Forums: Relationships: What happend to "Untill death do us part."????
1/8/2008 8:07:48 PMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

jsup33
Lockport, LA
age: 33

No faith,no comitment,no morals.In which direction are we going?

1/8/2008 8:18:31 PMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

silver_rain1011
Springfield, VA
age: 22

It's just the society we live in nowadays. 68% of all marriages end in divorce. Marriage is no longer "til death do us part", it's now "until it's no longer beneficial for me to continue this marriage with you". There is no "working through problems" like there was in the olden days... but granted there are some problems that just can't be fixed. The top two reasons why marriages end in divorce are: 1. MONEY and 2. SEX. My generation (the ones starting to get married right now) have no idea how to budget money for savings and resist impulse buys. I would never get married without a prenuptial agreement these days. It wouldn't matter if I was making $30,000,000 or $30,000 always have one just in case either party decides to punk out and take half of your money forever. You can still live on $15,000,000 but it's hard as hell to live comfortably on $15,000. Protecting your own ass first is key, because chances are they're doing the same thing for themselves.

1/8/2008 8:20:43 PMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

dutchboy4u
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 45

Jsup, It looks like society is definitely ignoring morals, good judgement, and self control. Where it will lead, no one knows. Hopefully, it's just a cyclic thing.

1/8/2008 8:34:05 PMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

amy021780
Omaha, NE
age: 28

We're going to Hell in a hand basket... that's where. lol

No, I don't think EVERYONE has no morals, no faith and no better judgement. But I do think that times have really changed - and people are in a couple of different cattegories. Either they just don't want to bother trying to keep it together and doing what it takes to do that. Or they are in a situation that they need to be liberated from and now it's acceptable and easier to get done than it was 30, 40, 50 years ago when divorce was TOTALLY unacceptable and no one ever did it. You just lived with it.

The world has changed.

1/8/2008 9:22:57 PMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

tinasdream
Katy, TX
age: 31

i don't know but i feel dead

1/8/2008 9:26:02 PMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

tomfreebird
Brownsboro, AL
age: 55

When we live in a society of ( i'm number one's} Its hard to be a twosome
for a couple to be one, the two come together and become halfs, to make one out of the two, the halfs need be the two better halfs, then the one, is a better one, than the two seperate ones, ever could have been



[Edited 1/8/2008 9:29:53 PM]

1/8/2008 9:33:55 PMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

lorlie
Eugene, OR
age: 52

Once you have experienced "Untill death do us part" you will know the answer.

1/9/2008 5:27:43 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

irparis39
New York, NY
age: 48

People have morals, its just that those morals and faith are in their head and not in their hearts/souls and there's hell to pay if you even bring God into anything. We're not raising marriage worthy kids either and if you're a product of a divorce household, you've learn early on that divorce is an option like everything esle.

I don't think people who've been married 20/30 years really want to start over. Singleton is not all its crack up to be, especially if you're an older woman as we can see by the profiles of the men in relation to age... But we've all become a disposal society, a materialistic society, a narcissictic society, a society of "what I want" "what I'm not getting". Not to say we should be satisfied with less in our marriages, but I find that "what I want" is more self gratification than "what I need". A child says I want this for Xmas and then gets it and plays with it until the New Year and then wants something else...you can fill in that "want" but then when does it become enough.

I really think everyone before marriage could use with marriage counseloring before "I do". Obviously doing it on our own is not working for them. And not to mention that we don't exactly have good judgement when we pick them. We let love blind us and tell us that some flaws and idiosyncrasies are doable and then after a few years when we're not blind anymore, it really gets on our nerves and yet most people live together before marriage, go figure.

And yet, in the 40s/50/60s they didn't live together and it seems like those people ended up married longer, why, because they had one agenda...to find the best possible mate, marry, start a family and stand together through whatever trials and adversities life put in their way. Some people choose to do that stand together, fight together, others bail out because it becomes too hard...well, no one said it would be easy...its just worth it.

P

1/9/2008 6:12:12 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

countrydancer32
Elmo, UT
age: 33

it parted.. (j/k)

I stuggled heavily with this one myself. The number one reason given by most everyone on here I have talked to is lack of fidelity.

For me I would have lived miserably married until the end of time and kept working on it with or without him. I am not the type to give up or go back on my word. Yet, ...[deleted]
I had a big thing written but I don't want to air my dirty laundry here.

Let's say this, when I got married I firmly believed there were ONLY two reasons to ever leave, cheating or hitting, period. And even then, cheating could probably be dealt with. Saying it is too hard, or not fulfilling, or I fell out of love, or any other slew of excuses don't cut it with me!

The one reason I had not previously considered that caught me by surprise, was having to consider the environment I was raising my kids. When I realized that I was teaching my daughters to fall in love with the kind of guy that would put them in the same unbearable situation we were struggling to put up with.. When I thought of their safety, their altered behavior, their learned fear of angry men, and a host of other things.. I left.

What really scares me, is that if he would have just admitted to the stuff I caught him on red-handed and if he was willing to work at the marriage and get help I would have stayed. Now THAT is frightening!!!

1/9/2008 7:33:54 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

tanyl1
Glen Burnie, MD
age: 36

There's a song that's out about going back to a time when commitment was golden. Like your question, I think that this song misses a fundamental truth. People stayed together "til death" back in the olden days because for a number of reasons (social stigma, difficulty of legally getting a divorce, financial situations) people (especially women) DID NOT HAVE A CHOICE. You will note, that the incidence of divorce increases cross culturally as women become more educated and financially independent i.e. they have a choice.

Also, think back on those folks who were married "til death" they often cheated on each other, beat each other and hated each other. You always see images of the 90 year olds who've been married for 60 years. Noone mentions that the husband had an "outside family" for thirty years and that the wife buried herself in her children and church because she so hated her life.

Now, I agree that we can try harder to keep our relationships, but let's not idealized a "golden age" that's never really existed.

TLR

1/9/2008 7:49:50 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

prxf
Pittsburgh, PA
age: 51

I know this is easier said than done, but my question is, if you don't get along with your partner, why get married? I, too, miss the 'til death do us part' society, although I was raised in it. My late grandparents were married in their late teens and remained tied until my grandfather died of ALS Disease. My grandmother passed away in November. But I've always believed in their kind of relationship of being true to each othe and never cheating(yes I said never!).
Unfortunately, nobody(or very few) believe in those morals, while I still believe in them. This is why I remain single, I'm very selective.
I agree that today's society is nothing like it used to be, because of today's parents which is sad(imo). I wish today's couples would give their marriages a chance to last rather than calling it quits and those who have no business being together, should not get married. But I'll always believe in my morals.

1/9/2008 8:02:24 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 48

Murder is illegal.

On the serious side, my parents have been married for 54 years, and when I tell anyone this the next thing I say is, "One of them needs a medal, I am just not sure which one." Myself, I have been married 4 times, just can't seem to get it right. I agree with Tanyl, the things that go on now, i.e. the cheating, abuse, and the just making each other miserable, all those things have been going on forever. How many outside children did Thomas Jefferson have? Also years ago, Women did not work outside the home, therefore, they had no means of support if they did choose to leave, so the sucked it up and stayed and many of the lived miserable lives. So fast forward, to the present, and what do you have? Women can vote, hold jobs, they have money to take the kids and leave, and they do, they can support themselves, and they like it. Also there is not the social stigma attached to divorce that there once was, and men also, are choosing to live there lives to the fullest, instead of suffering from one bad choice that was made at a sometimes very young age.

1/9/2008 8:07:07 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

southerndish
Peachtree City, GA
age: 35

The same thing that happened to trust and honor, out the window to what they only think the grass in greener

1/9/2008 8:08:47 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

17cloverman
Delanson, NY
age: 45

there was a part that said that!


Damn I need another toke!



[Edited 1/9/2008 8:09:53 AM]

1/9/2008 9:17:41 AMWhat happend to "Untill death do us part."???? 

cats43injax
Jacksonville, FL
age: 44

We have become a disposable society. Think about it. Almost everything is meant to just be tossed away instead of working on fixing the problem. Marriage has been thrown in this pile also. I was raised with that "death do us part" mentality. That is why it took so long for me to leave my ex. I just don't believe in giving up so easy if things are not working. I wish people thought the way they used to. I think it would have a major impact in many facets of life. If homes were like they used to be, the crime would be lower, marriages would last,neighbors would be nice again, and so on. It's just to easy for most to conform to todays thoughts on things than to take a stand and do things the way they should be done.