| 2/28/2008 8:08:15 PM | What would you do????? | |
blond227
Nottingham, MD
age: 54
| I have a very close friend who means the world to me. He grew up down the street from my moms house. He was really close friend of my brothers back then. My entire family thinks the world of him. I have never known a person quite like this before. He is almost saintly. Now I know alot of you are thinking thats a bit much but you would have to know this person to know what I am talking about. We have remained friends through the years. He has always been here for me and my entire family. When my mom was still alive, she could call on him for just about anything and he was always there. Somehow through the years he fell in love with me. When he told me this I was deeply touched. I do love this man with all my heart, however I am not in love. I love him like a brother. He asked me to marry him and I had to say no. I have always been honest with him about my feelings for him. Then I see that hurt look in his eyes and it breaks my heart. I even suggested that maybe it would be better for him if he didn't come around for awhile. So he could move on with his life. His responce is always that he would rather stay my friend than nothing at all. I don't want to loose this person as my friend but at the same time in no way do I want to hurt him. If I had the power to make myself fall in love with this man I would do it in a heart beat. He would treat me like gold, he already does and were just friends. Now keep in mind that this someone who has been a part of my family since I was a kid. I find it very hard to date other people when he comes around. he has stopped by before when I have had a date here at my home. It's that look on his face that just tares me up inside. I know it sounds crazy but it has effected my life. I feel guilty inside knowing how he feels about me. I have never known the right way to handle this. To be honest with him is all I know. He is truely one in a millon. I wish I could feel differently but I can't.  
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| 2/28/2008 8:15:43 PM | What would you do????? | |
superdave077
Crete, IL
age: 31
| Dont know what to tell you on that one. But you seem very sincere and im sure youll make the right decisions.
good luck to you
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| 2/29/2008 5:48:47 AM | What would you do????? | |
eagle2008
Lancaster, OH
age: 48
| I am not trying to be mean in saying this, but maybe YOU should tell him not to come around for awhile so that YOU can get on with your life. If he truely wishs to be friends with you he will be.
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| 2/29/2008 6:27:31 AM | What would you do????? | |
eddyo57
Davis, IL
age: 57
| Thats a tough one. You can never go wrong by telling someone the truth. If he truly cares for you ,he will get over it and move on.
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| 2/29/2008 7:13:03 AM | What would you do????? | |
blond227
Nottingham, MD
age: 54
| Thank for your input. I thought that too. It's been five years now since he has told me of his feelings. As for the suggestion from the other gentlemen. I have tried that. I didn't see him for two months. Then he called me and said that he wanted to be my friend and could except that fact that I was not in love with him and please don't just shut him out of my life. If with was just someone I had not known all that long. I would feel badly for them but it would be alot easier. Thats not the case here. His family has passed away and really has no one as far as family. He has always been so close with my family. That I guess in someways we feel like his family and vise versa. I guess it sounds like it would be a simple thing to solve but it really is not!!!!
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| 2/29/2008 11:28:14 AM | What would you do????? | |
trailsman
Akron, OH
age: 48
| I can read between the lines.Quit lying to yourself.Grap a hold of one of the good ones.There's not many of them around and It sounds like you are in love with him and you're afraid to hurt him if it doesn't work out but all youre doing is the both of you.
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| 2/29/2008 11:29:56 AM | What would you do????? | |
trailsman
Akron, OH
age: 48
| hurting sorry
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| 2/29/2008 12:48:51 PM | What would you do????? | |
blond227
Nottingham, MD
age: 54
| I truely am not in love with him. I know the difference from loving someone and being in love. You can love some one with all your heart but if there is no chemistry it could never work. Believe me when I say I would have married him by now if that kind of feeling were there.What I felt for my husband is completely different. I was very much in love with him. No one knows really what it is that makes us fall in love. I would grab him up in a New York second if I felt that way. I think part of the problem is that I have known him for so long growing up that I don't look at him in that way. He feels to much like family to me now and I can't get past that. I do realize that men like him are few and far between. I loved being married and I really don't care that much for single life. So if I were in love I would not be afraid to to marry him. I guess to some it may sound like I'm fooling myself but thats not the case. I wish it were. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me
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| 3/1/2008 2:58:43 PM | What would you do????? | |
pureisle
Ellicott City, MD
age: 51
| Ask him to call before coming over so that you can decide when the time is right. If he asks you why tell him that you feel uncomfortable when he's around your dates.
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| 3/1/2008 6:43:42 PM | What would you do????? | |
eroticartist
White Plains, NY
age: 49
| You did the right thing by telling him that. Of course it hurts him but he has to understand that maybe he should move away or find someone else
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| 3/2/2008 2:11:26 AM | What would you do????? | |
shenandoahgirl
South Burlington, VT
age: 52
| Blond,
It sure is a tough predicament.It reminds me of Bonnie Raitt's song I can't make you love me.That used to be my theme song.It still makes me cry.I've been in his shoes and the only thing that worked for me was moving 5,000 miles away.I did eventually come back but we still do not have contact.It is sad but keep on being true to yourself.
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| 3/2/2008 3:11:14 AM | What would you do????? | |
bevyea
Sanger, TX
age: 55
| Blonde,
It can work. You did the right thing being honest with him. Now you need to set the ground rules for the continued friendship.
My suggestion is to make a list of do's and dont's either written or verbal. You need to be honest with yourself about this list and don't be afraid to put down all of your thoughts. Then meet with him and TELL him how the relationship between you is going to be...REALLY...or you need to block him out of your life.
If he cooperates on the list then you could make play date appointments...I know sounds silly. If you give him a specific date every month for you guys to go out, something simple, dinner, movie, play, then he may work with you.
You're caught in a real hard position to deal with, ya know? I BELIEVE HE IS BORDERING ON STALKING YOU ! I found it intrusive on his part to show up at your place when you had a date. Most people, male or female, would not intrude out of respect. Really, you know that but are just ignoring the bad behavior because you don't want to hurt his feelings.
You need really need to quit being the NICE GAL and understand he isn't being the FRIEND you think he is, he is not showing you the respect he should.
I've been there and this has worked for me...every now and then they'll get off track so I go back to my list and tell them...."remember we discussed this...blah, blah, blah."
Hope you can work through this or you'll need to send him packing for your own privacy.
....just my opinion for what it's worth!
Bev
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| 3/2/2008 6:55:10 AM | What would you do????? | |
eroticartist
White Plains, NY
age: 49
| Blonde, I felt the exact same way about a woman I'll never see again. I chose to walk away for my own heart and sanity and to move on with my life. If she were still here I would do anything for her but I knew I had to move on with my life. I do always cherish her friendship and love
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| 3/2/2008 7:41:13 AM | What would you do????? | |
winesong
Bend, OR
age: 88
| I would not post this in the introductions....
I would post this in the RELATIONSHIPS section...
you will receive additional creative thoughts in that area from members.
Good luck, with meeting someone new on DH
We welcome you...
Wine
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| 3/2/2008 9:19:57 AM | What would you do????? | |
eroticartist
White Plains, NY
age: 49
| I would post this anywhere you thought viable
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