Forums: Groups: Divorced: what to do?? move on?? or put up with it?
1/27/2008 1:24:48 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

tattedangel0627
Kokomo, IN
age: 22

i have been divorced since nov of last year.. i have a little boy out of the marriage that i love with all my heart...i divorced my ex husband because he always lied, cheated, was abusive..ect...basically a total a**hole...he says he wants to be around for our son...but he doesnt act like it...he gets mad @ the fact that i want to move on and be happy, and he will hold it against out son if i do aka not see him...so i dont know what to do... i need some advice please...

1/27/2008 1:45:47 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

easygoin68
Crawford, NE
age: 40

move on. the only thing you have to do is follow the divorce decree on visitation. keep conversations about your son. don't use him to confide about personal things, and don't let him use you for that purpose. don't let him use your child as a messenger either. it's a tough road. let your x grow up. if he changes, it will show in his actions not his words.

1/27/2008 5:57:45 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

tattedangel0627
Kokomo, IN
age: 22

well thats just the point if i dont put up with his crap he wont even see our son..and i dont know if i could do that to our little boy....should i tell him to go to hell and him not see his son? or put up with his bullshit and have him still be around?

1/27/2008 7:45:59 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

tinktoo
Pevely, MO
age: 50

honey, life is to short.....dont bring up the kiddy stuff.....your child is the one that gets hurt out of a divorce....you can survive and move on, and so can he....dont screw the kids mine up and feed him shit about his dad, or him feedin him about you....leave the kid out if he is abussvie like you said the kid does not need to be around he isnt no father....he doesnt need him....you need to think of you and your child....there is men out there that r good men that will raise that boy as his...he is to young to no any better....get out of it and move on...i been there..dont hurt your kids...

1/28/2008 8:10:48 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 
anniebug
Tulsa, OK
age: 50

I agree with both easygoing and tinktoo. Sometimes it hard to give up the familiar, becasue it's scary as hell to face the unknown. Be brave, face the unknown. You will love yourself and your child more in the long run. And, you'll both be better off.

1/28/2008 8:45:51 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 
easytouch3
Mount Clemens, MI
age: 47

Dump him and move on if he loves his son he will stay in touch.

1/29/2008 7:28:40 AMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

cherokeebaby60
Collinsville, MS
age: 48

Hey Sweetie I agree with what easy said Get on with your life and enjoy your Son if he really truly loves his child he will be in your child's life if not consider it a Blessing it is his loss if he chooses not to be in your childs life .

Sending you Warm Gentle Hugs and Blessings

1/29/2008 9:35:27 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 
onlyone4me
Peoria, IL
age: 57

Hire me to come whip his arsy. May take more than once but, hey, I'm cheap.

1/30/2008 4:23:23 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

uswoodworker
Dixon, MO
age: 48

What your son sees he will be if he see your EX abusive towards you he will do just that the more time he see this the more he will do. its better to stay away if he can not control him self. some time with out his dad will not be bad thing at this age.

1/31/2008 5:51:47 AMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

kaitlynsnana
Michigan City, IN
age: 44

believe me it's not worth putting up with that stuff, I have been there done that finally 1 day i took the kids and left. He didn't see his son for a long time but my son realized why I did what i did for his sake and mine. You have to remember if you have kids they must come first, no man no matter father or not is worth the hell the kid will go through having to see how much of an azz dad is. And yes it does reflect on the kids and how they act. My son came out fine with me raising his as mom & dad, yes it was hard at times but I had piece of mind and no crap after I left him and got him out of my life except for our son. He hates his dad for the way he treated me as he saw what was going on all the time but, he loves me for what i did to get him out of that situation and he has alot of respect for me. Put the child FIRST.

1/31/2008 5:51:10 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 
tiny154
Mendon, MI
age: 47

move on.

1/31/2008 6:30:05 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

tattedangel0627
Kokomo, IN
age: 22

yeah i hear u all..it just really bothers me how he cant love his son enough to be in his life without torturing me....i grew up without a father and well my mom wasnt really there either..and i know it hurts..i just dont want to put my son through that but yes he will learn all his bad habbits and it would be better in the long run to just move on...i just dont know what to tsay to my son when he asks, "mommy why isnt daddy around? doesnt he love us?" its going to kill me

1/31/2008 8:31:34 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

uswoodworker
Dixon, MO
age: 48

Its not going to kill you you are his MOM do what he needs get him in to sports soccer baseball fill his time with things for him he will love you Do the right thing!!!!!!!!If you need help Ill give you my phone #

1/31/2008 8:33:27 PMwhat to do?? move on?? or put up with it? 

easygoin68
Crawford, NE
age: 40

Well...you have time to start preparing for that question. Maybe talk to a counseler for pointers. During and after my divorce I never badmouthed the x, and made sure the kid didn't
think it was their fault. Just be a good example, and it will work out. And yes, kids will ask really hard questions. Good luck!