| 1/12/2008 4:48:18 PM | dating the married | |
kfab1023
Jacksonville, FL
age: 52
| lanalu are you married I think cheaters suck hi everyone
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| 1/12/2008 5:15:39 PM | dating the married | |
skibunny11
Pleasant Hill, CA
age: 36
| I basically agree dragan.
However, I have a couple of male friends that have seriously considered cheating. One did cheat. Both are good people. They are in relationships where they greatly fear losing custody of their children, or losing the same level of custody as the mother. This fear is reinforced by the spouse every time they argue. Minor children under 10 are almost always favored by the courts in CA (anyway) to be w/ the mother. There are exceptions. Then when you factor in the mother is a stay at home mom and the dad works, the men are even more scared of losing involvement with their children. So, they stay, try to work it out and are really lonely and sad patiently waiting for the children to grow older.
In both cases they have tried counseling, talking to no avail. They are not compatible with their spouses, but choose to not leave because of the relationship with their children.
I really believe at times it is more complex than what it appears and judging a situation with superficial information is not fair IMO.
I have another friend that is not married, but lives w/ his child's mother and has a relationship characterized as "married" but they are not. He has a girlfriend, but again won't come out of the shadows w/ the girlfriend, b/c in his case they he is simply listed on the birth certificate and greatly fears she could gain complete custody of the child (or leave the country w/ the child) she is foreign born.
What of these situations? 
Ski.
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| 1/12/2008 5:47:32 PM | dating the married | |
skibunny11
Pleasant Hill, CA
age: 36
| It's true Qazy.
I have another friend who's wife has major sexual issues (she was molested as a child). The husband has stayed with her throughout all the therapy, multiple group sessions, etc. and she cannot have sexual relations w/ her husband...it's been like 3 years or something like that. He stays for the children. He is also the primary earner in the family and would have to pay substantial spousal support and child support, but she would likely acqurie greater custody. He continues to support her and literally cries b/c he feels very trapped in a incredibly difficult situation.
So, I ask you all that would judge, what of this person is he a cheater after all the support (both pyschological and financial)? His wife is unable to be with him as a wife and he won't leave b/c of the children, but is desperately lonely.
Ski.
I choose to not throw any stones.
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| 1/12/2008 5:52:29 PM | dating the married | |
jcm07g6
Waldorf, MD
age: 21
| i have before
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| 1/12/2008 5:59:39 PM | dating the married | |
freeagain17
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 46
| If you cheat your are scum as far as I'm concerned. I know of situations where the man is worried about losing their children so they stay in the marriage and just get some on the side. I have no respect for those men. And guess what...if they get caught cheating they'll be in a worse situation than they would have been if they had just gotten divorced in the first place...and so deserved. Sorry...I just have zero tolerance for cheaters regardless of the situation. I'm unhappy in my marriage and my wife/husband doesn't understand or listen to me is just a sorry excuse for a person with no credibility and a weak character.
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| 1/12/2008 6:03:48 PM | dating the married | |
freeagain17
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 46
| You can choose to not throw stones but you are putting these people on a pedastal because they are doing what they are supposed to do in a marriage...love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in health, for better or worse. Not when the going gets tough and your wife has sexual issues because she was molested as a child you go cheat on her. Don't you think she's suffered enough without her husband getting himself a mistress. I'm not getting your rationale here. Just my opinion...
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| 1/12/2008 6:11:36 PM | dating the married | |
skibunny11
Pleasant Hill, CA
age: 36
| Free,
I respectfully disagree. I don't disagree that cheating just for the thrill, or just b/c someone is bored is ever reasonable. However, for any person to have to choose losing their relationship with their child vs. leaving a bad marriage, I don't believe it is reaonsble to judge that situaiton. Adulterous affairs are never a great option, but if you thought you would lose your child (literally your spouse/boyfriend could up and leave w/ the child to a different country) would you risk leaving that spouse? So, if you have your moral principles in tact, but lose your child for years, was it worth it? Do you then just stay in a sexless, loveless marriage and sacrifice years of your life to keep your standing w/ the child? These are complex questions.
It's easy to judge, unless you have literally been in that person's circumstances.
JMHO.
Ski.
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| 1/12/2008 6:17:59 PM | dating the married | |
skibunny11
Pleasant Hill, CA
age: 36
| Free,
For three years...he has not had any sexual relations with his wife. Even the therapist does not know if the spouse will improve. At what point, has a person given enough? Good Lord, you would judge that? Sorry, I can't see that as reasonable. Yes, marriage does require in sickness and in health, but I don't think that means that one person has to accept a life with someone that may never have sex with them again? Do you?
Also, what of his suffering? You don't believe he is suffering just as much?
Ski.
[Edited 1/12/2008 6:19:03 PM]
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| 1/12/2008 6:20:06 PM | dating the married | |
freeagain17
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 46
| I don't agree at all. I think you do what is right by your family and that includes your child. What do you think will happen if his wife finds out he's cheating? Will it then be worth it? She will take that child out of country in the case you are referring to out of revenge and anger.
Do you think Christopher Reves' wife had affairs because her husband was unable to have sex with her because he was paralyzed from the neck down due to an accident that was of no fault of his at all? Do you believe that it would have been ok for her to cheat because he was no longer able to fulfill his 'husbandly' duty? Or was she to stand by her vowes and remain faithful? That is what it means to be married...you remain faithful through thick and thin and you deal with whatever life throws at you. It doesn't mean that when things get tough or don't go your way it is then okay to cheat.
Just MHO.
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| 1/12/2008 6:24:02 PM | dating the married | |
freeagain17
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 46
| It is my opinion that if he is not being satisfied in his marriage and he is truely unhappy then he should divorce her and move on. Cheating on her is not the answer. He is doing her no good staying with her and deceiving her. Unless by some chance they have a mutual agreement that it's okay for him to do that, it would destroy her if she found out. Maybe I'm strange and in the minority but I still believe that when you are in a relationship with someone, especially when you are married, you don't cheat. I don't care what the circumstances are. If you're not happy, get out and then you screw whoever you want.
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| 1/12/2008 6:26:00 PM | dating the married | |
professer2
Saint Petersburg, FL
age: 53
| after all is said and done on this subject,
I put it this way,
someone fcks with my next wife
and he is DEAD.
Period.
Sorry,thats just me.
[Edited 1/12/2008 6:27:18 PM]
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| 1/12/2008 6:27:41 PM | dating the married | |
kfab1023
Jacksonville, FL
age: 52
| well said again professor well said
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| 1/12/2008 6:29:48 PM | dating the married | |
mudholelover
Indianapolis, IN
age: 45
| I think free again is just mad cause nobody wanted to cheat with her, and skinni has very valid points, I have not and am going to cheat I am going to leave so I don't have to, I was not raised that way, although, I have been cheated on early in life and I will say it really hurts if you care for them, but in my situation it is a matter of morals, I think if you do then be prepared for the consequences, kinda like driving to buzzed I guess
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| 1/12/2008 6:33:27 PM | dating the married | |
freeagain17
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 46
| You couldn't be more wrong mud...I've had many offers over the years to date married men and I just won't do it because I think they're scumbags for one and I have far more respect for myself than to be someones easy lay when they're tired of their wife. I'm not mad about any thing...I just hate cheats.
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| 1/12/2008 6:37:00 PM | dating the married | |
mudholelover
Indianapolis, IN
age: 45
| I grew up with a father who did repeatedly, of course didn't know till I was older, my high school sweet heart did and I walked in on that one, jail, he still is sore, she is still a wh*re LOL I haven't and won't but like other things in life can understand why some do
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