| 2/5/2008 7:11:34 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
iatrm
Canton, OH
age: 42
| A great woman I've been with for a year. Always telling me that I put her after my kids. One lives with me. The others I pick up two times a week and everyother week end. I've always felt that your kids are your first to take care of. Then yourself and your love. She has kids also. And tells me she blows them off all the time to be with me. Her son doesn't like it at my house much. But my daughter always goes with me to her house. My daughter and her get along great. They can talk. Him and I get along very good as long as we are at her place. If he is down here. He just wants to go home or b*tch at her because he wants to leave. It's all over with now. I believe. She always felt second. Who is first ???????
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| 2/5/2008 7:14:16 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
bucktail
Poynette, WI
age: 46
| i hope she loves my kids
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| 2/5/2008 7:23:43 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
winesong
Bend, OR
age: 88
| And when you have the kids raised and out the door???
Where are you then? Do you really think your kids will be in our house?
Will her kids be in her house?
They will be on their own....and gone..
where will you each be?
Wine
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| 2/5/2008 7:58:28 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
curmudgeon112
Gretna, NE
age: 61
| Kids have to come first.
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| 2/5/2008 8:08:22 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
immabluefish
Orlando, FL
age: 44
| I can't believe you had to ask this question
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| 2/5/2008 8:11:00 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47
| winesong has a point. When the kids move on then it will only be you and her. With my 1st husband he let it be known that his mother and son were his high priority. His son was in his 20s and his mother was in her 80s. I so badly wanted to tell him to go and f**k them then. I don't want to be on the bottom list of a man's priority for I wouldn't do that to him. I love my 9 year old son and I hope that I will raise him to be a great adult. I brought him into this world and it is my responsibility to take care of him but I have to remember that when he grows up and moves away that it will be just me and my man growing old together.
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| 2/5/2008 8:11:38 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
singlennj
Budd Lake, NJ
age: 49
| Neither. They are both first.
If either of you are thinking like that you should find a partner who believes in that. Of course your both to take care of your kids but if your goal is to be together you should be taking steps to get there.
I have been on the other end of the stick where I have come second and I will not do it again. Not that everything should be dropped for me. A mature rational decision should be made based on the need at that moment.
Is it a real need? Is it jealousy? Sometimes you have to lay the law down that this person is also part of your life, you will never leave or ignore them but you need time too.
The last 2 women I was with could not do that. I am not saying they are wrong for their belief. I dont agree with it. When you have two dynamically opposing views like that, then you should break peacefully. Maybe be friends. But this is for you two to work out and come to a decision on what you are looking for, what she is looking for and where you dont meet can you compromise?
I know personally I am not right for a woman who puts her kids first. That is not to say if there is a school project, play etc that they should skip it. How about a compromise. I go along and enjoy the event also? Actually, it is not a oompromise. How about building a relationship for a possible future family?
Remember, if you are thinking of marriage. The spouse does not come second to a child. Both of your goals should be the family. A difficult concept to believe in if one thinks the children always come first.
That is better. Two people working to build together rather then opposing the needs of each other and the kids.
[Edited 2/5/2008 8:15:02 PM]
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| 2/5/2008 8:17:31 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
italianlady05
Omaha, NE
age: 53
| It isn't just not a question of who's first. Actually, YOU come first..you take care of yourself, be happy, do happy things, and the rest falls into place. Kids are your responsibility and you love them dearly, but you have needs too...the old saying that goes something like this "Ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy"..rings true, and applys to the dad of the house too. Parents that focus EVERYTHNG around their child aren't leading a very well rounded life.
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| 2/5/2008 9:57:49 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
elanabanana
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 25
| She's wrong to make you chose. Bottom line.
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| 2/5/2008 10:25:08 PM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
4321trucker1234
Niagara Falls, ON
age: 43
| your right elana blood is thicker than water rather loose a mate than my kids
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| 2/6/2008 5:31:14 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
mrbadexample
Cleveland, OH
age: 43
| I can't believe you had to ask this question. Your children come first. Period.
If you find someone who's compatible with your kids, great. If not, keep looking. Your
childrens' interests always come first, even if you have to make some sacrifices along the way to meet their needs. You can always find another woman. You can't replace your kids.
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| 2/6/2008 6:01:15 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
chelle500
Canton, OH
age: 42
| In a relationship where there are kids envolved you should always do what's best for everyone. I was in a relationship for 8yrs. with a guy who had 3 kids and I have 4. I was the only one who did anything with or for all the kids, his included. i tried to get him to do things with us all but he always had an excuse not to do anything. I have always been one to be there for my kids and whoever I am with equally but that doesn't always work. So I got out of the relationship. Who gets hurt in the end? The children. So I guess what I am trying to say is It's not a question of who comes first but who you are with. Do they want to be envolved in every aspect of your life? If they do then it wouldn't even be a question at all.Be up-front and honest when meeting someone and let them know what you expect and things should fall into place with everything else.
If everyone is envolved in things together then the who's first would only apply to who is starting the game or who is first to shower etc...
This may sound silly but in order for any relationship to work it has to be done together....
Have a good day everyone!!!
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| 2/6/2008 6:08:10 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
cricket32
Crawfordsville, IN
age: 33
| your kids always come first,its not their fault that the relationship between their parents didnt work,why should they be put second in your life when your trying for another relationship.when they grow up they will be the ones taking care of you when your old,would you want them to put you second?JMO
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| 2/6/2008 6:09:17 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
kycountrygrl
Madisonville, KY
age: 32
| my son....and the guy I'm with will have to understand that.
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| 2/6/2008 6:10:54 AM | Who is first ? Your kids or your Love ? | |
fandanny
Cobleskill, NY
age: 45
| children ae first
until they are grown
then its time for me
and who ever!
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