Forums: Relationships: do we have to label someone before getting to know them?
1/31/2008 4:21:55 AMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

charming_peach
Conyers, GA
age: 50

i don't understand why we have to label someone before we even take the time to get to know them or even consider dating them..its either their too big or too skinny or not the right color and so on..i've had many experiences with guys online that once they found out i was a BBW that was it..they never even talked to me anymore..it was their loss,not mine but it really agitates me that guys do that..i've seen women do that too to guys and why is it that you can't even get to know them..why can't we talk,it don't mean we're gonna have sex or get married but we're all humans with feelings and EVERYONE deserves that chance to know others without feeling like a freak of nature..it use to bother me when guys did that and to a degree it still does but i have learned along the way that if their that shallow minded then i don't wanna waste my time with them anyway..

1/31/2008 4:27:15 AMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

easytouch3
Mount Clemens, MI
age: 46

I try not to lable anyone right off the bat.Iv been chatting with a shadow that im really interested in.But eventually everyone will be labled.Kinda exciting to start off sight unseen

1/31/2008 5:04:43 AMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

garnetlady
Cincinnati, OH
age: 48 online now!

Charming I couldn't have said it better. I feel exactly the same way. I have to be a hot 10 babe before you talk to me as a friend??? I'm not necesarrily sexually attracted to the guys I talk to...but unless they make the first move in that direction they will never know how I feel. Even if attracted I'd keep it to myself. If not, I'd be respectful...that is how I would want to be treated. Many times others say they want open minded people, I guess that is just in the sexual aspect because so many do not have open minds when it comes to getting to know someone. I talk to anyone who talks to me. If I don't like the direction it goes I know how to block. Before I put my pic up I didn't hide the fact I'm a large woman, it was on my profile..I don't fib about it. It seems to be a big deal to put up a pic so I did...some stopped talking to me. All I can say is being big weeds out the men from the boys. Makes me appreciate the men that do become my friends because I know they have hearts of gold.


I've met some wonderful friends from all walks of life. Sure it is a dating site but you never know why God sent you here...could be for the love of your life or a lifetime freind. Hopefully I meet a lifetime friend who is the love of my life and he feels the same for me.

1/31/2008 5:31:34 AMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 41 online now!

Labels lead to stigma a word that means branding and shame. And stigma leads to discrimination. Everyone knows why it is wrong to discriminate against people because of their race, religion, culture, or appearance.

Words can be poison. I make a conscious effort to refrain from using labels and it is a challenge.

1/31/2008 12:30:46 PMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 45

I could give you the whole medical theory on WHY it is we label people upon site. It has to do with visual recaptcles and the transmitting of impulses and their meanings as they connotate to you personally. You see someone with your eye and immediately inside of your brain it triggers a "recognition" of something you have previously felt or thought and that is basically "how" you label people.

Break that down...

for men: they see a woman and in their head "yeah I'd tap that!" or they think "Nope."

for women : we see a man and he reminds us of a father, a cousin, a brother, a jerk off in school - and we are either repulsed and we shut down or we are attracted adn then we want to know what's inside him

Either way we're all visceral people - it's just to what extent.

Can you love someone that you previously judged ugly? Yes.

1/31/2008 2:18:43 PMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

sitkarains
Sitka, AK
age: 48

Big Pet peeve of mine. I refuse to label any one
Anywhere. They may have labeled themselves.
But I won't do it..
Everyone has a beauty whether it comes up and slaps you up side the head.
Whether it just radiates from with in.
I personally want and am looking for the Radiating beauty
Since physically beauty is so fleeting Who cares about it.Nor
can you take alot of credit for it. It comes down to DNA.

I have found the inner beauty stays for all time.

1/31/2008 4:19:42 PMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

pichick712
Brookhaven, PA
age: 50

Amen sista peach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1/31/2008 7:12:10 PMdo we have to label someone before getting to know them? 

chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47

Everyone is judgemental. Can't say that no one is for that would be deceitful. Someone who admits cheating in a commited relationship is forever a cheater. I don't see anyone saying that what he does in his life is cool but they aren't into that. No, we all judge. I read threads and learn about a person ... for their true personalities shine through. A lot of personalities shine so bright I gotta wear shades

Either a person likes me or they don't. I can't please everyone but I've got to live with myself.