Forums: Relationships: Separated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference?
2/28/2008 12:34:03 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

cedartan
Waterloo, IA
age: 57

I expect to be divorced within the next 12 months. As it is at the moment, though, I'm separated and have lived in a different city than my "ex" for three years.

We drifted apart, there was not an inciting incident that led to the split. So, we remain cordial though forever and permanently apart. A sort of inertia is at work here I think, explaining why we haven't proceeded with divorce, both busy as heck with careers. That, and a shared financial interest (seeing both sons into college, paying for health insurance, and so on).

I am committed to full disclosure, openness and honesty (in my opinion) required for any sort of sound relationship, so I list myself here as separated. I will not change that.

I'm curious about how those who are single and those who are separated react when they read a profile from a separated rather than from a single/divorced member here. Care to share thoughts about whether or not separated persons should or should not join this site?

Thanks much.

2/28/2008 12:37:45 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

57rickie
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 57

As long as you aren't under the same roof anymore, and have NO Plans on returning to the marriage, an EX is an EX.

2/28/2008 8:48:19 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

dancinglynx
Reedsburg, WI
age: 44

Well I've been seperated for 7 & 1/2 years. Neither me or my ex can afford a divorce. We both agreed that a snowball in hell would have a better survival rate than he & I gettin back together. We've both moved on, he's got his girlfriends, I've had my boyfriends. I haven't had any problems with anyone I've talked to here & my profile does list me as seperated.

2/28/2008 8:52:22 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

southbuster
Haughton, LA
age: 31

You will find that people will lable you with whatever they THINK you are anyway.......It matters none that they personally dont know you.......if your a shadow and aint got a picture they "asume" your some cheater they dont realize some of us havent a clue how to even use a scanner or turn it on. You cant assume someone is a bad person before you know them and thier situation if your that damn scary of people maybe you should'n try internet dating

2/28/2008 9:20:47 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46

All I know is a friend of mine who lives in another state said women wouldn't have anything to do with him until he changed the word "separated" to "divorced" on his profile.

2/28/2008 9:34:23 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

katiescarlett72
Justin, TX
age: 35

Separated doesn't work for me. It isn't that I automatically think they're cheating or trying to pull something, I don't have a clue if they are or not. I am just not interested in embarking on a relationship with a man who is still legally bound to another woman.

2/28/2008 9:41:24 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

s83biker
Arvada, CO
age: 48

Hey katiescarlett72, I'm divorced! It was final on the 4th of Jule 2006! And was seperated from her greedy sorry ass for a year before that, Hell you could eveb ask her if you want to.SHe is the one who found a new BFF while we where still married. I was in the hospital recovering from a heart attack when she told me. I'll I could say was WTF?

2/28/2008 9:45:03 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

eyeswideopened
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 43

Your honesty is noble, however, I would personally move along.

You yourself are stating nothing but excuses for the seperation. They are just that...excuses. You should be responsible and share the same responisbilities that you are now just as easily as being divorced.

I look at it as though you are keeping your options opened and need something or someone to fall back on if things don't go right.

Just my opinion.

2/28/2008 10:02:27 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47

Separated still means you are legally married. Divorced is divorced. A few people tend to shy away from people who are separated and not divorced. There is always a chance that you might return to your spouse and those who might get involved would feel that they wasted their time when you really wanted to go back to your spouse. I was told that a few times when I was waiting on my 1st divorce so I waited until the court said it was final.

2/28/2008 10:05:45 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 47

I agree with chopper

2/28/2008 10:09:22 PMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

daddyduck
Splendora, TX
age: 54

Tuff question, if a marriage is over it's over, if it's just a legal marriage, I know people who have never been "legally" married but have a comittment stronger than any court paper. Be up front and tell it like it is, then you both can make the decission. It ain't leagal to speed either but if my kid needs to get to the hospital, I'll worry about legal later

2/29/2008 1:00:11 AMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

jw9t69
Medical Lake, WA
age: 39

It is a just matter of opinion. Some think it is, some think it isn't. There are two states between me and my ex(separated not divorced yet). We are both on DH. It really comes down to the people involved. In my profile I state that I am separated and that I am looking for friendship first. I am not just looking for a hookup. I believe that any relationship that is going to last has to begin with that. Just my 2 cents.

2/29/2008 1:01:43 AMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

onelife2live
Janesville, WI
age: 43

A case by case basis.

2/29/2008 1:03:01 AMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

onelife2live
Janesville, WI
age: 43

I tend to agree with Chopper............again.

2/29/2008 1:10:22 AMSeparated vs. Divorced -- Does it make a big difference? 

belladreams
Binghamton, NY
age: 38

Well i have a different opinion, oh wowwww miabella has a different opinion, watch the sparks fly. Separted is one thing, and God knows that i do not date married men, that is a big NO NO NO NO NO out of the picture get away from me, and stay away!!!!!!!!!!! Now on the other hand, if both parties are LEGALLY separated and it is legitimate by a lawywer/attorney and court of law and it is headed for divorce and we are making our way to sign those lovely papers, then i can say okay, i will bend just a little bit, because people use separated a little different. Just because you live in a different house than your wife, does not mean you are LEGALLY separated. You are still legally married. You need to be legally separted, making your way to a divorce. I believe that is okay with the catholic church, but the catholic church has made so many changes since then, i would have to call a priest for heavens sake. so yea, i would bend the rules, but i would not go any further as i would feel awkward as hell.


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