie Grove, AR
age: 51

You just take a day at a time. I know that sounds easier said than done. And it's not easy. Talking on here really helps alot. You will find a lot of great ppl on here. Hang in there and good luck.



[Edited 12/3/2007 2:00:01 AM]

12/3/2007 1:47:48 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

hammerinjim
Christiansburg, VA
age: 50

Don't be in a hurry; do whatever you can to be happy with who you are. Prepare for the holidays - find friends or family to be with, or make new ones. The holidays are the worst part. Make others happy, all it often takes is a kind word, or a smile, and in the process you become someone others want to be around, someone they want to see happy. It's a vicious cycle, but it works!

12/3/2007 3:45:13 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

kenk
Rolla, MO
age: 66

Thanks. seems like every time i meet someone i go back in my shell and feel guilty, like i am cheating. i know i have to get over this but it is not easy.

12/3/2007 4:34:42 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

osipsc
Chicago, IL
age: 54

waytogo is right, take it slowly and one day at a time. Having someone to talk with on the forums can be a big help.

12/3/2007 9:49:09 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

cntry8hrt
Hermiston, OR
age: 52

Kenk,

It has been seven years for me since I lost my spouse. We had been together for 24 years, half our lives. He passed away at the age of 46. Everyone kept telling me that it just takes time. I know they meant well by saying that and all the other usual things, but the phrase "it just takes time" never felt quite right to me. Then one day I heard someone say, "it doesn't take time, what you do in that time is what makes a difference". For some reason that is when I started to stop feeling less guilty for smiling, for laughing, for having simple fun or enjoying simple wonders in life. I also did another thing that helped me a lot in the path of healing. I went to the grave site for the burial and that was expected. Then I went back a second time one year later, to say good bye to my love and to let him know I forgave him for leaving me and I was going to move on and start living in the present. As time went by I started with little steps that gradually grew to bigger ones. It isn't always easy, but nothing in life is easy if you look at it. We can't change the past, we live in the present (it is called the present because it is a gift) and we look forward to the future because it will be what our memories will be made of. There is nothing wrong with feeling guitly at times. It is one of those emotions we were born with. But we have a choice to not let it control our lives. I wish you all the best in your quest for the future. Take care and enjoy each day as a new beginning for your future memories.

12/3/2007 10:31:43 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
age: 59

The same question I've been asking for myself this last year since I lost my husband at the beginning of this year. Do what feels right for yourself. Everybody is different and as I've found out it does take time to move forward. Try to find things that will make you laugh and feel that you deserve to be happy too. One day at a time!!!!1

Chatting with people helps me and they do have a "widows/widower's" group here that is great!!

Welcome to the forums from Missouri

12/8/2007 1:04:59 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

kenk
Rolla, MO
age: 66

thinks . sorry it took me so long to get back . what you say is very helpful. I have gone to the grave and talked to here and i know she wants me to go on with life, and i want to but i still have to get over the guilt feeling, dont know why it is so hard.

12/8/2007 1:07:12 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

emt854
Appleton, WI
age: 53

K..join in the 50+ group..there are many there that have been through what you have.
Welcome


12/8/2007 1:11:48 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

kenk
Rolla, MO
age: 66

THanks also for the advise i will try that

12/8/2007 1:20:22 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

kenk
Rolla, MO
age: 66

cant find the 50+ site , how do i get there?

12/8/2007 1:22:50 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

slingblade69
Mantua, NJ
age: 38

you have too say bye bye if your still friends that cool, if you can`t deal with that there is other girls around believe me and they can be just as cool, but it is hard my man! but it`s all good!!

12/8/2007 5:29:14 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

iamddoubleu
Fayetteville, NC
age: 52

Since you posted in the introductions section let me say welcome.

I lost my wife a little over 13 months ago. Only time is going to ease the pain. Last year's holidays were a lot harder to face than this year's holidays. Still hard but easier. Find things to do that you enjoy. I find nature to be good medicine.

You can find the widow/widower section by clicking on the Groups tab at the top right of this page.

You will also find the over 50's Group there.

My thoughts are with you.



[Edited 12/8/2007 5:32:53 AM]

12/9/2007 9:38:14 AMneed help from some one who has been there 

butterfly_blue_
Poplarville, MS
age: 51

Hi Kenk....I have never lost anyone close to me except my dad. I know how hard that was and I am sure loosing your wife is even harder after so long. Hang in there. They say it gets easier every day. Good luck with your search.