| 3/1/2008 8:58:41 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
fairlady1958
Dayton, OH
age: 50
|  OK...I've been through 2 divorces and a few broken relationships. Experienced a 'broken heart' one TOO many times. I'm dating a guy (5 months) due to our work schedule conflicts and distance I see him only ONE day a week. Although I miss him, Im ok with it for now. I know he has feelings for me but he just won't open up. I've had some issues with codependency but working very hard at NOT being dependent because Ive learned men hate clingy, whiney, pushie women and I would really like for things to work out for us. Im almost 50, good job, how can I get him to trust me and know Im NOT like the others with out him feeling I am being pushy???? Im very open with my feelings so its hard to know how HE feels.
We talk and seem to get along great, but due to a bad experience with an ex (pushin, stalkin, etc) he won't tell me where he lives, he said when the time is right, he will tell me. Its really not THAT biga deal, but bothers me alittle. Do I continue to follow my heart, be patient with him and in time things will change? Gosh this is so hard to do...
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| 3/1/2008 9:12:05 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
jules35
Quincy, IL
age: 35
| Are you positive he's not married? It would concern me that he won't tell you where he lives AND has so little time to spend with you. I know you want to follow your heat but you have to use your head too. That's not being whiny or pushy just aware. JMO
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| 3/1/2008 9:15:16 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
magtag
East York, ON
age: 41
| I truly can't say without knowing you/him and the relationship, but if he's unwilling to tell you where he lives after 5 months, alarm bells would be going off for me. Are you sure he's single?
I had an experience with someone who gave me the speil regarding stalking etc from an ex...truth was, she really did stalk him and did everything possible to make his life miserable...BUT...I am NOT her! And, the truth was, he was NOT over this woman, which is why she stalked him...he left doors open, played the game with her and HE was stalking HER as well!!
You are also NOT the ex this man is speaking of. By now if he is unable to know you well enough to entrust you with his place of residence, he's either still in a relationship or still nowhere near over his ex...either way, not a good scene for you.
JMO, I think you're possibly setting yourself up here to be hurt again. You need to find someone who is emotionally secure and stable and ready for a relationship or you are going to end up in the same old patterns. Good Luck! And stay safe.
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| 3/1/2008 9:26:16 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
fairlady1958
Dayton, OH
age: 50
| I honestly do believe he's single. I've been to the town where he lives to see him, just not to WHERE he lives. He apparently rents a room from an older couple that does not allow 'overnight' guests, so as much as I don't like it, we stay in a hotel room for that night. Most of the time he comes to my house. He calls me all the time and sometimes we have very long conversations... guess i'll sit back and wait and see what happens next.
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| 3/1/2008 9:35:30 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
temp46
Lake City, TN
age: 46
| I agree with Maytag, after 5 months I would be looking at a much closer relationship than what you describe, different work hours or not.
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| 3/1/2008 9:40:49 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
eyeswideopened
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 43
| The dude is married! Someone that is not honest to begin with definately is hiding something. Do yourself a favor and let this one go.
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| 3/1/2008 10:13:02 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
luvzhugz12
Richardson, TX
age: 42
| Honestly this does not sound like a relationship that will have a good outcome. I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh, but he lives with an older couple that don't allow overnight visitors? Previously been stalked? Busy schedule that only gives him one night a week? I'm sorry, but this one has too many red flags not to call it.
Good luck
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| 3/1/2008 10:20:20 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
teaurtei
Payne, OH
age: 41
| For once I agree with you differentguy. I think there's something in the water out here in Ohio. Of course, as her date pointed out it is not just the men, but the women around here that have issues as well and make rejoining the dating circuit and other social scenes very difficult for those of us who are actually seeking to meet others.
Back to the question at hand though. Maybe he lives with his parents and is afraid to tell you or is respecting their privacy as well, however 5 months does seem like a long time to me to not open up even a little. Only you can know what's in your heart. If you believe it's worth the wait, then wait. You'll have less regrets and no one else to blame if you're the one to finally make those decisions. It does sound like both of you are making an effort and it's really great to hear you've overcome several big obstacles already. Communication remains the key to most things.
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| 3/1/2008 10:30:40 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
fairlady1958
Dayton, OH
age: 50
| teaurtei thanks for ur honesty. I do want to wait this out, at least alittle while longer. I will NOT continue to put up with the secrecy forever. He's opened up about so many other facets of his life including being adopted so I just feel I want to try and give things alittle bit of time. A man wants and needs to be respected and that is what I am tryin to do.. BUT I do understand what others are saying about looking for the 'red flags'. He's always been honest, always called when he said he was gonna, comes faithfully to see me.. more than I can say for SOME OF THE MEN i've met. the sagga continues................
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| 3/1/2008 11:00:56 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
teaurtei
Payne, OH
age: 41
| It sounds like you're dealing with several VERY big issues and I have to say you are an extremely rare and wonderful soul to take these on with so much compassion and understanding. He actually sounds like a decent guy overall. I really hope everything works out for the best.
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| 3/1/2008 11:05:35 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47
| 5 months and he won't tell you were he lives??? Sounds suspicious to me. If he's that private then perhaps he doesn't need a girlfriend. I think you've been too patient and letting him control the relationship. Too many hidden things here that would not do well with me if I were with him.
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| 3/1/2008 11:11:12 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
fairlady1958
Dayton, OH
age: 50
| this is what one guy told me in another post about my situation.... so I'm not all that bad for takin things slowly....
Well, i think sometimes you have to be patient with him. He may not always know how to say what he really wants to say, until he is ready. Sometimes you have to be cool,calm and collective. If you push him in a corner your going to keep him from opening up. Let him come to you.
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| 3/1/2008 11:17:09 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47
| Sorry but 5 months is way too long. Everyone has their issues and keeping things all to one self without expressing your feelings is putting a wall in the relationship. My opinion is that he isn't ready for a relationship til he gets over some of his issues. It is control that I see and I've lived with people controlling me all my life - family, X spouses, people who I thought were my friends, etc.
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| 3/1/2008 11:27:07 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
livengood40
Mount Juliet, TN
age: 40
| trust your hart,that what matters most
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| 3/1/2008 11:57:25 AM | LOVE and CO-DEPENDENCY - not tryin to push | |
fairlady1958
Dayton, OH
age: 50
| thanks livengood40... its nice to see there are others out there that believe in having alittle bit of faith in the situation.
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