Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?

2/8/2008 10:41:33 PM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
dreambuilder07 Gaithersburg, MD age: 48	With Valentines Day approaching, I am remembering the burdens I have felt in the past to bring romance into the relationship. There was this unspoken duty that was pressed upon me to create the romantic setting -- pamper her like a queen -- plan the romantic getaway -- choose the restraunt -- make the reservation, or try to prepare the nice dinner at home. Openly, I did not do that well. I stumbled and bumbled through most of it, and almost always tried to throw it together at the last minute. I could never get the Salmon fully cooked at the same time the baked sweet potatoes were ready, or keep the mustard vinagrette warm while, the holladaise sauce on the asparagus doesn't burn. All the efforts in the world come crashing down on a meal that doesn't taste good. The burden of feeling responsible to create romance within a relationship has always been a heavy weight for me to carry. How do others handle it? I have heard many times how the sexual encounter begins the morning before with sweet talk that becomes desire way before bedroom stuff ever starts. What are some things that get your mood started?
2/9/2008 1:05:52 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
claypot Lewiston, MI age: 48	IMO, romance is two sided. If the burden is put all on one, then to me, it's not romance. Romance COULD BE 2 people TOGETHER preparing the meal, a little foreplay during, a little food tasting, being fed to each other, candles lite in the back ground along with some agreed upon music. Romance could be running her/him a warm bath then slipping in the tub with them. Or maybe a carpet picinic in the middle of the living room, just being lazy munchin on cheese and crackers, watchin a good movie. Romance is NOT difficult if you have some what of an imagination, and romance DOESN'T have to done over board, if you keep it simple it leaves more time with the person it is directed at. JMO [Edited 2/9/2008 1:06:58 AM]
2/9/2008 5:04:26 PM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
jodibtonfl Sarasota, FL age: 50	find u a woman that doesn't require all that. besides i think when u truly love someone a burger from mcdonalds, a single rose and a few hours alone would do the trick.....
2/9/2008 9:08:45 PM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
chopperbabe Overland Park, KS age: 47	Spontaneous moments are always great. It doesn't have to be anything fancy just knowing that a man is thinking about me is all that matters. It's also not just up to a man to bring romance into a relationship. I use to put sticky notes in my husband lunch box with cute saying about love ... that stopped when he said he mentioned it and rolled his eyes at me. Well I tried
2/10/2008 3:06:15 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
angelsart O Fallon, IL age: 38	Romance.... This subject always makes me laugh! And I'll tell you why! Romance is like common sense! Now... before I go any further with that let me clarify: COMMON SENSE is unique to each person based on their own personal experiences... there really is no "COMMON" sense! The simplest way to demonstrate is to think of a child. To an adult, reaching for that hot stove seems unbelievably stupid and anyone with "COMMON SENSE" would know better, but a child who has never experienced the pain from the burn it's gonna get would not understand the "sense" of it until it was too late. Now... with that said, I feel for you as a man!! lol The problem with "romance" is this: Men don't think like women and women don't think like men!! Bottom line, thats it! Women expect a guy to just "naturally" know what she wants and what is expected. And unfortunately that's not how it works. Once again I find myself referring to nature! Look around at the natural world, at what drives the male species of this planet - SEX! And males will do just about anything to get that (now of COURSE I know there is a bit more to it than that, but just hear me out)... I mean just look at all the stuff you were doing just in HOPES of sex! LOL Women want to be treated like the goddesses they are and rightly so! But a male is only going to dote on a girl so long before he gives up and moves on if he is not REWARDED for his efforts! And unfortunately I think all to often the problem is that instead of using sex as a reward, women often use it as a punishment. BIG MISTAKE!!! Ladies... if you have actually won a guy over enough to get him to commit, that's half the battle, now... honestly it's MOSTLY up to YOU to keep it together! (man am I gonna get flack for this!! LMAO). What I mean by that is this. OUR main motivator is NOT SEX (well, in my case is probably is but that's a different story! hehe) BUT, 9 times out of 10 HIS is!!! Remember this... I mean case in point, how many times have you heard of a relationship breaking up over lack of "FRIENDSHIP"???? So, you MUST do those things HE finds 'romantic', you also have to take into account that MEN are VISUAL creatures... ie, the sexy nities, the nails done, the hair and makeup, unloading him before a nite out with the boys... bla bla bla, TAKE CARE OF YOUR MAN - sexually!!!!!!!! Men... likewise for you! And make no mistake that MOST girls don't really need a whole lot! I think what you did goes above and beyond, and despite the bumbling and last minute plans, for most it's the thought that counts!! For most girls 90% of the "ROMANTIC" stuff is free!! Go by where she works and leave a note on the front seat of her car (add a rose for added affect), come up behind her and kiss her on the nape of the neck while she's cooking your dinner, LISTEN to her, give her flowers/candy for "no reason", just cause it's Wednesday, CLEAN THE HOUSE!!! LOL, look at her with lust (like she's the best thing since sliced bread)... that sort of stuff. Basically BOTH sexes need to think of what the OTHER would want (and you SHOULD know enough about your partner to be able to anticipate what he/she would want... if you just outright don't know... heres and idea.... ASK!!!!!!!!!!! My ex was "CLUELESS" on this matter, so I made him a box with 100 index cards in it.... 75 of them were "free bee's", things I would like that wouldn't cost him a penny! the other 25 were things he'd have to either plan or spend $ on or both. And if you're partner (male of female) is struggling with 'I don't know what YOU find romantic" then I highly recommend a box like this (makes a great valentines gift!! lol).... So... long story short (I know too late! :0).... Don't feel burdened with the sole responsibility of keeping the romance alive... if you love each other you will BOTH gladly do what the other wants (and needs) regardless if its important to you, what matters is that you're doing something for your partner that is important to THEM!!! and you're doing it with LOVE!!! Best of luck and have a great V-day!!
2/10/2008 7:25:45 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
kenb5b01 Northport, WA age: 44	Romance is like common sense! Now... before I go any further with that let me clarify: COMMON SENSE is unique to each person based on their own personal experiences... there really is no "COMMON" sense! Horse Feathers! Sheez….. Please make up yer mind.. Common Sense is the thought process and/or knowledge one would expect a common person the have in relation to common everyday tasks and/or discussion. Since most people have differing concepts of exactly what constitutes romance, common sense doesn’t apply. Once again I find myself referring to nature! Look around at the natural world, at what drives the male species of this planet - SEX! Which species?A dog or a horse has absolutely no instinct or thought of monogamy. Men do. Well at least most do. And males will do just about anything to get that (now of COURSE I know there is a bit more to it than that, but just hear me out)... I mean just look at all the stuff you were doing just in HOPES of sex! Yet another misguided individual who thinks she has it all figured out and is 100% wrong. I, like many men on this site, have been single for years and have abstained from random sex and intimate encounters because I expect more out of a relationship than sex. In fact unless there is a lot more involved than physical attraction, I am not interested in sex. I am likely to avoid the topic of sex in favor of conversation about mutual interest and getting to know a lady better. Women want to be treated like the goddesses they are and rightly so! Any dingy broad who expects to placed on a pedestal and worshiped and treated like a goddess deserves the loneliness she will experience. I suggest that you buy a really short throne cause the fall is gonna cause bruises. But a male is only going to dote on a girl so long before he gives up and moves on if he is not REWARDED for his efforts! And unfortunately I think all to often the problem is that instead of using sex as a reward, women often use it as a punishment. BIG MISTAKE!!! Where do they teach this crap? REWARD? I don’t want any reward. I want honesty, loyalty, companionship, intelligent conversation, trust, and faithfulness from a partnership. I expect most men are looking for the same things. BIG MISTAKE??? Damn straight. It’s always a big mistake when women *USE* sex. Sex isn’t yours, sex is not a thing. Sex is what occurs when two people share of themselves. Unless you’re a prostitute, then I reckon there is a reward. Ladies... if you have actually won a guy over enough to get him to commit, that's half the battle, now... honestly it's MOSTLY up to YOU to keep it together! It’s a good thing this is a free site, cause some of the advice on here isn’t worth a wooden nickel. A relationship requires attention and nurturing every minute of everyday for as long as you want it to last. Anybody who thinks half the battle is over as soon as a man commits, better start packing bags. Cause if a person takes care of themselves and does all the lil things until they get a commitment and then expects it all to be smooth sailing is in for a shock. What I mean by that is this. OUR main motivator is NOT SEX (well, in my case is probably is but that's a different story! hehe) BUT, 9 times out of 10 HIS is!!! How can a person speak for an entire gender and then in the same sentence exempt themselves from the statement? How many people were in that survey? I know damn well nobody asked me what my motivator is. If men were motivated by sex wouldn’t many still be married after their wife cheated? Hell at least he would still be getting laid occasionally.. So, you MUST do those things HE finds 'romantic', you also have to take into account that MEN are VISUAL creatures... ie, the sexy nities, the nails done, the hair and makeup, unloading him before a nite out with the boys... bla bla bla, TAKE CARE OF YOUR MAN - sexually!!!!!!!! You have just won a truck load of used pizza boxes. If sexy lingerie is for men how come it never stays on longer? Sexy lingerie is for women, to make them feel sexy. Hair is gonna get messed up later anyway and a guy has to take a leak occasionally. So brush yer hair, scrap the barn paint and get the hell outta the john. Nothing worse than watering the neighbors tree and waiting in the car while a gal takes a vacation in the john before dinner and a 2 hour movie. Hell, wash your face so yer guy can kiss you, put on one of his shirts and vacuum the floor if you want his attention. Men... likewise for you! And make no mistake that MOST girls don't really need a whole lot! Well after spending my retirement for a throne, a second bathroom and shoe closet she better not want a hell of a lot more cause we aren’t gonna have a lot left... For most girls 90% of the "ROMANTIC" stuff is free!! Go by where she works and leave a note on the front seat of her car (add a rose for added affect), come up behind her and kiss her on the nape of the neck while she's cooking your dinner, LISTEN to her, give her flowers/candy for "no reason", just cause it's Wednesday, CLEAN THE HOUSE!!! Get the hell off yer pedestal and clean the damned house yourself! After working all day to pay for the cable so you can watch soap operas from your throne, the last damn thing a guy is going to do is clean the house. My ex was "CLUELESS" on this matter, so I made him a box with 100 index cards in it.... 75 of them were "free bee's", things I would like that wouldn't cost him a penny! That isn’t romance.. Hell that’s slavery. While reading that I kept expecting to hear you done the same thing for having sex. How does that work now? 100 ways to kiss my ass while I’m on my throne and you’re cleaning the house? Romance isn’t a plan or a scheme, it’s a frame of mind or an attitude. Romance is ordering out when yer meal doesn’t work and spending the night listening to music, cuddling and making out on the couch like you did when you were 16.
2/10/2008 8:55:40 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
gonesailingbabe Des Moines, IA age: 45	OMG! People...if you can't say your opinions in 40 words or less - too many opinions! Stop the madness! Romance is nothing - if you have to force yourself to think about how to do it. MY husband once brought home from the gas station silk panties shaped like a rose. Now anyone who knows me knows this is NOT the ideal gift for me... he could have written a note and stuck it on the frig and would have been great! But give him credit he DID something. It is the thought. Even if you don't have amillion dollars - tell her what you would do for her if you did. And no - it shouldn't be one sided. Valentine's Day isn't Queen for a Day...! If you don't get the love, then you have every right to say - Hey? Sugar what's up???? Lord.
2/10/2008 9:08:52 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
jmamoore Bowling Green, KY age: 46	WOW ken what a come back.
2/10/2008 10:06:05 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
dreambuilder07 Gaithersburg, MD age: 48	Gone -- that was 144 words LOL yes I counted Ken -- thanx for the laugh, a mite harsh though, she made a great try and that was special in it's own rite Angel -- thanx for your input -- I believe it came from your soul. I think the point you and Ken made very clear together is that Men and Women think differently. Gray's Mars and Venus type different thinking
2/10/2008 10:31:04 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
michaelcee Sarasota, FL age: 51	Wasn't a valentine's day thing but it was (some)thing. Wife's birthday was coming up and I had no clue what to give her. I dabble in art so I hand crafted her a pop-up birthday card. (nothing suggestive or anything.... just a nice sweet little card) She threw the thing in my face... called me a cheap bastard and said I was too damn tight to go out and buy her a card Haven't drawn much since that day... and definitely haven't made any birthday cards.
2/10/2008 11:06:13 AM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
cyberangel45 Apalachicola, FL age: 46	michael sorry to hear that she didn't deserve you I would rather have something made for me from the heart that something bought..it means more knowing it's something they created just for you.
2/12/2008 6:07:26 PM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
pmhfln Catlett, VA age: 47	First, it's the effort that counts, it could be burned or raw. It was the thought behind it, that you cared enough to go to the trouble. I think like everything else in a relationship it should be a joint effort. I am a little old fashioned and think the man should make the fist move. But when I am in a relationship I find the biggest turn on for me is a man who treats others well. A gentleman and a manly man all in one package.
2/12/2008 6:31:41 PM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
defiantlyltr Stroudsburg, PA age: 46	OMG! Tom don't you have anything better to do these days than to count words!! IMHO = If you feel there is a need for 'responsibility' in a relationship to keep romance alive then it becomes a chore or duty, like throwing out the garbage. Romance should NEVER become a chore or duty! The two involved, if giving to each other willingly, lovingly, wantingly, should make it a team effort giving and receiving (yes gracious taking is an art) respectfully! How does it work? It doesn't! It shouldn't become a job. If two people are truly in love, ROMANCE is the by-product, the produced outcome!
2/12/2008 7:20:13 PM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
eyeswideopened Huntington Beach, CA age: 43	Why are you doing all the work? Valentine's Day is a two way street! Plan together something you normally do not do. It could be a night out or in...think about it, the possibilities are endless. If this is too complicated then you are with the wrong person! Even if you cook, make something together and that way if I doesn't come out, you have something to laugh about for next year. If you have to initate the romance department too, you definately are with the wrong person. Good Luck!
2/12/2008 9:03:48 PM	Who has the Responsibility for Romance? and How does it work?
cassinigirl Albuquerque, NM age: 49	Hi, dreambuilder. I believe if you feel that burdened when trying to generate some romantic feelings, you are with the wrong person. (Or perhaps you are a perfectionist, and that is what makes it so burdensome.) Maybe you are simply referring to trying to generate the romance for valentine's day. If so, more practice might help - create that romantic setting more often and it gets easier. Generally women also work very hard to generate the right setting and feeling on a regular basis, though for some reason (which I don't really understand) most women do expect the man to create some magic at least 1 day of the year - on valentine's day. Please remember, everyhting does not have to be perfect, it just needs to be specific to your lady friend. And most women find the stumbling and bumbling endearing when we know a man is trying to do something special for us. Relax a little and enjoy it more, and know all of those efforts really are appreciated. Good luck.

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