| 2/24/2008 11:55:11 AM | Was I too rash? | | mljsnowbunny
Claremont, NH
age: 47
| some people pretend online when they are being flirtatious in these open chats, it is an easy release for them. But what they say and do in e-mail ahd PIM's are different I think.
foxy I will take you up on that cup of coffee
| | 2/24/2008 12:10:54 PM | Was I too rash? | | 
yunvs
Columbus, OH
age: 35
| u jumped to soon, what is harmless flirting got to do with you quiet personality sounds like you liked her enough to phone her and she liked you enough to try to make it right i think she did nothing wrong, you may have broke her heart and lost an oppertunity with a great person
| | 2/24/2008 12:22:35 PM | Was I too rash? | | ldt
Houma, LA
age: 42
| I wonder, did you tell her of your thoughts on openly flirting in forum. I'm assuming she was doing this before you started speaking, so you already knew that she like to play in forum, soooo I don't get it. why start talking with someone that you knew you'd try to change...
| | 2/24/2008 1:12:09 PM | Was I too rash? | | 
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 47
| It wasn't her flirting that bothered me. I didn't think any less of her. But, my past experience is that people who openly flirt would find me very dull and boring. My interests are more cerebral, and I do not take compliments about my appearance well because I don't think appearance matters nearly as much as character.
I only noticed her preoccupation with sexual practices and paraphenelia after she initiated contact, we emailed back and forth, and spoke once. As I became more interested, I thought a deeper analysis of her on-line comments would be in order, and I was taken aback. She also expressed a desire for attributes in a partner that I do not posess.
It just didn't seem like a good fit: I am reserved and like to take a relationship slowly, starting with a basis in friendship. Either she was just looking to "hook up", in which case we'd be a poor match, or she had a "pretend persona" online... in which case we'd be a poor match: I just don't get the "nun IRL, wench online" bit (paraphrasing). I represent myself honestly, would hope others do as well, and don't think I'd be a good match for someone who doesn't or who "pretends".
What bothers me is that she seems to be taking this rather badly, far too badly for how little we communicated, in my opinion.
Of course I liked her, as much as one can like someone they've only spoken to once. But, I try to listen to my head in these matters.
[Edited 2/24/2008 1:14:11 PM]
| | 2/24/2008 2:09:52 PM | Was I too rash? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 47
| Thanks for all the feedback. I suppose next time, I shall have to wait a bit longer before making a decision to end a potential relationship.
| | 2/24/2008 2:14:58 PM | Was I too rash? | | 
potentiallove
Tustin, CA
age: 46
| Mr. Oldeschoolcharm,
It's OK to feel jealous,
It's OK to feel insecure,
It's OK to have territory issues,
It's OK to feel something else, etc.
BUT
Give the another person the benefits of doubt.
Don't be so much tight, lighten up.
The time will prove that she has some innocence left.
She offered to back off. But your male pride/ego was too high to listen to her.
Communication is essential.
And by the way, did noticed that she did not put more stuffs that you don't like anymore since the incident.
Nothing is lost yet. You still can regret and can change your mind and make it up with her.
You see, she has mediation skills. At least it's something.
REMINDER:
You are smart and very articulate, etc. It's a GIANT turn on for me.
Mr. Maybe,
Don't be afraid to be happy (hint, hint)
And it's OK if you disagree with what I said above, but it's your call and loss.
Hey, you take water to the horse, but you cannot make the horse drinking. Unless forcing the water down his throat.
Oh well, life is paradox and not fair.
[Edited 2/24/2008 2:28:59 PM]
| | 2/24/2008 2:32:15 PM | Was I too rash? | |
potentiallove
Tustin, CA
age: 46
| To Mr. yunys,
You go boy.
Give me the FIVES
[Edited 2/24/2008 2:33:11 PM]
| | 2/24/2008 2:39:02 PM | Was I too rash? | | gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 45
| I think I mentioned before in your other thread. I think you jumped to conclusions rashly and I think you were unfair in your judgements. I still think you should make amends...but if you don't you don't.
Do what you feel is right.
| | 2/24/2008 2:46:12 PM | Was I too rash? | | 
garnetlady
Cincinnati, OH
age: 48
| I think that sometimes people are more flirtatious online than they would be in person. Reading the posts I'm hoping that others say things just to "fit in". Maybe that was the case with her. When you mentioned her posts etc she may have gone back and re-read and was horrified at what she saw. If one man saw things the way you did, certainly there were more who felt the same, thus her wanting to delete. Seems she may have truly liked you, the reason for taking it so hard. I would judge more on her private conversations with you.
| | 2/24/2008 3:21:24 PM | Was I too rash? | |
potentiallove
Tustin, CA
age: 46
| To Oldeschoolcharm:
Mr. Charm and Hesitant,
Stop hesitating, life is too short. Smell the flowers. Swallow your pride. Come forward: IF DOUBT, TAKE HER. Why not? Are you risk taker? Maybe she has premium insurance. (Giggling!!!!)
| | 2/24/2008 3:21:29 PM | Was I too rash? | | skypoetone
Lincolnshire
United Kingdom
age: 56
| Being flirtatious is healthy enough; it only becomes a problem when you don't know how to deal with it, both for the would-be partner doing it and the other witnessing the same. Here on a dating site we get involved with each other over the forums, jest and wink some... we have friends pasted onto our profiles, it's all as it should be, so where's the harm in that?
Take it all in the heart that it was created... to feel you belong. Trust is something to be earned... it's not readily given imo. 
| | 2/24/2008 3:23:04 PM | Was I too rash? | |
potentiallove
Tustin, CA
age: 46
| To skypoetone:
Give me FIVES.
You go boy.
| | 2/24/2008 4:03:05 PM | Was I too rash? | | skypoetone
Lincolnshire
United Kingdom
age: 56
| ^^^awww... thank u!
| | 2/24/2008 5:00:48 PM | Was I too rash? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 47
| Gee, about a 50/50 split. I was hoping this would be a bit more one-sided in one direction or the other. All these results confirm is my uncertainty. Again, thanks for the feedback though. It seems I have more thinking to do.
| | 2/25/2008 1:20:57 PM | Was I too rash? | | jangel53
Brampton, ON
age: 55
| You know I was corresponding with a really great guy, he said in his profile he only wanted to be friends b/c he was crushed from a recent relationship ending. I became extremely attracted to him once I started talking on line with him, and we mutually connected emotionally very quickly & he acknowledged that.Remember we never met in person ever & all this went down I was shocked. In 1 letter he became very angry, accusing me of things I think he experienced in his last relationship, like it wasn't about my personality at all. He stated,I was trying to get him to date me, scheme, & trick him, he kinda snapped & freaked out saying I was pushing him to have feelings & he couldn't offer anything more. I tried to tell him I respected him & wouldn't do that to anyone. What I learned is although we are both sincere & loving, different people have individual pace that is sensitive to change. My error was I had responded to his feelings rather than the words he was professing. Some people cannot make themselves available for relationship even if it is what they say they want & need.(mixed signallers)but also I work in ER & am aware of my ability to size up people, decisions,& situations very quickly, he was a farmer accustomed to 4 months of watching a harvest mature, too slow for me. Lessons learned, don't want to scare or hurt anyone, I am very respectful of all people,just know what I like & go for it. My heart is transparent no barriers when I love. Many people have so many protectors on their heart it is a wonder they can speak to anyone at all let alone know what they feel & share what is in their heart. Be Happy
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