| 1/27/2008 6:06:57 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
kyattan
Santa Rosa, CA
age: 23
| I've often wondered if it's wise to say everything I want in a relationship and a prospective mate. I know that a lot of guys are intimidated by that kind of honesty.
Should I just ignore what I'm looking for and date the first idiot who's mastered the vernacular of my generation? (ie "'sup, hottie" or whatever it is people are saying these days)
Or should I hold out for someone who truly stirs me? Either way I feel like that thing on the salad bar that no one touches because it's been there so long it's grown mold.
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| 1/27/2008 6:15:00 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
katiescarlett72
Arlington, TX
age: 35
| It's not that guys are intimidated by honesty. It's that guys like to feel as though there's some sort of challenge left here. This is not a job interview where you lay out the qualifications and then look him up and down to see if he matches them. Can you imagine how uncomfortable and put-on-the-spot that makes a guy feel?
Hush. Be mysterious. Let him draw you out.
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| 1/27/2008 6:24:13 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
sidman
Grand Junction, CO
age: 30
| Well I agree with katiescarlett72, laying down all your cards on the table is like playing a game of poker without any chance of winning... well thats so boring... Well anyways if it where me I would ask you what I wanted to know about you, thats if I really liked you. If you put everything out there than guys will think you just want sex and are easy. Also desperate.
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| 1/27/2008 6:26:32 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
drummrboy
Belmont, MA
age: 43
| gotta agree with katie. i like to be challenged by my woman. otherwise, like a flower without water. it will surely die!
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| 1/27/2008 6:28:45 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
corbinsgaga
Wooster, OH
age: 47
| I love a challenge so no don't put it all out there on front street.
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| 1/27/2008 6:30:23 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
mindyb
Park Rapids, MN
age: 43
| I think it is good to be on the level honest about who you are. Be real, be genuine. No games, no angles, no stupid three day wait...if you like them call them! duh! But I know for me, I like to keep things at friendship levels, I have guys I have been friends with for years and I know they are attracted and sometimes I wonder but U think over all I also kick back and wait and see if he is going to be intersting....can you imagine how horrible things would be if we all kicked back and waited...mmmm, now there's a thought!!
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| 1/27/2008 7:03:29 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
yachtzee
Bloomington, IL
age: 50
| Don't need to dump the truck on the first date, but i'm with mindyb need not play games.
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| 1/27/2008 7:13:42 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
bouquet
Temecula, CA
age: 63
| I have found out the hard way that its more important to accentuate fun and positive aspects for awhile , no hurry ~ he won't want to marry you next week no matter what you tell him . let your-selves have fun getting to used to talking .
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| 1/27/2008 7:21:22 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47
| Do not settle unless you plan on being miserable. Don't rush into a relationship. Take your time. Keep posting in other parts of the forums. When you're not searching is when it will happen.
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| 1/27/2008 7:41:39 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
katiescarlett72
Arlington, TX
age: 35
| Oy. At the risk of sounding too much like my namesake, there's a HUGE difference between maintaining your fascination and playing games.
I'm not saying lead a guy on a merry chase just for the fun of it. I'm saying keep your allure and your mystique intact. In fact, do it until your 50th wedding anniversary. Men love a challenge, and that is hard-wired into their brains. You will not "politically correct" or Oprah it out. Love them for it, because it provides you with the perfect way to keep him always interested and intrigued by you.
No woman should ever tell a man EVERY little secret about herself. That's what girlfriends are for. Be intimate with your man, but not raw. Let him keep some of the honey-vision that he had about you, and stay on at least a little bit of the pedestal that he wants you on. After all, don't you keep him on just a little bit of one too? Do you REALLY want to hear about his ingrown toenail or the fact that he lost his temper at lunch and made a racial remark to the guy at Burger King? Intimacy does NOT mean sharing every unflattering, "holy cow I just made a total ass of myself" moment.
"Modern" women want to hop off the pedestal, kick it over, smash it with a sledgehammer, and then wonder why on earth men don't treat them like queens anymore. You can't have it both ways.
[Edited 1/27/2008 7:42:06 PM]
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| 1/27/2008 8:42:47 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
easytouch3
Mount Clemens, MI
age: 46
| you gotta know when to holdem/know when to foldem
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| 1/27/2008 9:57:36 PM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
maddog561
Boise, ID
age: 25
| I think too much honesty by either side can scare the person away.
I would not lie, if questions were raised, but have them get to know you, so when the issues do come up in the normal course of things it's not so huge.
I think the purpose of dating is to somewhat gradually become a partnership, which involves helping each other out. If a person reveals lot of problems on the first date, not many want to deal with a person bringing all negatives and few positives to the group.
just my thoughts.
You sound (and look) plenty fine to me by the way.
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| 1/28/2008 5:14:59 AM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
sidman
Grand Junction, CO
age: 30
| well the important honesty that will strengthen the relationship like if you slept with other guys before me tell me at least before I ask you to marry me so I can decide if your right for me. Don't tell me after marriage. Also I am hoping to get a girl thats virgent, but now days thoughs are rare, so in all I might not be able to get that, but maybe that practice safe sex. as that is what I want in a girl. Also another thing is this? I know this don't give us everything before marriage as guys want something to keep us connected. I don't know but I believe that kissing in sexual positions would be good ways to keep us connected to you after marriage and would make sex more fun. If we did that before why would we want to do that during marriage? also another thing I have to add is this, don't give sex out so easily if you want any commentment from a guy, because they will say why do I have to get married if I can already get my cake and eat it too. Why do I have to be emotional attached to her. my sister learned that the heard way. Also make us earn the stuff we want.
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| 1/28/2008 7:13:40 AM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 41 online now!
| Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. ~ unknown author
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| 1/29/2008 6:51:13 AM | Is it wrong to lay down all your cards? | |
sidman
Grand Junction, CO
age: 30
| Some idiot keeps emailing me about me putting my sister on the fence, I did not say anything bad about my sister. I will not say anything bad about my sister I love her and I am not a forgeiner I just ment that people learn life lessons in different ways. There is nothing bad there. Everyone has different values. Also if you think my typing is so bad than don't read my posts thats your options your opinion I am doing the best I can. I ain't the best typer in the world neither is everyone else here. So the person the emailed me about me talking bad about my sister. you will be put on my block list thank you vary munch until now I never had a reason to use such a list.
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