| 2/6/2008 6:15:24 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
katiescarlett72
Dallas, TX
age: 36
| I know almost impossible but compromises must be made by all.
Well, the pyramids did get built, so maybe not *impossible* - but definitely the next thing to it! Especially with teenagers.
Op - I wanted to hear a little more, but really this one sentence kind of said it all to me: "She has kids also. And tells me she blows them off all the time to be with me." That's just about eleven different kinds of awful.
Possibility A is that it's true, which really doesn't make her much of a mother. You can certainly find a balance between romance and single parenthood, but you should never never EVER "blow off" a child for a partner. No sane partner would ask you to and I'm sure you never requested that of her. (did you? grin) That just makes me want to go find her kids and give them a big hug and take them out for a day with me and my kids. Lordy.
Possibility B is that it's a lie, and it's said to manipulate you into putting her before your daughter. Whichhhhhhhh makes her a complete and total asshat.
Either way, you are well out of this, which I think is the closure you were kind of looking for here?
BTW - I would bet my horse and carriage that her son being unhappy when at your place had NOTHING to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with dysfunction in his relationship with her. You and your kiddos don't need that. Go find a hyperspectacular chick who can balance BOTH things without making either party feel guilty.
[Edited 2/6/2008 6:15:42 PM]
|
| 2/7/2008 5:45:37 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
willowgrace
Roan Mountain, TN
age: 48
| What is the purpose of marriage or being a couple? Couples come together because they love each other. Having children is just part of the relationship, it should not be or become the reason for the relationship.
Children are very demanding , they need nurturing and guidance. But they cannot run your life. It reality they grow up and have lives of their own eventually, at least that should be the goal. 
The marriages that work out best, preserve or do not lose sight of their love.  I do not even think it is healthy for children to get the idea that they are the center of the universe. Children should never be allowed to be in control in the family. Needs met, yes, but know their place in the family unit. Respect and balance most be taught and shown.
The couple must keep their love for each other strong and healthy. This will make for a strong and healthy family, in return the children will understand what a healthy relationship looks like. This is a very valuable. 
In a dating situation, this is tricky.
Being single with children is a different scenario. If there is not a committed relationship involved then yes more focus is on the children. However, a balance still should be in place between your needs and the children. As I said before Children should not be given the idea they are the center of the universe, important yes! But your whole life should not revolve around them. Do not lose sight of yourself.
Whoever dates someone with children must realize the children are a part of who that person is, and the love they feel most also extend to the children. Children need to know they are loved and included especially if someone new is coming into the family and is viewed as taking away attention from them. Lots of patients and unselfishness required by everyone involved. Lots of love and attention to the children , but still to have and keep a strong loving relationship the couple must make their love the priority. This is healthy and also best for the children.
Easier said them done. I know, raise four by myself for the most part. All turned out great!! 
peace and understanding,
willowgrace 
[Edited 2/7/2008 10:08:52 AM]
|
| 2/7/2008 5:59:13 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
owensborogirl
Owensboro, KY
age: 44
| There is no choice. My children came first when they were growing up. Now they know mom needs adult attention also.
|
| 2/7/2008 6:02:43 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
lilbit2007
Tunnel Hill, GA
age: 41
| Thats a tricky question. Kids always come first.They will always be your kids while woman will come and go.However, you shouldnt allow kids to interfere with relationship.does that sound double standard?
|
| 2/8/2008 3:52:42 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
soulcrazy
San Clemente, CA
age: 39
| My kids of course and if he loves me then he will put them first above me too!
~Cajun~
|
| 2/8/2008 3:55:19 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
sea_wench1
Chandler, AZ
age: 56
| My kids have a life of their own they are 36 and 34.....My man will come first as I would expect my kids mates would come first for them....( wink )
|
| 2/8/2008 7:57:16 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
corbinsgaga
Wooster, OH
age: 47
| I just ended a 8 month relationship over just this exact subject and although this wound is still very fresh to me I can honestly say that for me it should have been clearer to me early on that he had child issues. Damn, should have taken the blinders off sooner. Men come and Go. Children are forever.JMO
|
| 2/8/2008 8:48:42 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
belladreams
Binghamton, NY
age: 38
| I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride; to make i easier. Let the children's laughter, remind us how we used to be.  I jut got carried away with Whitney Houston. CHILDREN come first before anybody. You die for your children. On a woman's point of view, they come first before any man, and on a men's point of view, they come before any woman. There is no choice to make.  I would of punch the crazy b*tch out 1 2 3 Because I am Lisa, and I can. My son is 14. He has seen a couple guys i have dated, and he walks by and goes ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww who the hell is that? I said shut up and keep walking or your going back to the adoption agency. But in all honesty and sincerity, children are number one in our lives over any boyfriend or gilfriend. It would be different if they were older. I can't believe that god damn question was even asked. You deserve an Italian a** whoopin my friend.
|
| 2/8/2008 10:13:52 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
dreambuilder07
Gaithersburg, MD
age: 49
| Sin, et al, said put your love first, Italian said put yourself first. I say read Gayle Sayers again, and put God first. I am a Dad, and that's the main part of who I am. A huge part of being a good parent is to model a life my kids can follow. I need my kids to know that their faith in God can pull them through their hardest moments. I show my love to God by loving others, so sometimes -- missionary work comes first. Sometimes, saying hello to a stranger comes first, and I pray for the opportunity to show my kids that I am capable of showing my complete adoration to a woman, and sometimes putting her first.
|
| 2/15/2008 8:13:11 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
nativebabef4u
Montgomery, MN
age: 40
| willow grace do you have kids.because if you do i feel real bad for them to have a mother who thinks so less of them.you children are more a part of you then your husband will ever be.yes he helped create them but you carry that baby for 9 months and then you do everything for the baby until they reach a age where they can do things on there own.Don't matter how old your child may be.That child will always come back to you.Willowgrace don't you ever go back to your mom for advice and for love?
|
| 2/15/2008 8:16:07 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 48
| My Children come first EVERY TIME, always have, always will. They are 31, 27, 23, and 22.
|