Forums: General Discussion: I write poems..do you like this one?
3/15/2008 8:31:24 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

blonde73fairy
Clarksville, TN
age: 35

The Girl

She hides behind her smile
as if her life isn’t worth the while
There she is standing with tears in her eyes,
The Girl who would rather wear a disguise
Then be seen by the neighbor
She gets up every morning to take care of her four
Smiles at them and loves them and watches them say good-bye
As they head out the door.
She’s the girl we see in the checkout lines, at the bank, even at the mall,
You often see her all alone.
She’s The Girl we pass everyday
She's the Girl always staring at the wall,
She's the one we often see along the way,
The one who often hides behind her smile
So we don't see her cry.
She's the girl who just once wishes
someone would say HI.

Revised by Tonya March 10, 2008



I have tons and they get published in the National Poetry but no money but I enjoy sharing them.
Have a good day.

3/15/2008 8:38:30 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

lainey285
Belington, WV
age: 43

I liked your poem. It was good but sad. Sometimes I just say hello to anyone. It lifts their spirits and you may make a new friend. We just need to reach out to people sometimes.

3/15/2008 9:10:42 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

jasmom
Quincy, IL
age: 35

I like it. It's great that you have such a creative outlet.

3/16/2008 1:51:46 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

twohawks
Bothell, WA
age: 69 online now!

Excellent writing! I do a little poetry myself. I like to do short, funny ones:

GAS PRICES:
In the good old days a dollars worth of gas would last a week.
And it will today providing that your lighter doesn't leak.

THE WORD ORANGE:
When I think of the time it...took me to rhyme it....I couldn't!

SEX:
Sex is fun and sex is neat and sex is really hard to beat.
Without it where would mankind be? It wouldn't!

PANTHERS:
When you see a Panther charge...find yourself a rock that's large.
Better yet...when charged by a Panther....don't anther!

3/16/2008 2:28:18 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
age: 60

HI--I just wanted to say HI because your poem is quite right--we don't take the time to say HI as we move around through the day. There are people who don't even hold a door anymore--they are just to rude and self absorbed. Saying HI and acknowledging other people does feel good--it only takes a second to say HI and maybe--HOW YA DOIN? It starts that snowball roliing and we know how that snowball can gather snow and get bigger. Everybody has some stuff in their life--it is really easy to ignore people and race around---BUT it is also easy to say HI and smile and have a few seconds of interaction. It is healthy to have human contact. Not everyone will agree--but I feel it doesn't hurt to do it. I think that your poems getting in a publication is cool--it is a lasting testimony to your inner thoughts. Thanks for sharing and good luck to you.

3/16/2008 5:51:58 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

bestdadintexas
Marshall, TX
age: 42

as a poem it needs some rework but the message is a great one.the lines are long and you lost the rhyme half way.my guess it is a personal portrayal.

3/16/2008 7:29:27 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

wildgypsy
Bellevue, WA
age: 88

Today is the anniversary of the last time I ever really spoke to my mother, before all the drugs kicked in at the hospital and all. We lost her forever on March 21, 1998.
The last poem I ever sent in for publication was for her. After that I stopped writing.

Miss You Ma

When everything boils down to the simple fact
That you’re gone and not coming back
I know I have to find another way
To make it through another day
I can’t turn to you anymore
For advice and comfort like I did before
From the time it was just a kiss on a scraped knee
To when I panicked because he asked, “Will you marry me?”
I still need you just as much, even if I am grown
Never did I think about how I would face the world alone
But I will do my best and carry on
And remember all those things you taught me, Mom
I will be strong, and not give in
And be as good as possible, so I can see you again
O already picture you in a flowing purple gown
And tell anyone who asks, she dances with the angels now

3/16/2008 9:40:38 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

blonde73fairy
Clarksville, TN
age: 35

very nice gypsy. I can feel what your writing.

To everyone else who commented. Thank you. Not all poems ryhme. There are some great ones in the world that never rhyme. But thanks for reading and leaving your comments.

3/16/2008 12:00:00 PMI write poems..do you like this one? 

bestdadintexas
Marshall, TX
age: 42

but a poem that starts a certain way should flow through to the end that same way or you loose the reading pace in poetry. I have been writing poetry for years. A poem that begins in a certain rythym should continue to the end that same way . Poetry is a wonderful way of expression!And the expression in your poem is GREAT but I just think you should look at it and see if you can rewrite.Many poem are written many times to get what the writer is trying to express.I myself rarely have to.It seems it just flows out of the mind through the pen. But every now and then I have to rewrite to get it right for good reading.

3/17/2008 4:37:48 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

wildgypsy
Bellevue, WA
age: 88

sorry bestdad, but poetry is art, and like any of the visual stuff, everyone will see it with their own eye.

3/17/2008 5:53:23 AMI write poems..do you like this one? 

luvmiiorhatemii
Kent, WA
age: 25

I love your poem. You have major talent. Keep it up!!

(Check out my thread called 'Post what's on your mind Part 1')

3/17/2008 3:41:19 PMI write poems..do you like this one? 

bestdadintexas
Marshall, TX
age: 42

gypsy, I only stated an oppinion which is what she asked for. Art or not, beautiful or not,I gave my oppinion! I did say it had a good meaning in there, but it just needs better flow when she stopped the ryhme. No poem goes that way,except hers I guess,lol.She asked and I gave.You won't always get good answers when you ask.I gave an honest answer.By the way,what is the National Poetry? I would like see some of your published work.



[Edited 3/17/2008 5:36:15 PM]