Forums: Relationships: Honesty thread
2/23/2008 8:50:16 PMHonesty thread 

chimike
Chicago, IL
age: 57

OK, there was/is a thread about what women want most in a man. I read it...probably three quarters of the women said honesty, which is very nice. BUT, hate to play devil's advocate, but, knowing someone is honest takes a lot of time - you can't look at a photo or read a few blurbs and know that they're honest (actually, that photo may not even be of them). SO, my question would be this: what causes you to write to someone on a site like this? Or respond (or not) to their message to you?

2/23/2008 8:56:11 PMHonesty thread 

chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47

I read the forums and can learn a lot about a person from what they post. When searching for a potential mate I am in hopes that they are aware that everyone reads what they write. I've seen tempers flare and people butting heads. How a person deals with those issues are what I watch for as well. After all that then I will be interested. But I watch and I learn.

2/24/2008 12:38:33 PMHonesty thread 

chimike
Chicago, IL
age: 57

ok, this got buried...still curious about this, hopefully will get some response.

2/24/2008 12:52:19 PMHonesty thread 

butterbug
Missoula, MT
age: 28

I argree with you chimike. It takes a lot of time to trust that someone is honest, and for so long ppl have been dishonest to each other, that no one trusts anymore. No one believe a person is honest. So every one should stop shitting on each other and the world would be a better place.....Serisouly shitting on ppl is sick.

2/24/2008 1:00:55 PMHonesty thread 

chimike
Chicago, IL
age: 57

Shutterbug, sorry that you've had such a bad run, evidently. That's not exactly what I meant though - women are looking for honesty, which is good (and men, too, sorry): but, that can't be determined by looking at a profile, so, the question is what makes one person write another - can't be honesty as that can't be determined yet, so what is it? Photo? Common interest? Did they say something funny? What is it?

2/24/2008 1:03:07 PMHonesty thread 

trinagirl
Riverdale, NJ
age: 48

of course cant tell honesty from a profile or emails. that does take time and more time.
what the ladies meant about honesty is after you meet and and get to know someone.
so your not a devils advocate.

to write or reply to someone from a dating site usually isnt too deep. like the photo and maybe something in the description. location can matter too, if dont want to travel 7 hours to meet someone for a coffee. its the live talk (not online chats, mean a real phone conversation or meeting) that starts getting to know the person.
usually dont reply to the no photo emails. usually means their hiding something and i dont like having to ask why no photo, and see what kind of story they come up with.

2/24/2008 1:13:39 PMHonesty thread 

eyeswideopened
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 43

Sad but true, when you read a profile or see a picture, you get a "feel" for the person.
Do they sound interesting? Do they carry themselves well? Do they put a smile on my face? What would my son say if I brought you home? All these come to mind when I read or respond to emails.
With you Mike....you appear attentive and interesting, very approachable. Others are not
so "approachable"

BTW.....THE BEACH RULES ....LOL

2/24/2008 1:23:02 PMHonesty thread 

garnetlady
Cincinnati, OH
age: 48

I never reply or write a potential just because they say they are honest. It is many things in their profile grouped together that would cause me to write them. Or I might write about a comment or question they ask and sometimes I gain a friend that way. With time I get to know them and learn to trust or not. I watch what men say on the forums and decide whether or not I'd even talk to them. With time people usually show their true self. Knowing another is honest does take time...if an interest of the romantic nature does develop you best bet it is something I'm going to look at quite closely. I'm in no hurry........

2/24/2008 1:28:51 PMHonesty thread 

thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34

true chimike,

i'd venture out to say that the majority of the people go for the looks on a person's profile. looks make up a majority of a percentage of whether a person chooses to communicate with someone online. many skim through the profiles and some read the whole profile and make a decision too, but the profile itself doesn't outweigh one's looks in MOST CASES.

you are right, you can't look at a profile to determine one's honesty etc... those are just words. honesty comes from meeting, talking, and getting to a person.

2/24/2008 1:36:47 PMHonesty thread 

eyeswideopened
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 43

A-men Garnetlady...well stated!

2/24/2008 1:52:23 PMHonesty thread 

sensual_latin
Pleasanton, CA
age: 41

chimike, I understand your point, I mean... who doesn't want an honest person, right? Is only logical.

Now to your question of what makes me reply to someone who sent me an email.

Speaking for my self, the only reason I would reply to someone is if there is a ... Physical ATTRACTION... period! which is very rare. (notice I didn't say "looks")

If he has several clear pics on profile and I like what I see, then and ONLY then I click on his profile to read about him, I can tell a lot about the way a person expresses himself in writing and if I feel comfortable with what he said on his profile then I reply.
If profile is empty, then I reply asking him to please get back with me when he's serious and ready to proceed (filled out his profile completely). That's It!

Sure the pic may not be theirs and they can say lies on their profiles, but they can also lie in person too which is why I never meet someone right away, I exchange emails phone calls for weeks or months first to get to know someone enough to get my interest to want to meet him.

But no, I don't look for Honesty on my initial contact as that's impossible to do by just looking at a pic or reading a profile... Honesty comes AFTER we both get to know each other, as those things takes time.

2/24/2008 1:54:00 PMHonesty thread 

oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 46 online now!

To learn if someone is honest, requires giving them the opportunity to lie for convenience, and seeing if they do -- give them enough rope to hang themselves, so to speak.

It should be a given that a desirable partner be honest, kind, generous, etc. But, when someone goes out of their way to claim to have these attributes, it makes me wonder: why do they have to make a point of doing so?

I am attracted to qualities that are less common, and arguably less-desirable in modern society: I like someone quiet, perhaps shy, plain, and who does not focus on finding "fun" in life -- someonme who parties rarely. Some degree of self-deprecation in a profile, so long as it does not seem pathological will impress me a heck of a lot more than someone who is boastful.

Women who brag about their sexual prowess are a particular turn-off for me -- is that all they offer? Yet, we see plenty of this (from both genders) in the fora.

2/24/2008 2:30:14 PMHonesty thread 

bella2020
Lebanon, OH
age: 47

I will try to give u an example. There was a guy I was talking to I thought we had a lot in common .We enjoyed the same activities had alot of the same veiws .I thought well he seems just right. Next step was going to be a phone call to see if we got along. First I looked in his previous post he had posted .Well Well he had told alot of women the very same thing he told me. Some he even said nicer things and seemed more intrested in them .Well this might just be me whatever but that was a red flag. I guess it definatly lost my interest.He was not intrested in my profile or me he was intrested in any girls picture or profile .I think kinda this Dh is mostly just for freinds to get together to talk.Not to meet someone.If someone on here is really intrested in me and my profile they wouldnt be telling everyone the very same thing. I hope this is making sense and I would only tell the person that I thought we had the same veiws .Thats part of honesty you can tell but sometimes its hard .That was definatly a turn off to me.And I have looked at other mens previous post. Tells you alot in what kinda of person they are

2/24/2008 2:33:00 PMHonesty thread 

chimike
Chicago, IL
age: 57

Agree with you, oldschool....if someone feels the need to show off what they have in these photos, that is not what I'm looking for and is more of a turnoff. It's not like they're private or anything. And thanks to all who took the time to respond...the beach, huh, eyes......I'll take a divey little club with some great music!

2/24/2008 2:35:25 PMHonesty thread 

chimike
Chicago, IL
age: 57

See what you mean, Bella...guess you can delve into the forums to see more about a person. But, hey, if they come see you they can at least take you on the Easter Bunny train ride, no???


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