Forums: Dating General Discussion: My Job Gets In The Way Of Dating
2/2/2008 8:01:42 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

unspoken4
Naperville, IL
age: 47

I'm a job readiness trainer. I prepare the unemployed for work.
Inevitably, whenever I'm speaking to an intelligent, attractive
woman at a singles event or online, and we get to that point of
the conversation where we talk about what we do for a living,
her mood shifts to "Maybe this guy can help me ... or my friend
... etc ..." Suddenly, it becomes a provider/client relationship.

This is not what I'm looking for!

So lately I've been letting everyone know up front "I'm on the
dating scene to meet new women who are interested in dating.
I'm not recruiting new clients." With the US economy the way
it is, it seems everyone is updating their resume. I'm even
slightly paranoid posting this thread. Please ... no resumes.

Your insights into my annoying predicament are greatly appreciated.

Unspoken4

2/2/2008 8:16:24 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

katiescarlett72
Justin, TX
age: 35

Stop being so open about what you do right off the bat. Say that you're in the locating and acquisition of corporate resources. You won't have lied, their eyes will glaze over, and you can move to the next subject. If there's a click, you can fill in details later.

2/2/2008 8:28:38 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 45

My state keeps getting in my way....

2/2/2008 8:57:08 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

michaelcee
Sarasota, FL
age: 51

Would that be the state of confusion???



I can SO relate!!

2/2/2008 8:57:54 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 40

I can see how that could be a problem. My job gets in the way of dating too. As soon as guys realizes I hold a graduate degree in project management, took masters level courses to earn my degree, and now assist in the management of multi-million dollar projects, they tend to get intimidated. What can I say....I'm THAT good

Seriously though, I would just say what you do and include that you're not really looking for new clients in your description of your job. If they then start trying to get your professional advice, simply say you're not comfortable giving advice to people you haven't talked to indepth about their skills and experience. Then, leave it at that. Change the subject.

2/2/2008 9:03:27 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

italianlady05
Omaha, NE
age: 53 online now!

well unspoken..you seem like a real nice guy...and BTW, any jobs out there that might look interesting for me??

2/2/2008 9:09:29 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

firefightinguy
Graham, WA
age: 42

I agree with Katie don't be so open
Hi Italian

2/2/2008 9:16:10 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

knittinkitten
Lady Lake, FL
age: 72

Why do I get the feeling that no matter what you say, you feel that you can't win.....I can see the comments now.....about you being "secretive" about what you do for a living. It's a shame....I'm not sure I have anything helpful to add, but, for encouragement, after a short explanation of your line of work, AND, after a clear statement that you are NOT recruiting clients, but are interested in meeting a gal, if they keep it up...you've got your answer...the person pursuing the subject is NOT for you. (Wish, for your sake, that it was easier to deal with than it is to say.)

Knittin Kitten

2/2/2008 9:17:58 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

michaelcee
Sarasota, FL
age: 51

Hey Crafty.... come to Sarasota.

A multi-million dollar project could be a single family property here


Anybody that's intimidated by another's education or station in life isn't saying much for themselves.

Guess I have an "out" when it comes to confidense because *nobody* plays guitar like this ole "Strat-O-Master"

Which brings us full circle.


Back in my rock and roll "daze" I refused to become involved with anyone I met via any stage performance.
If I found out someone had came in "under the wire" (as in met me somewhere else but was actually a fan)I would politely add them to our mailing list but dismiss them as a potential g'friend.

What we do/did for work isn't who we are.... It's what we do so we can be who we are

2/2/2008 10:47:33 AMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

unspoken4
Naperville, IL
age: 47

I agree that I am more than what I do for a living.
I love what I get paid for ... don't get me wrong.
But today's my day off. I'm off the resume-clock.
And tomorrow, too. Weekends are resume-free!

Hey ... this isn't a bad way to put it!

In public settings, I've tried verbally massaging my
way around my resume-ness but this puts me in an
uncomfortable "what next" mode. I'm just gunna
lead with honesty and for those who see a
freebie ain't the one for me.

I'm still learning how to
draw fast boundaries.

us4

2/4/2008 2:04:11 PMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

babygreeneyes12
Chicago, IL
age: 42

Hi you don't have to worry about me askin

2/4/2008 2:11:46 PMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 45

unspoken4 I am truly sorry I tore the thread away....at one time I was in a high powered position in a corporate environment, responsible for overseeing 168 staff and hiring more in the computer software industry...

I was frequently dined, wined and woo'd and it became quickly clear that not only were they interested in on eof two things they saw in me: a.) job b.) hot body in a suit

Tough to weed through the implicaitons and who wanted what from me and some wanted all...

This eventually is what led me to simply not date at all. NO one appearred genuine.

Now I keep my "not immediately" visible assetts to myself.
And reveal as I feel comfortable.
I am vague about my career but honest, without sharing the truth of what I do I give honest answers...

You must place boundaries that allow someone to know the real you but NOT exploit you.

It's a fine line and so skeptical...if trust and honesty is your base it becomes somewhat un-natural to put these shields up...

But you find yourself forced.

Now I am firmly entrenched behind walls - I reveal much in the threads and forums but in person - face to face...lots of walls.

Lots of walls.
Good luck and hold more back....you'll be happier in the end with who comes through the sifting.

2/4/2008 2:16:51 PMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

sea_wench1
Chandler, AZ
age: 55

Well then don't broadcast it......( wink )

2/4/2008 3:32:37 PMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

hotdoggy13
Nazareth, PA
age: 49

I was an independent trucker for the last 10 years only home 1 day a week till the cost of fuel forced me to sell my rig

2/4/2008 3:34:39 PMMy Job Gets In The Way Of Dating 

lawrence084
Honolulu, HI
age: 41

I don't know what you are complaining about. You have a topic to build reppore with women and you don't want to use it. Most guys can't find a topic to talk about once the small is over.

Use you job and come up with creative and humoreous way to explain it, and end with a quick and witty way to set up a date and skip the exhange of numbers part.


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