whiskery34
East Moline, IL
age: 35
| Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
It was either me or Confucius that said "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious a** raping at airport security."
"I'm against abortion except like in cases of rape." ... that's like saying "yes a fetus is a human being ... unless his dad is an a**hole."
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beardaddy
Middleburg, FL
age: 45
| wow makes me not want to fly 
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califgirl1
Martinsville, VA
age: 63
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krasota23
Albuquerque, NM
age: 59
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sweetlipsny
Sayville, NY
age: 38 online now!
| During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:
"Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go pee."
"That would be rude and impolite! ! ! What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry , but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you Pepito, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
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scooter1483
Kunkletown, PA
age: 26
| During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:
"Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go pee."
"That would be rude and impolite! ! ! What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry , but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you Pepito, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
Awesome, just Awesome!
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sweetlipsny
Sayville, NY
age: 38 online now!
| Blonde Logic
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
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walter555
Albuquerque, NM
age: 52
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sweetlipsny
Sayville, NY
age: 38 online now!
| A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom, are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
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sweetlipsny
Sayville, NY
age: 38 online now!
| BLACK MAN WALKS INTO A CAFE EARLY ONE MORNING AND
NOTICES HE'S THE ONLY ONE THERE
AS HE SAT DOWN HE NOTICED A WHITE MAN SAT BEHIND HIM,
THE WHITE MAN SAID "COLOURED PEOPLE ARN'T ALLOWED IN HERE" .
THE BLACK MAN REPLIED...
"WHEN I WAS BORN I WAS BLACK
WHEN I GREW UP I WAS BLACK
WHEN I'M SICK I'M BLACK
WHEN I GO IN THE SUN I'M BLACK
WHEN I'M COLD I'M BLACK
When I Die I Will Be BLACK!
When You Were Born You Were PINK
When You Grew Up You Were PEACH
When You'r Sick You Turn GREEN
When You Go Into The Sun You Turn RED
When Your Cold You Turn BLUE
When You Die You Turn PURPLE,
AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME COLOURED".
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