Forums: Dating General Discussion: Dating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!"
12/5/2007 5:06:08 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

pirate72
Paris, IL
age: 35

Okay, I actually began this in another thread, so I'll re-post it here so everyone can catch up:

Wow. My there's a whole lot of prudes in here today

Seriously, I'm going to answer a lot of these questions with just one post. For the guys wanting to know why a woman won't stay with a guy who is "too nice", it's because she's not attracted to him. Guys, here's an insight into the female psyche: for men, attraction is an event. You see a beautiful woman, and instantly, you're attracted to her. For women, attraction is a process. Attraction is created (or not) in a woman by the way a man acts, not by what he looks like. And here's two more insights:

1. Attraction is an emotion. That means it is something that is not rational or logical. It also means it's not a conscious thing. Most women can't tell you why they are or aren't attracted to a certain guy.
2. Attraction isn't a choice. Think about that a moment. I'll say it again. Attraction isn't a choice. What this means is, if a woman isn't attracted to you, there is nothing you can do, nothing you can say, to persuade her into feeling attraction for you. On the flip side, if a woman IS attracted to you, there is nothing ANYONE else can do to persuade her not to be, not family, not friends, not even herself! THAT is why you see so many drop-dead gorgeous women with average-looking (or worse!) guys. That's also why a lot of women stay in abusive relationships. They can't help their feelings of attraction for the abusive guy.

Women love bad boys; it's a proven fact. But why? Because bad boys radiate confidence. Bad boys play by their own rules, nobody else's. In fact, you might even say that bad boys live in their own realities.

The good news is, there's ways you can make a woman feel attraction for you WITHOUT being an abusive asshole.

Ok, I'll stop there for a bit and give everyone a chance to post their own opinions to this, then I'll throw down some more things I've learned. If everyone's interested, that is.

12/5/2007 5:08:52 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47

<== like a nice man

A few men perceive to be "nice" men but when you're in too deep then the real man appears. Sort of like a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I don't look for bad boys ... totally the opposite.

12/5/2007 5:20:09 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

countrydancer32
Elmo, UT
age: 33

Uh oh Pirate, I'm interested. I'm attracted and not even you can stop me?

Actually, I agree with you. At least for me attraction IS a process. Which is why I don't respond well to compliments by people who don't know me or winks on this site. Unless they are damn fine and I'm willing to give them a second chance to get me hooked.

What else is on your mind?

12/5/2007 5:23:06 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

greg267
Kingman, AZ
age: 25

i agree with you pirate.

12/5/2007 5:26:59 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

countrydancer32
Elmo, UT
age: 33

While you are waiting to share your opinion some more, can we go play?

12/5/2007 5:28:33 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

loneoak
Reno, NV
age: 44

You got it dude! Now, put it into a textbook, and make it a requirement from grades 4 through PhD and lotsa folks (especially women...) would be much happier!!

My own 2 cents on 'nice' guys...just because you don't hit or insult your date etc doesn't make you nice. I went on some dates with 'nice' guys and they often lost because of little things...no.1 being they didn't listen at all!!

I don't care if you're rich, handsome, take me to my favorite restaurant, open all the appropriate doors, etc...if you interrupt me, or only talk about yourself you're off my list, for good!

The other pet peeve is the highschool jokes/talking about sex too early. I told one guy on the phone "I"ll send you a brief email"...his reponse, "What! You're going to send me your briefs!" loooooseeer...

Anyway, sorry to digress, carry on Pirate!

12/5/2007 5:42:22 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

brwnsugar59
Albuquerque, NM
age: 48

Because most women aren't as shallow as men you "can" get them to like you even if they were not initially attracted to you, or make them stop liking you if they were attracted to you at first. I'm speaking from personal experience on both counts. Just something life has taught me.


But for the most part I agree with you Pirate. Carry on

12/5/2007 5:48:36 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

pirate72
Paris, IL
age: 35

Ok, now, hopefully DH will be good to me and let me post twice in a row. If not, I'll just copy and paste it til later. Anyway....

Ok, so, guys, now you know what the ladies look for in a guy...humor, intelligence, confidence. Now how do you let her know that you've got that? Well, you could just walk up to her and say, "Hey, I'm smart, funny, and confident." Okay, guys, show of hands...how many think that'll work. Nobody? Good! Score yourself 10 extra credit points! Of course it won't work. Not only will it not work, but it will tell a woman the exact opposite! Why? Well, to understand that, you must first understand communication.

I know what you're thinking. "Of course I understand communication. I majored in English in college!" Well, bully for you! But you don't understand the way women communicate. Women speak a whole other language. Well, they do speak English also, but women are also fluent in a completely different level of communication. It's a level that has most men stymied. It's called body language. It's about how you carry yourself, how you move, and how your voice sounds when you speak. Guys, I'm telling you, if you can master this language, then you can tell a woman that you are the one for her without ever saying a word. Here's a few examples:

Have you ever been talking to a woman and you lean in towards her and she backs away?

Have you ever been the one to keep a conversation going, almost like you're talking to yourself?

Have you ever had a woman just look at you and make that face? You know the one. The one that looks like she just spied a dead rat in her fridge?

Of course you have. We all have. Now here's another set of questions for you...

Have you ever had a woman lean in towards you?

Have you ever had a woman constantly want to talk to you?

Have you ever had a woman give you that look? You know the one. The one that a leopard gives an antelope right before it pounces?

I have. Almost on a daily basis. Is it because I'm a stud? I'm some sort of "mack daddy"? Because I look like Brad Pitt and have his cash flow?

Nope! I'm just an average Joe with an average job. In fact, I used to be a victim of the first set of questions. But I decided to do something about that: I decided to do whatever it takes to learn what makes a woman want a guy.

Would you like to learn how to achieve the second set of questions on a daily basis? What am I saying, of course you would!

So let's talk a bit about this new language, this "body language", and how it translates for a woman.

OK, so you're deep in conversation with a woman, and you lean in toward her. Now, what does that say to a woman? Believe it or not, it says, "I think that what you have to say is important, and I want to hear it." It basically means, "I'm giving you all of my power." Not in so many words, obviously, but on a subconscious level.

What about the constant (and often rapid and nervous) chatter? That tells a woman that you're nervous beyond belief and might just puke all over her from sheer terror.

And what did you do to cause her to give you that look? Well, my guess is either you threw up all over her shoes, or you did some other thing that made her cringe.

So, Pirate, what can I do to make a woman not think that I'm needy and insecure? I am SO glad you asked

Here's one way: all of those things that you're doing that project an air of quiet desperation? STOP DOING THEM!!!!!! Ok, I know that's a vague answer, so let's be more specific:

1) Lean away from her. This tells her that you're okay with not being as close as you possibly can to her. In fact, lean back. Relax. Lounge a bit. Act like you talking to her is the most natural thing in the world, not like it's something that happens only once in a blue moon. Plus, when you're nervous, she'll be nervous. When you're at ease, she'll be at ease.

2) Don't speak ALL the time. Ever watch any Kevin Smith movies? You know Silent Bob? He's the fat guy in the overcoat who doesn't say a single word the WHOLE movie, until the very end, when he says one or two words. But because of his silence the rest of the time, his two words speak VOLUMES. AND they make him sound like a guru on whatever subject is being discussed. So don't feel the need to speak all the time. In fact, I recommend speaking as little as possible. Remember the old saying: "It is better to be silent, and thought a fool, than to speak, and remove all doubt."

3) On the rare occasion that you DO open your mouth to utter some nugget of wisdom, speak slowly and quietly. When you speak slowly, you project an air of calm, and when you speak quietly, you force others to quiet down in order to hear you. This may also have the added bonus of causing the woman to lean into you. And remember what the leaning in means? In this case, it's not desperation. In this case, it's, "I think that what you have to say is important, and I want to hear it."

Here's another little tip: pay close attention to your posture. Do you slouch when you walk? Do your shoulders droop? Is your chest concave?

Let's try this exercise: Guys, stand up. Yes, right now. I want you all to just stand up. Now I want you to lift your chest. I don't mean inhale and inflate it as much as you can like the exploding dude from Big Trouble in Little China. Imagine there's an invisible string from the center of your sternum, right between your nipples, all the way up to the ceiling. Now imagine that their's some invisible puppeteer pulling gently upwards on that string. It's making your chest lift higher and higher. Do ya feel that? What does it feel like? Doesn't it make you feel really cool? Like you could take on Godzilla? Ok, maybe not that good. But don't you feel more confident? You should. Try walking around like that for the next few days. Make a conscious effort. And pay attention to how people look at you when you stand or walk like that. I bet you'll be turning some heads.

Alright, folks, that's enough for now. I'll give everyone a chance to digest this so far, and next time I post, in a day or so, I'll introduce you to a conversation technique called Cocky + Funny. In the meantime, go ahead and post your thoughts, everyone.

TTFN

12/5/2007 10:31:13 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

countrydancer32
Elmo, UT
age: 33

Guys, listen to pirate on the leaning thing. A guy leans into me before I am ready and I unconsiously take a step or two back. As far as if she is interested, not only will she lean into you but watch for her to mirror you.. does she take a drink when you do, etc.

Alright pirate, what else you got for these guys?

12/6/2007 5:44:53 AMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

mitchell1221
Chattanooga, TN
age: 45

A lot of good information, but this sounds a lot like it came from David DeAngelo
I get the guys newsletters, I`m not dissing you, but you should give credit to the original author. instead of making it appear that you wrote this.

Other wise, great stuff.

12/6/2007 6:13:09 AMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

mr_passion_2009
Texarkana, TX
age: 45

don't mean tp piss you guys off but as i read the threads i can't help but to see why alot of you are still alone look ppl if you date a man are woman that has humor,intelligence,contidence and he or she f*ck over you may just may you need to try the one that don't have all those thing

pluse from great experience of watching relationship for over 10 years i've notice those one the woman call good men and the men call good women its good if you only look for a one type of person then to me you are not looking for the best cause the thing is that if god has that special person for you he or she is not going to be CONTIDENCE OR INTELLIGENCE NORE HUMOR cause have anybody every think that maybe in a relationship that your duty is to fall in love with someone that not in your little BOX OF LOVE but maybe outside of it ?

12/6/2007 6:18:11 AMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

johnny122379
Dallas, TX
age: 28

Why do women say they want the candy, the honesty, love....etc N then yes, want the jerk instead of the nice guy.....???? BECAUSE OF CONFIDENCE???

12/6/2007 6:26:41 AMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

explorer11
Rolla, MO
age: 62

Thats all good for short term... what happened to being yourself... ??


12/6/2007 7:00:39 AMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

tothfaree
Biloxi, MS
age: 61

It's chemistry ya'll.... this is uncontrolable !!!

12/6/2007 2:16:19 PMDating advice for guys, or "How to stop being a wuss!" 

lawrence084
Honolulu, HI
age: 41

Pirate - just remember while you reading all Daivd D. and the rest of the guru stuff, that those guys do that stuff for a living. That is their job. In other words, they are going to try to sell you something that works once because the truth of the whole thing is repetion. The more you doing something the better you get at it. I just save you a few thousand dollars. Assuming you are paying for their knowledge.

Advice: You will learn more and be able to do more faster if you understand why their method work.



[Edited 12/6/2007 2:19:45 PM]


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