Forums: Relationships: perplexing question #2
1/12/2008 7:28:23 AMperplexing question #2 

dreambuilder07
Gaithersburg, MD
age: 48

If your long time soulmate/partner/spouse stopped having sex with you for NON-medical reasons (physical, mental, emotional) how would you react?

1/12/2008 8:01:33 AMperplexing question #2 

kiddycat
Tyler, TX
age: 51

I would give him some space. I would tell him that we can talk whenever HE is ready to.

1/12/2008 8:10:46 AMperplexing question #2 

drummrboy
Belmont, MA
age: 43

i'd try to be understanding and supportive. but for alot of people, sex is a very important part of the relationship. it should be taken as serious as all other aspects of the relationship. if i've exhausted every possible way to try to find a suitable resolution to this issue, as painful as it will be, i'd walk away from the relationship. sorry, that's just my 2 cents.

1/12/2008 8:16:25 AMperplexing question #2 

curmudgeon4300
Gretna, NE
age: 61

Nonmedical reasons? If you don't pet the dog once in a while, he don't stay under the porch.

1/12/2008 8:20:28 AMperplexing question #2 

superheroscoo
Garden City, KS
age: 24

I think I am with the dog petting medaphor. Even if its a mental thing, I still think that is considered medical, so obviously this woman is pissed at me for something or seeing another guy. I guess it would depend on the situation.

1/12/2008 8:26:20 AMperplexing question #2 

thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34

If this has nothing to do with medical reasons then one or a combination of the following is happening
#1 You are doing something to draw her away
#2 Someone else is taking your place

There is no other way to look at it if you've been with her long term and it's a non medical issue or health issue.

So you may need to have a sit down and talk about what's bothering her.

1/12/2008 8:34:56 AMperplexing question #2 

dreambuilder07
Gaithersburg, MD
age: 48

I do have personal experience with ths question and after spending a great deal of time debating back and forth with myself about control issues, and allowing sexual intimacy to become a currency or commodity for relationship issues I have come to believe that my answer to this question is the same as to question #1. Keep on loving the best way I can. I can say that I have had great difficulty keeping anger and bitterness out of my heart, I still try to love, even through the abandoment, first the bed, now the marriage. Even though I am now divorced, I still try to keep loving, because I made the vow, and on some level, the love continues.

1/12/2008 8:40:29 AMperplexing question #2 

drummrboy
Belmont, MA
age: 43

good for you dream. you're a better man than i sir.

1/14/2008 2:44:53 PMperplexing question #2 

lady5552
Romney, WV
age: 56

Talk, or try to.
Suggest counseling. Or sex therapy for the both of you to re-connect.

Something's happened, work it out if the relationship means anything to you.

Laura
Romney, WV

1/14/2008 3:25:52 PMperplexing question #2 

dixiethelovebug
Auburn, GA
age: 43

First, How do you know it is not a medical reason? Women go through changes men would never dream of. After having children your time is spent taking care of them.
Often the woman tries to balance taking care of the husband along with the kids.
Some work as well as taking care of the home. It is emotionaly draining on them. Something may be going on with the hormones that you nor she is aware of. Just because there is no physical signs dosnt mean something isnt right. As women grow older they need more stimilation than they did when they were younger. I am not talking sexual stimilation but more mental. As couples are together longer they forget about the romance and just expect at the end of the day to get in bed and have "sex" as you put it.
Women do not ever want to think of it as having "sex". When it feels like "sex" it gets to be more of a chore than anything. Woman want to make love not sex. This starts with their mind and not their body.
She may not be feeling special anymore...
I have been there.
JMO

1/14/2008 3:36:09 PMperplexing question #2 

newlife4me2
Saylorsburg, PA
age: 43

Dixie yours was the best answer I saw in this post and I echo every word........

1/17/2008 1:50:37 PMperplexing question #2 

scizzyizzy
Amarillo, TX
age: 58

Wow. Dreambuilder, you impress me. I'm glad to hear that you are trying hard to hold on.
However, do I understand that you are now divorced from this gal? There are so many reasons that a woman's desire for sex will break down and it doesn't always have to mean that there is something wrong with you, or even the relationship. Unfortunately, the woman may not want to face the thing(s) that are affecting her. Dreambuilder, she just may be broken inside from something in her past, as a child, or family dysfunction. If she really knows you as her best friend, and soul mate, you can gain her trust enough to lead her through this thing and your relationship can even be stronger than it ever was. I can't imagine that she wont come to her senses, and eventually explore solutions through some means, i.e. family physician, counselling of some kind whether church, or private counsellors. You absolutely need to stay beside her, if you are still married, and I cheer you on. A broken sex drive is no different than any other dysfuntion, and no one should desert a broken mate, regardless of the symptom.

1/17/2008 1:53:45 PMperplexing question #2 

gotboostvr4
Littleton, CO
age: 23

i would be disappointed. but if she really is the love of your life you have to respect that and who knows? maybe she will come around. stay true and keep your head up man.

1/17/2008 2:02:56 PMperplexing question #2 

lawrence084
Honolulu, HI
age: 41

That got to be an awefully depressing feeling.

My guess...Talk, communicate about anything at anytime and everything and hopfully you can get an explanation when she is ready to explain.

I have never been in thst situation and I can only imagine.

I hope you get it solved...

1/17/2008 3:52:54 PMperplexing question #2 

dreambuilder07
Gaithersburg, MD
age: 48

Thanks for all the positive comments, and I take some solace in having tried over and over every way I knew to keep us afloat, to no avail. Then enter the court proceedings and lawyers, who can take uncivil dysfunction and turn it to hatred, battle, and war.

I now spend my time focusing on the one thing I have some control over, myself. As I try improve my life and outlook, my love remains intact, though filtered and pushed so far off the flame as to cool dramatically.

Yesterday is gone, and worries about tommorrow bring nothing but stress, so I want to live for today


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