| 3/7/2008 2:06:41 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | msrideordie
Cocoa, FL
age: 23
| yes i feel the same way!and i didn't ask this question just putting it on men i know it goes both ways!i also feel that if a guy can walk away from a chick just because she has kids that their are f**kin punk!and i eel the same way about a women that does that!!!! 
| | 3/7/2008 2:07:02 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | italianman30
Sacramento, CA
age: 30
| really i have a kid i dont run but been there hunny i understand
| | 3/7/2008 2:27:43 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 47
| i also feel that if a guy can walk away from a chick just because she has kids that their are f**kin punk!and i eel the same way about a women that does that!!!!
Funny. I've had women around my age break off relationships with me because they could not handle the fact that I have young kids (7 & 14), even though they live with their mother most of the time (though my daughter has expressed a desire to live with me more of the time). I was glad for their upfront honesty and moved on. Disappointed, perhaps, but not angry the way you seem to be.
Accepting someone else's kids is a big responsibility. Many men, of any age, will simply reject them as "someone else's spawn" that they should have no responsibility for. They are part of your "baggage", as is your ex, their father.
I tell a close female friend of mine, who wants to know how to be sure if a guy is really into her: when he loves you, your pets, your kids, your whole life. Not tolerates, but actually loves it all. That's what it's going to take, and, unfortunately, not many men your age will want to step up to that plate. Consider it a blessing because it means a lot of a-holes will sooner run from you than lie to you. (But not all, so be wary.)
It takes a lot to become involved with a woman with kids. You have to accept the way both parents are involved with them. You are an "outsider". If their dad doesn't step up to the plate, you have to support their mom, and set an example of a male role model consistent with her beliefs. Kids aren't responsible for who their parents are. If I'm dating someone, and one of her children has a birthday, or it's Christmas, of course, I provide a present. Not doing so because they aren't "mine" is childish and petty. Maybe the kid's mom and I can pool resources for a gift the kid really wants but neither can afford alone. Maybe the kid's dad can chip in too! One or two f'n days a year to make a child happy isn't going to bankrupt anyone.
It requires a lot of maturity to be in such relationships, and I seriously doubt most 20-something guys are up to the challenge. When it comes to women, and their ex's, a lot of young men are little more than testosterone-driven teritorial animals.
Sitkarains hit upon an important point: do you want a man or need one? Because no man will put up with a woman that just needs one.
| | 3/7/2008 2:59:02 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
pichick712
Brookhaven, PA
age: 50
| Maybe because u are only 23 and men who are 23 are still out having fun and partying. As you get older that does change.
| | 3/7/2008 3:05:14 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
virgomomof1
Brunswick, ME
age: 36
| pichick, my thoughts exactly. ditto that.
| | 3/7/2008 3:51:02 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
lost_in_albany
Albany, GA
age: 34
| In a Darwinian view, a guy spending his energy on someone elses offspring leaves him with less to spend on his own offspring. In a survival of the fittest kind of world, that is just not genetically wise.
Me? I really don't care if she has kids or not. I have a son myself. Now, I don't want a woman like the one that lived in the shoe but, a few kids wouldn't deter me from dating her.
""my kids are good kids". Yeah right."
My Mom was more like "Hey, Have I told you about our son Lost? Yep, He's about as smart as a load of bricks! Next year, when he starts 5th grade, they might let him start using a fork! Oh no, it's alright, he always chews on his books and growls at the mirror. Ah,who loves Mommy's little monster?". That was the night I bit her and she got rabies. Next time Dad told her to take me to the vet for my shots, she didn't hesitate!
lost_in_albany
(Now available in SOBOR!)
[Edited 3/7/2008 3:52:31 PM]
| | 3/7/2008 5:11:47 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
eyeswideopened
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 43
| My question to you that you left out is....how many kids do you have and how old are they?
Just a question
| | 3/7/2008 5:15:34 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
evileddy
Ottawa, ON
age: 35
| sitkarains is THE exception to my rule.
| | 3/7/2008 5:21:49 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | hello121282
Queens Village, NY
age: 24
| Eddie honey just keep in mind you could be that person one day!!
| | 3/7/2008 5:25:19 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | outofreach
Cleveland, TN
age: 52
| not everyone is cut out to be a parent in their early 20's, especially to someone else's kids...its a difficult job!! you can't blame them for being honest...
and getting defensive isn't helpful either...jmo...
| | 3/7/2008 5:26:51 PM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
happiman
Minneapolis, MN
age: 45
| do you think maybe it's the men you are talking to?
I love kids and would welcome any kids in a new relationship with open arms
| | 3/8/2008 10:32:33 AM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
irparis39
New York, NY
age: 49
| I agree with 'Oldschool', a guy whose older may be better suited to dating a girl with 3 kids. "Maybe".
Most guys in their 20s, well, you know, they can understand 1 kid at 23, but 3 makes you a statistic to the point that you don't seem to practice birth control very well, and they're not going to take a chance you're going to "oops" on them. My brother has always dated older women for a reason, he's never wanted kids. In dating older women, it assured him that they were done with either rearing children or having them, so reproducation was taken care of. He's been dating older women since he was 18. Now that he's 46, he dates women his age or so because he knows he definitely will not have to worry about the "oops".
Guys in their 20s, well...you know what...they have a choice. If all you have to bring to the table is 3 kids and not a whole lot of time, the guys know they will be the ones who will get chafed because basically if you're an exceptional mother, your kids come first...therefore, its "see ya, wouldn't want to be with ya". The 20s are for having fun, traveling, partying...its too bad you didn't see far enough ahead before having 3 kids, but now you can't whine about the fact that guys don't want to date you, you weren't that "punk'd" as you put it, to really think that guys would still date you, did you...YOU choose to have 3 kids. And if they are from different fathers, you're screwed because that's like a double whammy. The guys are choosing not to date you, they have every right to make that choice for themselves, just as you made the choice to have 3 kids...like my aunt used to say, "once you have a kid, your previous life as you knew it, is over, its not about you anymore".
Wow, I think I'm seeing new meaning in this saying...the old are wiser, I'll ya.
Paris
| | 3/8/2008 10:37:20 AM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
drumrman
Belmont, MA
age: 43
| i love kids (being one myself). i have dated women who have kids, and for me, it's never been an issue. if i like their mom, y wouldn't i like the kids? it is more work for the relationship. but if you're serious about the woman, then that's u have to do. besides, kids nowadays have some pretty cool toys. mom might get jealous though! 
LOL
| | 3/8/2008 11:02:54 AM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
smokeslow
Keansburg, NJ
age: 53
| say ,most men here have had kids already,raised them,i had 2 sons,and possibly have grand kids,i have 5,so i persanaly,do=not care to have anymore,no offence meant at all!   and yes ,i give to 'feed the children'       
[Edited 3/8/2008 11:16:43 AM]
| | 3/8/2008 11:05:47 AM | what's wrong with u men? | | 
stella23
Lake Jackson, TX
age: 47
| Consider yourself blessed if men run away at the mention of kids. If you have children and you hook up with a man who 'doesn't do kids' you are in for nothing but hell and your kids are in the same bad situation. Keep your children as The Love of Your Life. If you meet someone who loves and respects kids, that's great - but it's a bonus. Bonuses are meant to follow the devotion and time you've already spent living an honorable life taking care of your children. I speak from experience.
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