| 1/20/2008 10:53:27 AM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
wendy001
Manchester, CT
age: 36
| I was reunited with my first love 2 years ago. I am 35 and hes 38. I loved him so much when were teens and when he left me i tried to kill myself. I went on but never forgot i had a love for him that no one ever lived up to. I found him about 2 years ago. His wife died and was raising her 2 kids. I was so in love with him this time its like a dream come true.Then the bad things started. He would fight with me about he needs space, his kids hated me, i knew he smoked pot and i dont but i let him cause i didnt think he was hurting anyone. Well time went on and he was fighting and would not come home for days the longest was 4 days. I was later told he was using cocaine and crack and gets hotel rooms with this woman and they do it. He denied it, then admitted it and said they didnt have sex. I actually took him back. Well let me get to the point. He left again for days i said ive had it.We split for a week. He called and i said i needed to think about it.I was weak and when i decided to go back that night he said he found someone else at the bar.I lost it and tried to end it. Theres alot more to the story but i will explain if we talk sometime. Well i ended up going back again and he left again to her now they live together with his kids and hers. Its been 2 months and last night he came back crying saying hes going to kill himself and im the only one that can save him. I let him in and we had sex and then he left to go back to her. I am hurt i feel like crap and i am so ashamed of myself. I am so stupid and why i did it i dont know. I need help obviously because no one does that after what he did. Maybe i will tell you more of the story if we talk anyone got aim? If so im tekel8@[blocked]  
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| 1/20/2008 11:20:40 AM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
easytouch3
Mount Clemens, MI
age: 46
| He sounds like he hasnt changed.Thats why hes your x.He left you the first time and hes doin it again I would like to hookup with my first true love but im sure i only remember the good times and not the bad.Find a counsler but not on this sight
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| 1/20/2008 2:12:36 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
wendy001
Manchester, CT
age: 36
| Hi i am talking to a couseler. I know deep down that i really dont want to be with someone that cheats and lies and does heavy drugs. God hes bad huh? Well im sure he would hurt me over and over so just gotta be strong. See ya
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| 1/20/2008 2:16:48 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
micky_grays
Cleveland, OH
age: 23
| Rule:
Stay away from junkies and headcases at all costs.
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| 1/20/2008 2:19:32 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 48
| He is your habit like the drugs are his habit, this won't get better if you are the only one trying to fix it. Let this one go, it will be hard at first, but Cowgirl Up and you will be okay, in time.
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| 1/20/2008 3:24:05 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
rer
Kennesaw, GA
age: 59
| If you don't like nihgtmares.... don't go back.
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| 1/20/2008 3:29:41 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
lonleyalone1
Perry, GA
age: 41
| Girlfriend....I wish I had the answers for you....This guy is in a lot of pain and turning to drugs and sex to ease his hurt. there is nothing you can do to make it better....I know you said you are seeing a counselor, and that is good, but friends can help too. Please take care of yourself....there is only 1 you.....
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| 1/20/2008 3:43:53 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
wvcinder
Barboursville, WV
age: 46
| I was with my ex for 25 years and had 3 kids with him.. 20 years into the relationship he started all the behavior that you described in your ex.. you can't help him. You can only save yourself and hope that he does the same. I tried for five years to fix my marriage, save it.. it doesn't work. He is only using you to make himself seem normal.
Mine threatened suicide, and by the time he did I was strong enough to tell him that if he thought killing himself was going to make me sad that he was wrong... that it would only make me 50 thousand dollars richer(life insurance).
They will use any means they can to manipulate you into enabling them to continue the behavior that is slowly killing not just them, but you.
I have been free of him for 6 years now and I am not going to tell you it is easy or that I don't wish things had of been different.. but I will assure you that there is a peace that comes with the missing that is well worth the pain of losing.
Hang in there. You are the only one who can take care of you.
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| 1/20/2008 3:50:21 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
wendy001
Manchester, CT
age: 36
| Why does he always threaten suicide? hes been doing this for years people say. I know he is depressed he got arrested last week for posession W/ intent to sell. Now he says he cant go to jail and hes gonna do it. Why does he have to call me? He says i always listen and i am his best friend. Do you believe this or is he just up to games? I think he is just screwed up. Thanks everyone i cant believe how nice all of you are.
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| 1/20/2008 4:14:43 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
pwin_here_n_now
Annapolis, MD
age: 38
| Wendy:
If a person truly wants help and wants to change it has to come from within. It's not easy, but you have to resort to tough love. Tough love = you tell this person that you care and love them, but for now you will not continue to be a part of their problem... When they are actively helping themselves you will be there to help them in the capacity that you can...
It is not easy, and I had to do this with a family member once many years ago... If this man has the will and desire he will find it and act on it. Unfortunately, by continuing to be involved in his "rollercoaster ride" you are enabling him to continue this pattern of behavior.
Remember - you can't change anyone. We only have the power to change our own lives and we only have the power of choice. Some people choose to live in a state of denial, and as such do not, cannot, take responsibility for their life or choices.
Tho sad, He must have some very deep wounds that need healing - but in order to heal he must be brave, corageous, and honest enough with him self to do the healing... And he must the active force behind it. No one can do this for him... And unless you are his counselor, you cannot be of benefit to him at this time....
You need to let to go for you! Missery begets Missery. Is that how you want to live your life?
I feel your pain. Continue to reach out - and make an active choice,out of love, for yourself & him!
for you a 
Peace! 
Keep the Faith!
P.Win
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| 1/20/2008 6:26:47 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
wendy001
Manchester, CT
age: 36
| Wow thank you that was a help, thanks
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| 1/20/2008 6:41:49 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
dixiethelovebug
Auburn, GA
age: 43
| Wendy,
Let it go now. I also was married for 18 years. The last 5 he was on crack. I wanted so badly to help him but it is a lost cause. If you stay you will loose everything. They will rob you blind. My ex stole my checks and forged my name on them. Over $5000.00 he also took our savings, I lost my home, my car. I had to leave my job because I traveled and my daughter who was 12 at the time would call me at night to tell me he had not come home. They tell you what you want to hear to get "gas money" or anything of value in your home that they can sell., Get out while you can because the pain of leaving is going to be far less than if you stay.
Been there,
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| 1/20/2008 6:54:08 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
tinasdream
Katy, TX
age: 31
| i know hes like your drug you got to move on i know i've dealt with a jerk one of a kind thought no one could be that bad and he just keeps getting away with .hes moved on the people around him think hes a wonderful man.he'll play the part well he has no respect for himself
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| 1/20/2008 7:04:52 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
guicey1
Rochester, NY
age: 42
| sweety what im going to say dont take it like im being rude, But open your eyes not your leds no one can do them things to you unless you allow them to him he feels like if he like it you love it cause you keep coming back to the pain we as women need to wake up men cant do any thing to a woman that she doesn want it seems to me that your a woman that loves pain if a man f*ck up with me 1 time cause thats all i can take is 1 f*ck up he better keep it moving be4 i move him myself, so you really already know that hes no good 4 you but you still take his calls an have sex with him come on please you love how hes treating you, because if you didnt you wouldnt be on this line trying to find an answer that would make you feel good about you being so weak an stupid sorry honey Desi dont sugar coat shit, n im a nurse to the part wen you say he says he wants to kill hisself, i have been a nurse for 15 years an i have lots of people in my family in the medical fleid wen some 1 wants to trulley kill them selfs they dont live to try again, in my studies people who attempt to but dont succeed they really dont want to kill themseves they just want a person or people to give them more notice or to keep a person that didnt want to be inb their lives to feel sorry so they wont leave, but if a person dont want to be on this earth for what ever reason they make sure no 1 can save them or stop them they make their plans without mistakes so sweety there you have my aswer for you.....Desi later
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| 1/20/2008 7:08:15 PM | Why cant i stop the pain? | |
kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 48
| Who bailed him out of jail?
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